


Stay

by SatansSin



Category: Thor - Fandom
Genre: Betrayal, F/M, Fantasy Monster, Heart Break, Love, M/M, Magic, Pining
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-02-12
Updated: 2020-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:27:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 81,933
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22677136
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatansSin/pseuds/SatansSin
Summary: Loki takes his vacation to a small town where no one knows of his pain and heartache. He is anonymous and can get over his cheating ex in peace.Or so he thinks.
Relationships: Loki/Svadilfari (Marvel), Loki/Thor
Comments: 151
Kudos: 365





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Reposting because I feel like I can get a little better mentally.

In the city, life grew where it could.

It grew where no one thought anything would, like ivy. Ivy in books and stories grew like a masterful painting. It grew with all artistic leaves and delicacy, in delightfully random patterns that ended up beautiful no matter where they went. It made those who saw it for its beauty saw; if there was any mathematics in this life that made it so well.

Usually those who thought this saw it from afar.

They didn’t know how that life, that ivy, could also carry enough rain water and despair that it dampened anyone who walked under it carelessly.

There was one such individual, who was not only to pass under the ivy, under the dark side of the life that grew in London, he lived under it, in that darkness, that despair and near invisibility for the small seconds of sun that would shine on him whenever possible. He sat in his little office, the one he’d worked so hard to gain, tapping on his computer to the sounds of the Christmas party behind him.

The entire office was joyfully celebrating as he finished up on his latest column, his green eyes focused on his work. His nimble fingers tapped on the keys of his laptop and gentle music came from the two small speakers on either side of his monitor, giving him his own personal little world, away from everyone.

‘ _Fallen leaves carpet the path leading to this charming, sweet little home, painted orange and red with every sunset, bathed in the majestic evening light. Spacious windows and a crisp, white front door welcome you to the world of gold and amber inside. Well lit, comfortable and affordable, the small white cottage has remained a steady little anchor in the lives of the seven families that have lived in it since it was built in 1888. It is a sturdy home for a small family or a newly wed couple seeking their first strong foundation upon which they build their lives’_

He sat back and went through it again, his lips moving as he mouthed the words he’d written. He had pursed his lips as he started to delete a few words that didn’t seem like they belonged when a deep, smooth voice came from behind him, pouring over him like hot water on a chilly, cool night.

“You know, you are the only person I can think of who would work on a day where everyone celebrates, Loki”

Loki Laufeyson turned around. He had brightness in his green eyes despite being thirty five, something that many, many people noticed. However, it enhanced further when he saw the man standing by his door, half in, half out of it with the effortless charm that made Loki go warm inside.

Skin the color of the creamiest coffee, hair as dark at the night, Svadilfari Hymrsson had his warm brown eyes focused on Loki. His plump lips were curved into a gentle smile, behind a beard that Loki knew was the softest he’d ever touched.

He’d played with it years into their relationship, before everything went to hell, before his life felt broken.

He smiled at him now, seeing the crinkles on the side of Svadilfari’s eyes. Those were the lines Loki loved most and he blushed now when he felt all his attention on him.

“Probably because I am the only one who left my task for the last minute” Loki said

Svadilfari gave him a toothy, dashing smile that would have weakened his knees had he not been sitting.

“Well, those columns aren’t going anywhere, why don’t you come out of your little sanctuary and join us for a wee bit, dove?”

A thrill went through Loki, making him feel irrationally joyful.

Every time he heard that endearment and the gentle lilt of Svadilfari’s accent, it made him smile, it made his spirit soar….

…it made him forget something very, very important

“Oh, wait!”

Svadilfari, who was on the verge of leaving, turned around

“I – I bought you something” Loki smiled, turning to his desk “I am sorry I didn’t give it sooner”

Svadilfari entered his office and closed the door behind him. A moment with Loki, a private, gentle moment just between them.

“Oh, I got you something too, but I have it somewhere…”

“Nevermind” Loki said, brushing his hair back

Svadilfari could spot the highlights of silver at his temples. Not too much, just enough to peek out every now and then and add a little magic to the thick, darkness of Loki’s soft hair. He could run his fingers through that midnight silk and never see it change.

“Here”

Svadilfari looked at the gift thrust at him and chuckled

“Why are you always so good to me?” he smiled “It’s unfair”

“Just being a good friend, I believe” Loki shrugged

He sat perched on the edge of his chair, watching Svadilfari open the present. He licked his lips nervously, wondering if he over did it. Or worse – under did it.

What if Svadilfari got him something amazing and all he got him was…

“A book” Svadilfari said, then gasped “Oh wait…”

His eyes widened and he gaped at it.

“Loki, you didn’t”

Loki blushed, leaned forward for one of those large, warm embraces, but halted when Svadilfari merely opened the book.

“This is the limited edition” Svadilfari snickered “How did you get this?”

Loki felt his chest tighten in happiness rather than in the embarrassment a moment ago

“Well, it wasn’t much, I just went to that library in Nice, you remember? We found it together, buried all the way into that little nook”

Svadilfari let out a fond chuckle “I remember, I had to drag you out of there before you bankrupt us both”

“Yes, I recall” Loki laughed softly, tucked his hair behind his ear

“Thank you” Svadilfari pat the book against his hand, then jerked his head to the door “Now come on, close the computer and follow me”

Of course, Loki did, getting to his feet and following him, blushing when Svadilfari bowed in jest to let him pass.

The thrum of conversation was loud, there were people everywhere in their office. These were nice offices, Loki would admit.

They were fashionable, chic and updated every other year to keep things from growing dull. It was a perk of working in a famous, successful newspaper, Loki wagered.

The main office was set with tables, giving every employee space and comfort on a dark blue carpet. There was a three step entrance and beyond it, the main door to their floor. There were, of course, more floors, but this one was his favorite.

Their superiors stood at the top of the steps and framing them was the large clock of gold and white, and fresh looking, gold wallpaper, which made this office look ten times as exquisite. He wrapped his arms around himself and walked, feeling Svadilfari behind him, knowing he was there.

Their superiors still talking and Loki looked over his shoulder – to emptiness.

He blinked in surprise and turned to look, finding Svadilfari talking to someone else rather animatedly. He still held the book in his hand but he didn’t look at Loki, despite Loki being in his line of sight. He was much too engrossed in what he said and Loki watched, waiting a few seconds to be noticed.

He was of course, but not by Svadilfari.

“Hey”

Loki startled when Amora Siedrston, his only friend in the office, looped her arm through his.

“You know if you don’t stop staring at him, everyone is going to call you the Office Stalker” she pulled him aside

Loki scoffed “As if they don’t already. What else is new?”

“They also say you do his laundry every week for him” Amora grimaced as she sipped the drink she held in her elegant hand “that its part of your separation clause”

Loki frowned “They what?”

“It’s what they’re all saying” Amora snickered “that you have a collection of his hair ties at home, framed on your bedside, so you remember your dear ex husband”

“Soon to be ex” Loki scoffed in disgust “That’s messed up”

“ _That’s_ messed up? What did you expect them to say, with the way you drool over him every time he throws a smile at you?” she asked him “Honestly, Loki, you’re the only person I know who caught his man with someone and still stayed friends with him”

Loki sighed “It’s not like that. Things are…”

“Things are twisted and abnormal, nothing else” she said “Loki, you’re supposed to hate your cheating husband, not fall deeper in love with him and punish yourself over what happened”

“I’m not” Loki said, taking her glass and drinking from it “we’re just friends, who happened to be – not divorced”

She gave him a knowing look but kept her tongue. Loki was stubborn at the best of times. A deluded Loki was somehow worse!

Amora was right, however. Loki was the victim of a one sided marriage, where he was deep in love with the he’d been chatting two a few minutes prior. His eyes kept going to him for most of the party. Svadilfari was charming, handsome, rugged and so gentle on the inside. He remembered being so happy when he was with him, when they travelled together, when they were both one.

He knew they would wander back to each other – it was why they never divorced. He knew they would. Neither of them had found anyone else, they were single and capable of making their own decisions and, most importantly, they could move past what happened.

It would happen sooner or later and Loki would be happy again.

The music was nice, the company was bearable and soon, Loki found himself back with Amora, talking about something that wasn’t in anyway related to Svadilfari or his last three years which brought him nothing but misery.

He was still with Amora when he heard the telltale tinkling of expensive glass and turned to see his boss at the top of the stairs, lightly tapping his champagne glass with a spoon

“Attention for a few minutes, please, attention” he called “Just a few minutes of your precious time before all of you run off for the holidays”

He smiled at them when they turned to face him and set the glass down.

“Now I know all of you are excited to head off home and enjoy yourselves with your loved ones, but I have an important announcement to make” he said “however, before I do, I need one of you … Loki Laufeyson, are you still here?”

Loki blinked in surprise, slowly raising his hand “Here, Sir”

“Ah, excellent” his boss said as the people in front of him moved away “Now we all know what a hard, dedicated worker you are and how your hand contains the magic to turn ordinary, everyday homes into something magical. Hell, you’ve had more real estate agencies try to steal you from us than I’ve ever imagined!”

There were murmurs of agreement and a half hearted clapping session that died out almost as soon as Loki’s blush did.

“Your contribution to our paper is extraordinary and it’s rather obvious that in this particular field, you are the best. And with that in mind, I must ask you to work your magic for someone here in this office. On this special day, I would like to have a collective congratulations for two of our esteemed colleagues, who are looking to buy their first home together”

Loki smiled, but it faded a moment later when Svadilfari walked to his boss, one of the young editors on his arm. There was applause, but all Loki heard was the thrum in his ears because all sound seemed to close, as though he was under water. Nothing made sense, his head swam as he stood there, shocked, swaying on his feet while everyone congratulated Svadilfari and that woman.

There was laughter, a few mild jokes at his expense but he didn’t see anything. His vision was blurred, hazy with tears and he blinked to free them, feeling them slide down his face just in time to reveal Svadilfari’s face turned towards him.

He saw emotions flash over his beautiful features; surprise, shock, sadness, exasperation, regret…

Loki turned away. He didn’t care if they said things about him, he didn’t care if they laughed at him, made jokes at his expense.

It was over, he was finished.

He went to his office, his world a mess of color and sound, everything slower than it had been a moment ago. His heart felt pained, his chest felt compressed, thick and heavy.

He grabbed his belongings blindly, took his coat and stepped out.

Svadilfari wasn’t looking at him. Neither was the woman. Neither was anyone else in that office, they all had their backs to him, to his pain.

Unacknowledged or thought well deserved, he didn’t care. He was leaving and he wasn’t coming back.

If pain and humiliation was his destiny, then so be it.

So Loki took a deep breath, wiped his tears and stepped through the exit, leaving behind this life and these people so he could go face what destiny had in store for him.


	2. In Your Eyes Awaits a Tireless Sadness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In the vastness of the ocean it was easy to lose hope. In every direction, the twilight blue of the ocean touched the magnificent grey, dusty blue of the skies.

Loki lived in a small house in London where he had his relative privacy. He had two empty houses on either side of his home and honestly, today it felt like they were a blessing. He felt like they were his protectors, keeping anyone else from hearing his pain and leaving him free to bury his face in his miserable hands and weep.

His shoulders shook as he wept and a small pile of tissues increased at his feet as he failed to control himself. His face was red, his eyes glassy and the television in front of him kept running on mute, the show unwatched as Loki lay buried in his pain.

He was already in a relationship!

In another relationship with that woman!

A pang of humiliation and pain went through him and Loki lowered his head into his hands, his eyes wide.

He’d been seeing someone else and all the while he was acting so nice and lovely to Loki, knowing he was with someone else? Knowing he was giving him such deep, sweet hope?

His lips trembled and Loki sniffed, wiping his face again and set his elbows on his knees as he sat there, looking at the ground in shame he looked at it because he felt his chin tremble again, like a child, and more tears burst through, making him hide his face in his hands once more.

There was static in his head. The loud rush of that noise, the emptiness and hopelessness that came with it smothered him. He knew what was happening, he knew it was the fear that he’d felt ever since he’d seen Svadilfari with that faceless, nameless woman in this very house. He remembered thinking that he was going to leave and clung to him desperately, clung to the hope that came with Svadilfari not filing for divorce, clung to the fantasy that he would be back.

And he clung to the love he still felt and the hope that Svadilfari would come back to him.

This day took that hope from him. It snatched it from his hands and cut his fingers as it did so.

He knew better. He had known better and yet he still hoped. He didn’t listen to anyone, not even his own common sense that told him that hoping so intensely was a bad idea.

Now he was only reaping what came of what he’d sown.

His illusions had been shattered and rained down on him with humiliation and shame.

And pain, the never ending, terrible, awful pain in his heart.

The raw pain in his heart wasn’t stopping, it wasn’t _stopping_.

Why wasn’t it stopping? He sniffed.

He took a deep breath and used yet another tissue to wipe the tears away and stood. His throat felt thick and his chest felt tight. He wanted to bury himself into his bed and never come out of it.

He groaned in despair as he headed to the kitchen and the thought of returning to work after Christmas came to him.

He whined as he entered the kitchen and made himself some tea. Perhaps a soothing drink would aid his broken heart. No, not broken, completely gone, he was sure. It wasn’t there.

It was why he felt so cold.

He steeped the tea blindly a few minutes, alone in his kitchen, completely devastated. He felt sick, he wanted to cry again.

But at the same time, his head hurt so much there was no doubt that it would give him a throbbing migraine come tomorrow.

It would have been difficult if he had any shopping to do. But as it was, his gift for Amora was packed and ready and Loki had no real family.

He had an aunt he’d never met and got a card from her every now and then. No one he could go out of his way to meet up with or distract himself with.

Or, more importantly, no one to comfort him.

The tea finished and he poured it into his mug so he could head to his dining table where his laptop was and at least distract himself with it.

His doorbell rang.

Loki’s heart began to pound.

Hope, that stupid, idiotic hope flared inside him again and he set his tea aside to make his way to the door.

Part of him wanted Amora to be on the other side of the door but one look at the frosted glass on his front door had his broken heart thud painfully again.

He knew that blurred shape.

He knew who it was.

Loki placed a hand on his chest and stared.

Svadilfari was standing outside, he knew it and yet Loki couldn’t take the steps towards the door nor open it.

He swallowed heavily as he stood there half in and half out of his small dining room, peeking over.

He saw Svadilfari move to ring the doorbell again and then lean to the side to look through the side of the glass.

Loki gasped and moved back, hiding in the dining room, staying as quiet as he could.

A knock on the door.

Loki squeezed his eyes closed when he felt an urge to open the door, when he felt the desire to go to him and let Svadilfari in.

No, he reminded himself, no.

The man had broken him, he was not going to let him in, he won’t.

Silence stretched between each breath Loki took. He felt his useless heart pound faster and faster…

His front step creaked and he heard his husband’s footsteps backing away.

He felt Svadilfari leave, he felt his breathing quicken when he heard a car start and drive away.

Gone. He was gone.

Loki peeked out again and sure enough, there was no one there.

He walked to the door and checked the locks, then turned off the light outside, then the ones in his home and went to sit in front of his laptop again.

His tea steamed beside him as he opened his online book collection and started to look through the books he couldn’t yet physically buy.

It distracted him soon enough but that night, he went to bed feeling lost, alone and definitely still heartbroken.

It was still broken the next morning where he hid in his home and cried again, it was still broken two more days later where he finally emerged from his home to get himself to the nearest store to get some food to eat.

He was starving and couldn’t bring himself to eat. He’d left his phone off, cut communication from everyone, so he couldn’t exactly blame her when Amora waited by his front door when he returned twenty minutes later.

And she was livid.

He saw the rage on her face and he halted in his ascent to the few steps to his house, staring at her with his sunken, swollen eyes, his pained face, his sickly appearance…

She sighed and the anger went out of her frame immediately. She stepped towards him and put her arms around him, holding him tightly.

It was then that it hit Loki how desperately he’d needed someone to hold him like this. His free arm went around her and he buried his face in her shoulder, barely hearing her soft voice soothing him.

She took the food from his hands, then his keys and walked him into the house so that she could take care of him.

And for once, Loki let her.

He didn’t have it in him to really protest after the days he’d been through.

It reminded him of why she was his only friend because she ran him a warm bath, ordered him to take it while she made him his favorite batch of soup and ordered his favorite comfort food from a restaurant Loki loved.

Words were not needed between them till he came downstairs an hour later and sat at his kitchen table in his most comfortable clothes and quietly had the soup she had put on the table for him to finish.

Amora sat opposite, looking at him, her face sad.

There was silence between them but eventually, Amora sighed

“Loki, you can’t do this to yourself, Hun” she said softly “he’s not worth it”

Loki worried his lip with his teeth and looked to the window as though there was comfort in the light outside.

“He’s a cheater, he’s no good” she insisted “you’ve worth much more, Loki”

Loki swallowed heavily “I don’t want more…”

“Well, that’s what you have” Amora told him “Loki, he isn’t going to come back to you. You have to understand”

Loki shook his head “He would have ended everything if that was true, he …”

“Loki!”

He looked at her when she said it sharply.

“He isn’t coming back” she told him “don’t you see how wrong this is? Don’t you see how bad this entire thing will be? He cheated on you, he doesn’t care about you. He just smiles at you and treats you nicely because he knows he’s a douche bag. If he cared, he wouldn’t have cheated, it’s that simple”

Loki knew that, he knew all this. But he didn’t want to know it. He wanted to go back to being blissfully unaware, he wanted to go back in time and change the past where he never caught Svadilfari cheat and that where he would likely still be married.

“He’s trash” Amora reiterated “tell me you understand that”

Loki looked at the table and nodded.

He trusted Amora, often more than he trusted himself. He knew she was right and that she was the voice of reason here.

He remembered the day he’d met her and how she had changed the loneliness he felt even then. It was when he was still married to Svadilfari and he’d been coming home from work.

_It had started to rain..._

_Perfect, Loki thought. Just absolutely perfect. He didn’t have an umbrella, he was wearing his favorite coat, of course it was going to rain. The odds of it not raining would have been far less if he hadn’t a date with his husband and if he wasn’t looking his absolute best._

_It rained just to ruin his mood further. It rained to remind him that he looked like a soggy, dunked rat whenever he was wet and that everyone would laugh at him._

_It was humiliating._

_People who had the sense to bring umbrellas cursed him and eventually, he gave in, just to keep from getting soaked and ducked into a small shop that he’d bought his first one from. It was a close call because it began to pour the second he walked in._

_He shook his head, sending droplets everywhere and brushed his coat down._

_Alright, it was salvageable with a night before the heater – it wasn’t as bad as Loki made it out to be, just exaggerated by irritation._

_The shop’s owner was an old man who was eager to help and soon enough, Loki was walking out into the pouring rain with his new umbrella and a better attitude._

_This time he was the one giving other’s sympathetic looks as he walked to the restaurant he would meet Svadilfari at and felt much better than he’d done before._

_He’d turned a corner and passed by a few townhouses when he heard a rather distressed call._

_“Pardon me, Sir!”_

_Loki would have kept walking, honestly, but the voice honestly tugged something at his chest and he stopped, looking towards the closest townhouse where a woman stood in the rain, drenched completely, waving to get his attention._

_“Could you help me a moment?”_

_Loki was confused, but he stepped over, noting that she was wearing a long overcoat and that its belt was wedged firmly inside the door._

_A locked door_

_“Oh dear” Loki said, handing her the umbrella “hold that a moment while I pull it out. Do you have the key?”_

_They were rather close at this point and he heard her sigh_

_“Uh…this isn’t my house” she said “Um …God, this is embarrassing”_

_Loki stopped pulling at the tie and looked at her, waiting._

_“The … gentleman I was with last night” she said “didn’t tell me he was married”_

_Loki winced “Damn”_

_“Yes” she winced “his wife is inside, refusing to open the door and I’m stuck here”_

_“Why not remove the coat and leave it?” Loki asked “I can escort you home under my umbrella if you fear the rain”_

_Not that she should, she was drenched already, but it never hurt to help._

_“Ah” Amora said_

_She leaned over to whisper into his ear and Loki blushed brightly._

_“Oh”_

_She was wearing only that coat._

_“Yes” she said, her face red “I…don’t know what to do”_

_Loki bit his lip and looked around before he moved in front of her._

_“Get out of your coat and into mine”_

_He held the sides of his coat out, covering her from both sides and looked to see that no one stared. No one did, it was raining and everyone was minding their business_

_He kept his coat around her and slowly let her hold it as he slipped out of it and let her take it. Her own drenched coat flopped to the ground and she heaved a sigh of relief when he stepped back a bit and let her tie his coat at her waist so she was completely covered._

_“Thank you” she whispered emphatically “God bless you”_

_“No problem, Madam” Loki said “now come, I will take you home”_

_He kept the umbrella over them both and walked downstairs, keeping his arm around her shoulders._

_“I’m Amora” she told him_

_Loki smiled “I’m Loki. Pleased to meet you”_

_She’d smiled brightly at him and they’d walked towards a long lasting friendship._

She hadn’t forgotten what Loki had done for her and she’d stayed on his side no matter what ever since that day.

She was there was him today as well, looking him in the eye and waiting for his response.

He sighed “I want to move on from him”

Loki knew that and he wanted to, as well, but for the life of him, he couldn’t. He couldn’t let go he couldn’t leave, knowing that he was going to be leaving behind the man he loved for nothing but a life of loneliness.

He would hold on forever if he had a chance of getting Svadilfari back.

He, of course, didn’t know that life had other plans in store for him.

***

He felt better a week later.

Not fine, but much better than before and found himself trying to get some things done, even if they were just the chores. He was shoveling snow off his front steps and had his back to his small gate so he didn’t know who arrived.

The snow crunched behind him and Loki tensed, turning slowly to see Svadilfari standing there, a bag in his hands.

His heart stopped.

Loki’s eyes widened and Svadilfari stood there quietly, not saying a word as he looked upon his husband. He looked weak, miserable, utterly defeated. He looked so damn upset.

“Hello”

Suddenly, Loki’s defenses against his man felt like paper. Paper that has been soaked in heartbreak and misery and is so weak that a gust of the softest wind would tear it. He stared at him, hoping that he could make him go away without saying anything, hoping that all the desire he felt would vanish from his body, but it didn’t.

Fool that he was, he wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms and stay there.

Something crinkled in Svadilfari’s hand and Loki saw that it was a bag from his favorite bakery the very one Svadilfari would get him his eclair from whenever Loki felt bad or whenever he was in a mood. He stared at it, at the peace offering, at the ray of hope in his hands and gulped loudly.

He felt his body shake and his vision began to blur with tears. All he felt was the cold shovel in his hands, he couldn’t see properly, but he felt everything.

He felt the shovel being taken from him, felt those strong hands at his back, felt that body press to his front and he closed his eyes, feeling the pain of the past week. The marathon of endless emotional pain that had him crying into his hands at night was starting to fade away in those arms.

Svadilfari’s voice said something to him and Loki was being led into his house, still pasted to his husband’s side. He didn’t say a word, he didn’t feel anything, really. He just walked with him and ended up in his warm house with the one man he shouldn’t be there with.

He wiped his eyes and sat at the kitchen table as Svadilfari moved around the house with the practiced familiarity that tore at Loki’s soul again.

He knew where everything was, he knew where the cups where, he knew where the spoons and mugs were, he knew everything.

And he set the eclair and the tea he made in front of Loki without a single mistake.

It made Loki hate himself even more than he did before.

Svadilfari got himself some tea as well and sat opposite, looking at his husband.

Awkward silence fell between them and Loki took a sip of the tea as Svadilfari had his own.

“I’m sorry” Svadilfari looked at him “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about her. I didn’t think it would get this far, honestly”

Loki set his cup down and kept his gaze on it “I didn’t know you were seeing someone”

They were still married – his heart ached as though he was seeing him cheat all over again.

“Well, it sort of happened” Svadilfari played with his saucer a little “I didn’t think it was important enough”

Nibbling on his lip, Loki looked at him again “Do you see other people often?”

“Sometimes” Svadilfari shrugged “but they mean nothing and telling you wouldn’t have brought any good. I mean, look at you now. It’s hard seeing you like this, dove”

Oh God, that name. Loki closed his eyes at the pain it caused and took a sip.

“You’re moving in with her” Loki said “you had to have known this was different”

Svadilfari conceded “Yes, perhaps you’re right”

He took a sip of his drink and exhaled.

“You’re the person I believe, who knows everything about me” he chuckled softly “every little thing. But I don’t know so I didn’t know how you would react. I’m sorry if I appeared to be callous”

“It’s alright” Loki smiled, but his eyes were filled with pain

Svadilfari beamed, “You’re amazing, you know that?”

A gentle caress went over Loki’s spirit and he nodded

“Thank you”

He ran his fingers through his hair and Svadilfari reached for his jacket.

“Do you have any plans for the holidays?” he asked

Loki shook his head “Not as of yet, but maybe I’ll go on a vacation”

Svadilfari just laughed “You? Vacation? Impossible”

Loki frowned a little bit as he stood “Why is that funny?”

“You’ve never travelled alone” he said, putting his jacket on “You like knowing someone else is with you. You like knowing you’re seen by everyone and go around so people see you, look at you with another person and know you’re not alone”

That was true – to a point.

Right now, Loki just _wanted_ to be alone…or have this man stay, he didn’t know.

He saw him to the door and gave him a smile as Svadilfari turned to him

“Take care of yourself” he smiled “I don’t want you shoveling snow out here alone”

A blush heated Loki’s cold, pale cheeks and he nodded.

“I’ll try my best”

“I’m sure you will, dove” Svadilfari said “I’ll come back sometime, do it for you, aye? You can make me that sponge cake again and we can talk about things, hang out.”

Loki put his arms around himself and nodded “Yes. I would like that very much”

He liked when Svadilfari said that word. _Aye_.

It made him think of old times when Vikings and kings ruled the earth and the seas. He’d found it a bit strange when they started dating but soon, with his roots so deep in Scotland, it soon became one of the things Svadilfari couldn’t give up and one of the things Loki loved about him.

He remembered the day Loki first saw him.

He was working on his first ever piece for the newspaper he was at. He was sitting at a coffee shop when Svadilfari walked in. he had one thick rimmed glasses, a hat, a scarf and a coat that was just a little too small.

He looked lost.

His accent was thick and Loki couldn’t stop staring at him.

The shop was crowded and Loki had selfishly taken two chairs for himself, which to this day, he was thankful for. Svadilfari had stood there, staring at the many, many coffee options and looking confused. He had books in his hands, he was clearly a college student.

And Loki just…stared.

He stared at his broad shoulders and his back, he stared at that dumb looking hat he had over his head and the locks of dark hair that spilled out from under it. He stared at those thick glasses and those fingerless gloves. That held his heavy books and the way he tilted his body to keep his bag on his shoulder.

All of it felt so good to take in and Loki forgot his own work just so he could watch this Adonis move about.

He wasn’t the only one, Loki was sure more than a few women threw appreciative glances at him and one of them even came over to help him with his coffee. Irrational irritation went through Loki and he turned back to the work he was doing but he could no longer concentrate.

He wanted to look at that man and make him his own.

God, if he only knew.

Once he had his coffee, Svadilfari tried balancing his books, his bag, his coffee and muffin, all without a table.

He’d looked at Loki and Loki felt his heart miss a beat because the woman was no longer in sight but he was. Without thinking, he moved his notebook aside and invited him over, he moved his bag so Svadilfari could sit with him and began chatting almost instantly.

That smile, those glasses, both had Loki hooked.

He loved them

He loved them even more when this lips kissed his, when he came back from his classes to pull Loki into his arms and how they connected. He loved the entire feeling that was Svadilfari.

He remembered how he’d gotten down on his knee before Svadilfari, right where they’d met, he remembered their wedding, their love, all of it.

He remembered feeling that again today, when Svadilfari hugged him a while ago, when he’d made him tea and even when he told him to not shovel the snow anymore.

He hugged himself as a car drove up to the front of his house.

For a second, Loki thought it was an Uber, but he felt his body go cold as all the warmth Svadilfari had left there vanished at the sight of her inside.

At the sight of Svadilfari getting into the car with her and kissing her.

His eyes widened and Loki turned and fled back into the house, running back as fast as the snow let him.

He realized then – he had to leave.

He couldn’t stay here, he needed to leave or he would fall deeper in love with a man who was never going to be his.

So he did the only thing he could when he rushed inside, leaving behind a trail of his broken heart with the crushed snow he’d brought in with every step.

He called Amora.

“I want a vacation” he told her the moment she picked up “I need to get out of here”

He couldn’t stay here, not right now. He needed space and he needed time away from Svadilfari, from London, from all of it.

He needed to get away.

He couldn’t stand the pain anymore.

***

An hour long flight was ruined at the very beginning when Loki took his seat.

He’d resolved to get over Svadilfari and he wanted to do that as soon as possible. He didn’t want to stay anywhere that reminded him of his husband and to cement that fact in, he’d asked Amora’s lawyer to get him some divorce papers.

He hadn’t signed them, hell, he hadn’t even read them, but he had them and to him, that was something that he hadn’t been able to do before. He had them in the bag he’d carried into the plane and sat down with in the only seat he’d been able to get at such short notice.

He was going to a small city, barely there, with a small population and a sea side that some came to enjoy. It wasn’t easy to find and the flights there were cheap, too.

Loki looked at the brochure he’d picked up about it and read it through – again.

St Furjosa was a stunning locality, built between a mountain and the sea. Once, it was a town carved into the side of the mountains but that had long since been deemed unlivable and the town moved a little towards open grounds, though the historic city was still there. It was great for local tourism and made up tales, which, Loki guessed would be interesting to see.

The rest of the town was like many others. There were two hotels for those who came to spend their vacation in an affordable place and some people rented out apartments for weeks or months, however long their vacation took.

It wasn’t cheap but it was much less pricey than Loki was used to. He liked the home, he was renting. It was built like a cottage and was far away from most of the population and closer to the sea than many liked. Apparently, the owner had trouble renting it out because animals came to explore around the house at night and it frightened more than a few delicate families.

Loki wouldn’t mind, though. He would hopefully not be home unless he was to sleep.

He had told himself that he would go out and end the reclusive life he’s gotten used to. He told himself that he would meet with the locals and maybe, possibly, meet someone the way Svadilfari met that woman.

That would definitely be something he would be interested in.

He nibbled on his lip as the flight went on, the nerves he was denying ever since he saw Svadilfari a few days ago still clung to him. He was doing the right thing, even if it hurt, he was doing the right thing. He was leaving it all behind so he could start fresh.

He would get the divorce and he would be fine.

He would get another job, he would move…

His phone buzzed.

Loki looked down and his heart jolted when he saw it was a text message from Svadilfari.

His heart raced and he opened it.

‘ _Heard you finally left for a vacation to St Furjosa. First vacation in years, Dove, I salute you’ it said ‘How can I reach you_?’

Loki swallowed heavily and stared at it,

It pinged again, another message for him to read.

‘ _Never mind, I just realized you have your laptop with you. I’ll Skype you’_

His thumbs hovered over the keys as he stared at it.

A hundred replies went through his head but he wrote down none of them. Not one.

They were all coming from the part inside him that was excited for these messages, that imagined the calls and felt joy at the feeling of having Svadilfari pay attention to him.

It was the part that was grateful for the scraps Svadilfari spared for him and he needed to stop that part.

If for nothing else, then for the integrity of the divorce papers in his bag.

He sighed, breathed out and started to type down.

‘ _Dear Svadilfari’_ he wrote down.

He stopped, shook his head and erased ‘Dear’ from his greeting.

There was nothing dear there. There was no affection, none of it, between them.

‘ _Svadilfari’_ he typed ‘ _We both know that I have to fall out of love with you. It would be great if you would give me the space to do that_ ’

The reality of that message stunned him for a second. He stared at it, his thumb hovering over the send button.

He stared at the name, that beautiful, one of a kind name, written there by his own practiced typing, he could close his eyes and type his name and it would be there, without a single error.

Loki felt all those emotions, those memories, those sensations, all over again.

He felt the weight of Svadilfari on his body, the sheets on his back, how he ran his fingers through his hair, how he kissed him so deeply, how his lips felt on his skin, all of it. He remembered the emotion being every gesture and the love he felt in his hands even as he lowered Loki to the bed and pressed into him.

Those nights they spent writhing in the sheets and wrapping those sheets around each other to keep a sense of modesty in the morning so they could have breakfast where valuable to him. He remembered fighting over who got the sheets, sometimes, because the person who did wouldn’t have to cook breakfast.

Loki remembered it, he visualized it and squeezed his eyes closed so that only one tear slipped down his cheek.

He hit ‘Send’.

Loki gasped and set his phone down, face down, on his lap.

He blinked, looking aside, trying to get past what he’d done. He felt his hands begin to shiver, the culprits of the fatigue suddenly apparent on his face.

The sorrow he’d felt these past years, the years where it just grew deeper rooted inside, thriving on the quiet loneliness of his house where the solemn walls just kept him protected, took him over again and Loki stood slowly and walked to the small bathroom of the airplane – and cried.

Because it was over.

It was finally over.

***

In the vastness of the ocean it was easy to lose hope. In every direction, the twilight blue of the ocean touched the magnificent grey, dusty blue of the skies. Had anyone been there, it was as though they were shrunk to the size of an atom sitting on the surface of a coin, looking up, never realizing how large the world was till then.

The rippling waves shifted and though they were inoffensive and benign at the moment, they were not lifeless. For beneath the crisp blue surface of the open ocean was a world many had never seen, many would never see. There were creatures that had never walked the earth and then there were some who had.

Down in the water, gravity was powerless. It was incredible how one simple film could separate two worlds. The barrier fragile, broken by anyone, but the worlds on either side of it were harsh to another. Beneath the deep sea waves, the waters cast a calming blue everywhere. The chill was enough to be noticed immediately when one started to swim in the ocean.

It was the closest people had ever come to another universe, another world.

There was freedom in these waters, Loki knew.

He could sense that well enough.

It had been five days now, since he’d left London behind and came to this quaint, freeing small town. It was by the ocean, its beaches kissing the edge of a vast space of blue that was right before it. He didn’t know what called him to the ocean, to this freedom, but it did and he was here the very day after his arrival here.

The waters were not deep but deep enough that other a handful of daring swimmers, no one truly came here. But it was also safe, no signal from his phone, nothing to indicate what he’d left behind.

He spent his time here for hours, with a good book and a few snacks. His umbrella over his head. The waves lulled him and more than once, he’d dozed off in the addicting calmness of this very ocean, rocked to peace by the waves.

He’d commissioned a small boat with an anchor that kept him in place. It wasn’t too bold, nothing too dangerous, but just out of character enough to give him the distance from how he’d been the past two years.

It was different, it was freeing, to be away from his pining, pathetic self and focus on something other than Svadilfari and staying stuck in the mind that was obsessed with winning his husband back. Here, wasn’t in love, here he wasn’t in pain, here, he was Loki and his book.

Nothing else touched him.

He wasn’t here to seen any exciting thrills, he wasn’t here for a new life when he returned home, he was here to heal. And if nothing else, St Furjosa provided that very well.

He had the anonymity to walk around without fearing that someone would see him, he had the freedom to be someone else.

He didn’t feel the destructive obsession of controlling everything about himself so Svadilfari liked him better and thought him worthy of staying with.

He was simply Loki.

He came here daily, to the point where the lifeguards were all aware of him and kept a distant watch over him because he could not swim. He was kind enough and had gotten them treats with every single one of his visits.

They liked him

One of them had even asked him out till he saw the wedding ring Loki had on. He’d apologized and Loki had been left alone after that.

He didn’t know why it perturbed him so much, but it had and Loki had made himself let it go, yet whenever he saw that particular lifeguard, he felt as though the man studied him.

His wedding ring was like a protection here and Loki didn’t know how he felt about that.

Was he truly hanging on to his ring so badly?

Was he hanging on to his ring despite having an envelope filled with divorce papers on his desk at his temporary home?

He told himself it was to keep unwanted advances away but honesty other than that one lifeguard, there had been none.

So Loki exhaled, closed the book he was reading and nibbled on his lip in thought.

He was a thirty five year old man.

He was not a youngling in love, he was not a naïve boy, he was a man, a mature man who knew what was bad for him.

He knew what was good for him, too, but he hadn’t indulged in that for a very, very long time.

He just thought it was easier to hold that back till he was happy with Svadilfari, rather than ‘waste’ his happiness on himself.

How stupid he was, Loki thought as he lounged there.

His green eyes went to his wedding ring again and Loki narrowed them at it.

He knew what he had to do.

In his mind, this place, the place of freedom was the spot where he was going to release himself. He would untie his wrists from where he’d kept them for so long and he was going to free himself.

He could drop it into the ocean, cut the ties that bound him and end his suffering. The niggling voice in the back of his head that told him to worry about what Svadilfari would think would no longer be loud enough for him to hear, no longer strong enough to stop him.

He’d fantasized about going this earlier, when he lay in bed here. He wondered about the repercussions, the possibility that Svadilfari would think badly of him.

He thought about how he could lose him, perhaps forever.

Then he’d chided himself.

Svadilfari was nice at best – nothing else. He’d clearly moved on and Loki needed to accept that. He needed to do the same, he needed to free them both from the pain, the inconvenience and the guilt that came with this toxic relationship.

Where Svadilfari had cheated on him, Loki was holding on to him even now, not divorcing him, leaving that thread thick chain around both their wrists, keeping them tied together when Svadilfari wanted to go the other way.

Before this trip, Loki wouldn’t have thought twice about following him, leashed to him to Svadilfari like a pup.

He knew he would feel bad for a while and regret what he would do but in the long run it was the right course of action.

Svadilfari’s relationship with Loki still had a hold on him and he needed to cut loose from that.

This ring, then the divorce papers, would be the start of it.

With his resolve suddenly set, as temporary as it was, Loki set his book aside and carefully placed his bare feet on the floor of his little boat…

…and toppled his umbrella into the water.

It hit the waves with a soft little smack and started to float away with the waves, the grip turning towards him as though to mock.

Loki turned and cussed.

The anti climatic situation made him feel embarrassed but by no means was he going to forget this.

Loki sat back down and reached over to grasp the umbrella, hooking his fingers to it and pulling it back.

The lifeguard yelled out a warning from afar. Loki didn’t know what he said, but he knew it was being said to him.

He raised a hand to let him know he was alright, then set the umbrella into the boat again. His cheeks were heated with chagrin and he took a moment to ensure the lifeguard was not looking at him before he dipped a hand in the water.

It was cool, calm and soothing over his nerves. His fingertips felt revitalized and he cursed himself for not knowing how to swim, otherwise he would be under the waves.

He took another deep breath, slipped his wedding ring off and stood once more. There was no sound from the lifeguard and Loki pulled back, his ring clenched tightly in his hand and hurled it as far as he could.

Time stopped.

He saw it spin in the air, saw it glint every time the sun hit its surface and saw flashes of the pain and humiliation that came with that ring.

He saw the laughter of his colleagues, he saw himself sitting alone on his bed the night Svadilfari moved out, he saw the fight he had with Svadilfari when he found that woman with him in that very bed, he saw himself screaming as he held himself around the middle, he saw his face stained with tears, begging Svadilfari to stay, to not leave, he saw his eyes tormented as they looked at Svadilfari the day after he moved out, he saw the dark, desperate side of him that came with that ring and he saw every single bit of it.

He saw their life go from happy to terrible within seconds, all of it reflected in the flashing of that damned ring, the one that kept him to deluded, so in love with Svadilfari where nothing mattered more than winning that man over.

That was all he saw.

He saw it hit the surface of the water and sat the small splash it gave.

Honestly, with the pain and history attached to it, Loki had expected that it would at leave form a tidal wave.

But it vanished and the insignificance of that ring suddenly gave Loki new life.

He breathed in, then out and stepped back so he could sit into the boat.

Loki sat heavily on what he thought was the bench and it took him only a second to realize that it wasn’t. He shot up from where he’d seated himself on the edge of the boat. It rocked and then rocked further when Loki leapt to the other side of it and Loki’s eyes widened as it started to move.

“No, no, no”

He immediately sat down on the floor, cross legged, breathing deeply.

The rocking stopped.

His heart was pounding and Loki placed a hand over his chest, letting out a little laugh at how the magnificent moment had suddenly been deflated.

Shaking his head at himself, Loki reached for his umbrella, closing it and set it aside so he could pull up that anchor and head back.

He stayed seated as he did so but had to lean out to the side a little, his heart jolting when the boat shifted again.

Behind him, he heard the cheering and the shouting that came from the other swimmers and the introduction of the motor of a speedboat into the waters.

It was close by and Loki looked over his shoulder to see a few boys racing around in circles over the water. Turning back, Loki pulled the heavy anchor closer, watching the chain shift and ripple the deep waters he was in. he’d been taught to place the chain in the boat when he did so, careful enough to have it not loop around anything, so he did.

He was concentrating on his work and was carefully arranging the chain on the floor of the boat when it happened.

He heard the life guard sound an alarm and suddenly, the speedboat sounded too close.

Loki turned and his eyes widened when he saw the boys coming right at him, they were cheering and Loki gasped, turning to grab his oar as they swerved at the last minute.

They were scaring him, he thought, pissed off, but he didn’t have the chance to say anything because the wave and pressure of their boat, the anchor still hanging over his side, suddenly, without warning, shifted the boat enough that Loki was thrown overboard and the anchor he held dragged him down under immediately.

The shock of the cold water hit him first and he was stunned enough that it took him a few seconds to release the anchor.

His mind went into chaos. It was like it had broken and he thrashed under the water, his eyes wide.

Loki began to sink

He moved his arms as though he was climbing the edge of a mountainside, his legs kicked but he was pulled lower and lower. There was only water around him, water that shifted him, pushed him with the waves and prevented him from having any access to the precious air he needed. The pressure was getting to his head, his lungs felt like they were about to burst with the need to get water and fear started to squeeze the life out of him.

After only a few seconds, his brain was full of panic, there was no coordination, he clawed at the water to try and get out, to get away from the water that threatened to invade his lungs.

Then from his lips came an explosion of bubbles and Loki screamed underwater, all logic and sense gone from him. He realized he wasn’t facing the surface, he was going deeper and he didn’t know how to straighten himself and go to up.

His thoughts are already everywhere, gone, useless, his life till now was useless, nothing mattered to him than to get out of his horror!

Loki’s limbs suddenly slowed down, he felt darkness flash before him and it becomes harder and harder to kick out.

His muscles and body stopped responding and there, in the water, only seconds after being thrown under it, the rays of sunlight that break through the surface shine on him as he floats there like a lifeless doll.

He didn’t feel the strong hand that came out of nowhere and clasped his wrist and he didn’t feel himself being towed up towards the surface again because his world turned black.

***

When the water hit him it was merciless. It was a hundred pounds of him versus a thousand pounds of pressure and it forced its way into his lungs.

His body cried for air and he coughed, gasping as two strong hand kept him to the side so he could throw it all up. His body was drained and he felt weak. He was trembling, his throat felt raw, his chest felt broken.

But he was alive.

He was alive!

Loki was laid on his back, shivering and gasping and his gaze, which was blurring all shape and color together, slowly began to focus.

The first thing he saw was blonde hair. Vibrant, wet, hanging down above him, caressing his cheek. He saw effervescent, orchid blue eyes looking at him and heard, past the drumming in his ears, a smooth, rumbling voice. His hair was unlike Loki had ever seen – flipped to one side, exposing an undercut and so long and so thick that he looked like something from a mythology book.

Loki let out a wheeze of a sound and the softest breath of laughter hit his face. One of those strong hands brushed his hair back and caressed his scalp.

A man hovered over him, his large body set above Loki’s. He had his head tilted and studied him, watched the pale lips move in words too soft to hear and saw those green eyes focused on him.

Loki croaked out again and whined, a hand going to his chest.

“Easy there, Guppy” the man rumbled “you’re alright, they’re coming for you, aye?”

Loki understood him then and he swallowed past the pain in his throat, becoming a little more lucid.

He heard sirens in the distance and realized it was the coast guard coming to get him.

He couldn’t speak so he looked instead, to the man who was almost covering him.

He studied his face and saw a strength he, himself, didn’t have. His skin was sun kissed, a light scar touched his upper lip, prominent, as he smiled at Loki. The sun was shining behind him, letting Loki see nothing else other than his face.

There were freckles on his nose, and the color of his skin reminded Loki of caramel. He wanted to touch it and run his finger tips over the muscled arms that were set on either side of his head.

But his exhaustion and the trauma of the entire ordeal proved too much and Loki’s eyes slid closed and he lost consciousness again. The man watched, touched that pale, cold cheek, then pulled away to stand confidently on the now stable boat and wave to the coast guard.

The siren stopped as the rescue boat neared and the man easily hoisted Loki in his arms to cross over to the guards so they could take the young man from him.

“Those boys threw him in” one of the guards said “recklessness like that will not be tolerated. Thank you, you likely saved his life.”

The man shrugged his large shoulders, his muscled body barely even showing signs of exertion.

“Who is he?” the man asked “I’ve never seen him here”

“Tourist from London” the medics said as Loki was placed on a gurney and tended to “Thank you, man. What’s your name?”

“Thor”

The man watched them take that potential fish food away for privacy and got to work on him

“My name is Thor”

“Well, Thor, you’ve done us a huge service” the medic told him “stick around, will you? He’d probably want to thank you and the authorities would, too”

Another man went to tie Loki’s boat to theirs and handed Thor a life vest, which he took, but didn’t put on.

The rescue boat turned and started to head back to the coast where an ambulance was pulling up.

If nothing else, St Furjosa was efficient.

They had a small population but they were very well taken care of. Thor got off at the beach and saw the boys who had caused the entire thing. They looked worried, more so because the lifeguards and security was surrounding them.

Thor spared them a glance at them and went to where he’d put his belongings. He didn’t have much, just a shirt and sweats that he wore.

He could still hear those boys argue and defend themselves, as did most of the beach. There was already talk, questions and the incident was being told around so this small town would be abuzz with this by tonight.

And he intended to have no part in it.

He wasn’t about to waste today.

As more people gathered, Thor headed off the beach and saw the man being loaded into an ambulance. The coast guard jogged on over to Thor, huffing and puffing a little bit.

He smelled like the ocean and Thor spared him a smile as he brushed his hair back.

He knew he stood out. If it wasn’t his size then it was for his sudden presence here in this town. He knew people wondered about him, about who this new man was that came out of nowhere to wait tables and work at a coffee house, then vanished once the sun went down.

They didn’t see him at bars much, they didn’t see him around town, they didn’t even know where he lived.

Thor liked it that way, he liked the anonymity. He had a small house on the side of the beach, small enough and filled enough to suit his needs but that was it. He didn’t need more.

“He’s going to make it” the guard told him “Come on, I’ll have you looked at, too. None of the lifeguards saw you walk into the beach so you must have been in the water for a bit and that can be dangerous”

Thor almost laughed and looked at the waves, so the guard missed the flash of the lightest, most impossible blue over his irises, then back to the man.

“Alright”

He let the man take him to the ambulance too and Thor was seated beside the rescued man. There was a plastic zip lock bag of his things that was thrust into Thor’s hand by the medic and he held them out of sheer politeness as he was driven away with the Guppy he rescued from the ocean.

***

Sharp pain lanced through his head and colorful spots danced before his eyes when he opened them. His whole body felt beaten and exhausted, that every muscle and bone in his body thrummed with agony. Movement seemed impossible, even thinking was difficult. His tongue felt swollen and his throat felt thick. He wanted to reach up and wipe tears from his face but his skin felt taut and uncomfortable. He didn’t want to touch it.

Every ounce of him wished to somehow detach himself from his own body just to get some relief from the pain.

Loki closed his eyes again and let out a quiet sigh, hoping he would fall asleep again.

He might have, for when he next woke, it was to a touch to his hand. His eyes opened to see a doctor looking him over.

“Glad to see you’re awake” he said

Loki moaned softly and the doctor gave his shoulder a squeeze.

“You’re a very fortunate young man” he said “this could have ended differently and rather tragically. I’ve given you some medication for the pain so it will ease up soon but then we would need some information for you, alright?”

Loki nodded soundlessly. He was thankful he wasn’t being question now since his tongue felt like it was too big for his mouth.

“Alright, then, I will be back in a little while.”

Loki watched him leave and realized he was in a small hospital room. It was dull, as hospital rooms were, the walls a pale white. They were not dirty or cracked, just – white. There were limp looking drapes at the window beside his bed that had gone around, keeping him out of view of the other patients, he was sure. He could hear the faint beeping of machines that they were on but he couldn’t see them because once the doctor had left, he’d closed the drapes behind him. Loki had gotten a glimpse of the grey floor that was faded so much it was an insipid addition to the dull room.

The only good thing was that Loki’s bed was the one in the corner and he was able to have access to a window. All he could see was the sky, but after almost being drowned to death, he wasn’t complaining. He was happy to see that over the crashing waves that had shoved him into deep waters anyway.

He was still looking out at the skies when the drapes parted again and Loki turned, his eyes widened at the splash of color that came into his space then.

It was that man from the sea.

Cleaned, groomed and dry, but it was definitely him and Loki’s heart did a painful little jolt. His mouth parted as he stared at him openly and the man gave him a smirk before he nodded.

“Hello”

That voice was liquid gold, poured over Loki to leave him speechless. He swallowed heavily around his abused throat and nodded back.

“I’m assuming you still can’t speak or move much, aye?” the man chuckled.

Loki’s chest tightened at that one word.

He nodded once more.

“Understandable”

He saw the chair by the window and moved his large form to sit in it, facing Loki.

“How are you feeling, Guppy?”

This time, Loki cleared his throat and forced himself to speak.

“Better” he croaked.

“Ah, you sound terrible” the man snickered, then extended a hand “The name’s Thor”

Loki looked at that hand, tanned, strong and reaching out to him, so he took it carefully, feeling how warm it was, how easily it took Loki’s in itself.

“Loki” he rasped at him “Loki Laufeyson”

“My, that’s a good name” Thor said, sitting back “have you been here long, Guppy?”

Loki flushed a little bit and shook his head “No”

“Well that explains why you were out of the safe zone” Thor said “you were an accident waiting to happen and those boys were rather eager to help. In case you are wondering, they spent the last two days in the police station for throwing you overboard. Needless to say they won’t be doing anything like that again”

Loki studied him for a moment.

Thor had stunningly blue eyes – Loki had never seen such a color on a person before. He had a strong jaw, which wasn’t hidden by the well groomed beard he carried or the smile on his face. His hair, the very one Loki couldn’t forget, was tied back, showing off the neat undercut on the left side, but unable to keep a few strands from falling out of the band it was in.

“You saved my life” Loki whispered

Thor shrugged “Couldn’t exactly let you drown, could I?”

“No, I guess not” Loki’s throat was relaxing and making it easier to talk “Thank you, Thor. I … I don’t know how to repay you”

“You don’t have to” Thor said

“I want to” Loki told him “How – I mean what I can I do to…to show you my appreciation?”

The light must have played a trick on Thor’s eyes because Loki could swear he saw them turn lighter, for just a moment, just like a cat’s eyes did when light hit them.

Thor smiled “Truly?”

“Yes” Loki said quickly “how can I?”

Thor nibbled on his lip as he thought about it.

“Dinner?” he shrugged “or perhaps we could spend time together? Not in a ‘date’ fashion, but more in ‘we can kill each other’s loneliness better’”

Loki stared

This man … lonely?

Had he seen himself?

He couldn’t believe this was happening. This sexy, honestly god like man stood sitting there by his bed, asking if he wanted to spend time with him!?

There had to be a catch.

“Are you a serial killer?”

Thor snorted and laughed “No, if I wanted to kill you, I wouldn’t have saved you”

“Well…what’s the…”

“Catch?” Thor asked “nothing, to be honest, like I said, you don’t have to. I just wanted to spend some time with you, seeing how you’re new here and all”

“Why?” Loki asked curiously

Thor smiled at him for a few seconds, then replied “Because I’ve seen you around. You don’t talk to anyone, you don’t look at anyone. You don’t go to any tourist spots. You go home at the end of the night and then in the morning, you go to the ocean to float in that little boat till you can’t anymore. Then you come back and that’s it. I am no expert but I think you’re incredibly sad, Guppy, and that you need a friend”

“I’m not upset” Loki corrected him, feeling his face heat up

“I never said upset” Thor looked at him “I said sad. It’s like an ocean. Sometimes, it’s quiet and calm so it lets you function, it’s the smallest of waves that hit your feet but it doesn’t knock you down despite being there as a constant. Other times, it is loud, it is huge, a tumultuous rise of anger and anguish that bursts forth and falls upon you so you’re thrown down by its violence. You go to the waters because they match what you feel inside. You go to the peaceful part of it because you want to control that pain inside you. The ocean helps you visualize and stay above it – like you do in your boat. But it takes only one look in your green eyes to see that it’s still there, under the surface of your calm. I saw it in a moment and I’ve never seen anyone as sad as you, Loki”

Loki was silent, staring at him for a few seconds, then lowered his gaze to his hands.

“Um…” Loki cleared his throat “I …”

“Think about it” Thor stood

Loki looked at him and then at his hand, which extended a piece of paper to Loki.

“That’s my number” Thor said “I answer during the day so it would be really easy to catch me then. I live on the beach houses, cabin eighteen.”

“Really?” Loki looked at him sharply “I’m cabin twenty eight…I’m right opposite you”

“You don’t say” Thor grinned “well, who would have thought”

“Yes, I …” Loki took the paper “Thank you. I – I will see you later, then?”

“Of course” Thor smiled and winked at him “I will see you later, Guppy”

Loki rolled his eyes “Don’t call me that”

Thor threw him a flashy grin and once more, Loki swore his eyes changed color. But he told himself it was impossible.

“Call me”

Thor waved at him and walked out, nodding to the doctor who was going back to check on Loki. He saw a few nurses smile at him and he winked at them as he headed out.

He couldn’t get this man out of his mind, he couldn’t.

The moment he’d seen him, Thor felt desire inside him. He felt a need, a lust he hadn’t felt since his life was turned around.

He didn’t know how but he knew Loki was the key to getting it back.

He knew Loki would return to him what was taken and then Thor would be able to have what was his.

And he would never let it go.


	3. Everything Fades Away

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki rolled his eyes “You’re impossible.”  
> “And you’re amazing” Svadilfari said “By the way, I’m free in a few hours so would you be open to a Skype call?”

It was still cold, Loki was actually amazed how the people here could tolerate that even though the beaches were relatively warm.

_Relatively_

Coming from a city that crunched beneath his boots when it snowed, Loki was amazed by how these people still ran to the waters despite some of them coming to the hospital afterwards because of near hypothermia.

It explained why the water had been so damn freezing, too, why he couldn’t breathe.

Then again, in St Furjosa, the sun was brighter and the people braver, so he didn’t mind. He saw them and heard about a few daring ones being admitted to the hospital through nurses and other staff that came to check on him.

Mostly young people, she told him, smiling at him.

Young – as though he was at death’s door.

He knew it was the damn white at his temples that made them feel easy to judge his age and activities. He didn’t bother to correct them, he would be gone from the hospital soon anyway.

Not that it made his stay any less boring.

He didn’t have any visitors, not except Thor and it had already been a day since he last saw him and honestly, he couldn’t stop thinking about him.

More specifically, he couldn’t stop thinking about his _words_.

No one had ever spoken to him like that. Svadilfari had tried his hand at poetic words, but nothing like that, nothing that resonated with Loki, nothing that went to deep into him that he’d _felt_ them.

They had been simple enough but Loki felt them. He felt them inside his heart. Thor has put it so succinctly that he hadn’t been able to deny it. He’d just stared, not knowing what to say.

The fact that his throat hurt was an out into responding to him, but he knew that excuse fell flat even in his own head.

He bit his lip and looked out of the window of his hospital room wondering if he truly did exhibit such sadness that a stranger felt pity and wanted to take him out because he was so pathetic.

He rolled his eyes at himself and lay back.

He could do with a good bout of sedatives right now, honestly.

He had his belongings with him, brought to him in a zip lock bag and he’d finished the book he’d been reading.

He hadn’t checked his phone, however.

It was still there, in the bag. He’d put it on silent, just to avoid getting any messages when he returned from the no signal zone on his boat but he knew he’d have at least some of them.

Possibly from Amora.

Or, more terrifyingly, a text from Svadilfari responding to Loki’s last message.

He couldn’t imagine what it would be like if he did, what he would say.

He looked at the phone, hiding behind the plastic and bit his lip. He couldn’t check it right now, not at this moment.

But at the same time he felt the urge, the niggling sense to know if he’d replied to him or not.

He had to have, there was no way he could ignore a text like that, right?

However, Loki knew he could ignore a text like that and leave Loki with nothing but chagrin. He made himself look away from the phone, but not two minutes later, he was looking back at it, his mind in active conflict.

He had to check it.

If nothing else than to get it over with.

So, with a steady – somewhat – resolve, Loki reached over to pick up the bag and pull it closer.

Only to nearly drop it to the bed when his phone started to buzz. His eyes widened and his heart rate picked up when he saw the name on the screen.

 _Svadilfari_.

Loki’s throat felt thick and a throbbing started in his head as he just stared. It might have looked ridiculous but it felt like anything but that.

Dread went over him like an icy chill, numbing his brain to the point where he couldn’t think or do anything other than stare at that screen, blurred a little bit by the plastic. He was frozen and the only thing in his mind was how long the damn call could go on.

His eyes were fixed on the phone, which lit up and buzzed as he held it up.

He felt every vibration from his fingers right to his brain, increasing the anxiety he felt until…

…it stopped.

Loki breathed out softly and swallowed, waited a few seconds to see if it would ring again, but no. it stayed silent in the plastic and Loki felt safe enough to pull it out. The screen was unchanged save for the knowledge that there would be a missed call from Svadilfari inside when he lit it up.

Licking his lips, Loki pressed down on the ‘Home’ button of his phone.

His eyes widened at the collection of messages and calls from Amora, Svadilfari, Svadilfari’s office and even a few unknown numbers.

There was a load of messages too and some of them were from Svadilfari.

Loki was staring at the phone, still, as he started to go through them.

_Where are you?_

_Are you alright?_

_It’s been two days, Loki, where did you go?_

_You can’t just stop talking after a text like that._

_Never mind – I realized I was being a jerk back there, anyway, something’s come up and I need your help. I’ve sent you an email if you could get back to me on it soon (ish) that would be great._

_Dove, I sent the email, aye? Let me know when you have the time._

The rest were from Amora and Loki inwardly cringed at those

_Where the duck are you!?_

_I’ve been calling you for over a day, answer me, asshole!_

Loki didn’t have the guts to answer her over text, so he cleared everything off his screen and opened his contacts to call Amora.

His phone buzzed again and Loki swallowed heavily as he picked it up before he knew what he was doing.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Dove”

***

He hadn’t called Amora even an hour later as he lay in his bed, biting his lips. He cursed himself for taking that call, for agreeing to look over a document and edit it.

Or rather, for agreeing to look at this particular document.

When things had been better between them, both Loki and Svadilfari had started on a screenplay. It had been Svadilfari’s dream and he’d based it somewhat, over his own life and Loki’s. It was one of the first things they abandoned when their troubles started.

It was the first things Loki had thrown into the fireplace when they had been yelling at one another.

It was what made Svadilfari cheat.

Loki knew it. It was his behavior that day that had caused the man he loved to turn on him and go to another. Svadilfari hadn’t said a word as the script they’d worked on together burned in their fireplace.

He’d simply turned and left.

Two and a half months later Loki found him with that woman.

That was it.

This thing, this document was the cause of their problems, too.

Why Loki had agreed to this, he would never know. But he knew that the hot, rumbling sound of Svadilfari’s voice and the delight he’d felt in his system when he’d laughed had made him agree.

Of course once the call ended, he hated himself and cursed himself because what use it been to throw his ring away when he reacted like this?

He shouldn’t feel the enjoyment, the joy, the happiness he felt when Svadilfari paid attention to him. He shouldn’t feel giddiness all over his system.

It felt as though he was conditioned, after so long of being left without such affection, to like every time Svadilfari talked to him.

It was ridiculous and he knew it but his mind just felt….happy. Hell, his mind wanted him to run home and open his laptop to work on this.

But he wouldn’t

He had to tell Svadilfari he couldn’t and he had to distract himself from the unpleasantness he would feel when he made up his mind to disappoint Svadilfari.

His mind went to the most obvious form of distraction and he was relieved when his mind didn’t take long to conjure the image.

Thor, looming over him, smiling down at him with those stunning blonde tresses silently dripping water on his face. Loki had honestly thought it was raindrops at first, cool, soothing, on his overly warmed skin. He’d opened his eyes and seen Thor eclipsing the sun so perfectly that it looked like a halo behind his head.

His entire body had been cold, numb because of the freezing waters but he had felt warmth all the way inside him. He’d felt so good, looking at Thor and seeing that beautiful form over him.

He would have shuddered hadn’t he already been shivering.

Then even later, when he was here, his voice going over Loki, those words that came to his mind again. It made Loki’s breath catch in his throat and made his hands clench.

The man was something, definitely.

Realization dawned on him and Loki reached under his pillow where he’d kept the folded piece of paper Loki had left him. He took it out and looked at the number.

He wanted to save it in his phone but something seemed to be holding him back.

Was it truly guilt?

As though he was cheating on Svadilfari? On the resolve he’d held on to to get him back?

He felt his wrists behind tied again and shook his head, forcing himself to type down and save Thor’s number in his phone. He wrote down his name and then put the phone facedown again and sat back.

Why was he feeling guilty? It wasn’t as though he was cheating.

Whatever was holding him back was illogical and stupid.

Svadilfari hadn’t hesitated in cheating on him, Loki was allowed to meet with people. He was also allowed to meet with incredibly sexy people if he wanted to.

And he should be able to do it without guilt.

The script came into this head again, then that fight and Loki growled in irritation as he found himself circling back into those toxic thoughts where he felt like he was the one who was wrong and he was the one who should amend himself to ensure Svadilfari was happy.

No

No!

This was not right.

His instincts were wrong!

He told himself that but even the most stubborn part of him refused to listen, letting, instead, the feeling of disappointment and wariness seep into his mind again at the thought of not making Svadilfari happy.

He groaned and doubled over, his face in his hands.

His chest ached, his throat felt parched but he didn’t care.

He didn’t want to be like this!

He didn’t want to be a slave to Svadilfari’s whims, a slave to his own feelings, he wanted to be free!

He’d thrown the ring away, he’d decided to move on, why was he being pulled back by just a single phone call?

He inhaled deeply and sat up, picked up his phone and dialed Amora.

She would help him, he knew it.

But cursed as his life was, her phone went to voicemail and Loki growled at the situation. He felt unnecessary desperation claw into his mind and stay there.

How was he going to refuse Svadilfari when it was so out of character for him? It would surely bring more questions into Svadilfari’s mind and with those questions would come the cajoling that always melted Loki.

The man was a master, he truly was.

Nibbling on his lip again, Loki lay back and plucked up his phone so he could play a game till his battery ran out.

Then he would suffer once more.

***

Loki was released two days later.

And God what relief he felt at having been taken out of the hospital and let out onto the street. He was beaming with joy that afternoon and headed to the cabin he’d taken. It had been five days since he had last been there and Loki honestly wanted to see if Thor was correct and that they were neighbors.

Thor’s home was close to the beach, Loki knew, since barely anyone took those cabins. The salty air was not desired much but Thor probably didn’t mind.

And Loki wouldn’t mind having the view of a beautiful man as his neighbor.

God, if Amora was here, she would be calling him so many, many names. Speaking of, he called her on his phone and put it to his ear as he made his way back to the beach house.

It rang and Loki took a deep breath as she picked up.

“You dung loving…”

“Hello, Amora” Loki droned “I missed you too”

“Where the hell have you been!?” she demanded “Do you know how worried I was?”

Loki sighed “It’s alright, I’m fine now, but …”

“What happened?” her tone was sharp with worry “Loki, are you alright? Do you want me to fly there? Do you…?”

“Do you think you can keep your mouth shut a moment, woman? Let me explain” Loki sighed “God, you’re a fishwife”

“You’d be so lucky” Amora scoffed “so? Tell me”

“Well, I was taking a boat ride on a regular basis” Loki explained “and five days ago the boat I was in over turned…”

Her shrill screaming and cursing him for his lack of responsibility made Loki move the phone away from his ear. It was high pitched and slightly amusing, so he kept it there till she calmed down and heard her calling his name again.

“You done?” he asked

“How could you be this irresponsible!?” she demanded “You can’t swim!”

“I am aware of that” Loki said “but you won’t believe what happened next”

“What?”

He told her then, he told her about Thor, about what he did and how he saved his life, then came to visit him in the hospital, he even told her what he said.

“Wow” Amora said at the end of it “Are you sure he’s real? You know when you lose oxygen in your brain, you start hallucinating”

“I was not hallucinating, he was there, Amora” Loki walked past a kissing couple and tried not to grimace “he gave me his number and wanted me to go with him – not as a date, however”

“Well what are you waiting for?” Amora asked “maybe you need a good romp to get over that cheating bastard”

“Amora!”

“What?” she asked “come on, don’t tell me you don’t want that man pounding you into the mattress, Loki, I can practically feel your thirst”

“Stop it” Loki blushed “it’s not like that, I hardly know him!”

“And isn’t that perfect?” she insisted “a handsome stranger while you’re alone on vacation, who happens to live right next to you? Has that ever happened to anyone?”

“No, but …”

“But, nothing!” Amora snapped “Loki, come on. If this works out you can finally move on and if not, then it would be a good memory”

“I have no good memories of anything that hasn’t worked out, Amora” Loki said, a little heatedly

“Yes, but you can’t have any of those if you still live in the past” she told him immediately “you’re on vacation to let go of what happened. Unless you truly do that, without reservation, you can’t get over Svadilfari”

Loki felt a jolt inside him at that name and clearly, Amora knew.

“You need to stop feeling that anxiety you just felt when I said his name”

To that, Loki could say nothing and she sighed

“I’m not trying to make you feel embarrassed” she said “but you know you can’t move on until you take a step forward and do something. It won’t happen magically, Loki”

“When did you get so wise?” Loki asked, looking both ways as he crossed a street.

“When you stopped” Amora said “you’re better than this, you know. Even the Boss thinks so. You just need to get your focus back”

“Perhaps” Loki exhaled “Listen, I am about to reach home and I will call you after I settle down, yeah?”

“Of course” Amora said “Love you, ass”

“I love you, too” Loki said

He hung up, put the phone in his pocket and walked on. The sun was still high and he saw people still going to the beach. It was fair, thought, since it was warm in the day time, but then he saw something that made him stop.

It was a flyer that advertised that there would be a midnight swim in the freezing, numbing waters tonight and anyone who was interested would be invited.

Incredible.

People _could_ get stupider.

Shaking his head, Loki went on his way, staying on the side walk as he made his way back to his rented cabin.

It was still there, Loki could sense how silent it was as he climbed the stairs up to his front door to unlock it and go in.

The scent of the sea and silence filled his space as he walked in and turned on the light.

There was a fine layer of sand on everything he saw and Loki exhaled loudly.

“Ah, perfect”

There was a sliver of window opened, just enough to let this thing in, right there in the living room. It glittered as he looked at it and decided to ‘nope’ out of this particular adventure. He was in no mood to clean up. Not now at any rate.

He wanted a bath and he wanted it as soon as possible.

Thankfully, the mess was reserved to the living room and Loki spent a blessed one hour in his tub, basking in warm water and the book he’d been reading before he almost drowned.

He then wore his softest clothes, ignored the living room again and went to the kitchen to see if there was anything left for him to cook.

There were a few left overs which he threw away but he did find the ingredients for a delicious one pot beef with broccoli dish and some boiled rice.

The smell of food filled the air and Loki sat down after a while, enjoying the late lunch on his deck. He could see the sun was setting soon, heard the sea gulls squealing somewhere up above him as he forked up some more dinner.

He was halfway done when someone cleared their throat and Loki turned, blinking when he saw Thor standing at the base of his deck staircase.

“Hello” Thor titled his head up, squinting a bit against the sunlight “You look better”

Loki stared at him for a few seconds, then shook his head and stood

“Oh, forgive me, I …”

“It’s alright” Thor chuckled “I just came in to check on you”

Loki held his bowl and tried not to blush too much “I’m much better, thank you.”

“Aye you are, otherwise you would still be in the hospital” Thor teased

And damn Loki for actually turning beet red as he stood there. God damn it, he was supposed to be above this!

“Is everything inside alright?” Thor asked “the sand has a nasty habit of sneaking in when you’re away”

“Oh, I fear that did happen” Loki told him “but I decided to let it win for today”

Thor grinned “Well, that’s an attitude”

Loki felt his lips curve into a smile and cleared his throat “Um…you wouldn’t happen to want some lunch, would you?”

“Is it that delicious thing I smelled down to my place?” Thor asked

“Maybe?” Loki laughed softly “But come on in, I will get you some. I made more than enough”

Thor needed no second invitation and followed Loki through the backdoor into the kitchen. Loki, with his back to Thor, took a steadying breath and walked inside before him.

And God, did Thor dominate that small kitchen the moment he stepped in. he took a deep breath and smiled.

“Yes, I was definitely right”

He went over to lift the pan Loki was cooking in and smelled the food.

“This smells incredible – what is it?”

“One pot beef” Loki said “You’ve never had it?”

Thor shook his head “Not really, but I would love to. Thank you”

He took the rice filled bowl Loki handed him and then the ladle to scoop it out for himself. He looked hungry and Loki felt a little blush creep up his neck again as Thor took a deep inhale.

“Perfection”

They sat on the dining room table then and Thor dug in with gusto, as Loki placed water for them between their bowls.

“Delicious”

“Thank you” Loki said, having his own food

“You love cooking, I assume?” Thor asked

“I do” Loki said “been doing it since I was eighteen”

“Well it shows. The beef is perfectly tender” Thor took another bite “I might not have food like this a lot but I know when it’s well made”

Loki rolled his eyes “Laying it on a bit thick, aren’t you?”

“Well, worth a shot, I guess” Thor winked at him

Loki’s heart almost jolted and he looked back to his beef and broccoli dish.

“So” Thor smiled “tell me about yourself. You swan dive into the ocean a lot?”

Loki laughed “No, and you have no tact, let me tell you that”

“Well, I have something” Thor teased “the ability to swim”

“Oh of course” Loki chuckled “You make it a weekly habit of rescuing heartbroken people from drowning”

It was a joke, clearly, but Loki paused when he heard no laughter and saw instead, a frown on Thor’s brow.

“Heartbroken?”

Loki blinked, his face flushed when he realized what he’d said “Oh … I didn’t mean that. It was a joke”

Thor still looked at him and Loki found himself getting lost in those amazing eyes. They were so beautiful and his expression so earnest that Loki couldn’t help it.

“My …” he began “my husband cheated on me”

Thor’s lips parted in surprise “Oh, Loki”

Loki shrugged “It shouldn’t have surprised me, you know? I knew in my mind he wasn’t happy but I likely didn’t want to see it”

“You do …still feel for him?” Thor asked

Loki thought about lying but what good would it do? Thor had seen him half dunked in water like a disgusting creature, what was he trying to save, his dignity?

He had none, he thought bitterly.

“Yes” Loki said

“Is that why you’re here?” Thor asked “to forget him?”

“That would be correct” Loki wanted to bury himself into his bowl after that

“How’s that working out for you?” Thor looked at the way his hands clenched.

Loki shrugged “I don’t really have a clue”

He looked defeated, his shoulders became hunched, he put his feet together under the table, being as small and unobtrusive as possible. It was strange because he was a tall man and so sad that it was almost palpable.

“Well, this is the right place to come and forget, Guppy” Thor smiled “and if you like, I could help you”

“What, are you some sort of super hero?” Loki joked a bit “you save me from drowning and now you want to help me get over my ex?”

“Sure, I don’t really get along with anyone here and you really stand out so it could prove to be a good deal” Thor took a forkful of the food and hummed “If you like you can repay me by making lunch for me”

Loki scoffed and rolled his eyes “How sweet, I’m a nineteen fifties house wife now”

“Now come on” Thor said “If that were true, you’d have your hair in a bun”

Loki gave him a dry look and shook his head, keeping his retort at bay.

After their finished their lunch, Thor insisted on doing the dishes and Loki watched, arms crossed, suspicious.

He saw Thor throwing nervous glances his way but he didn’t say anything.

He was right to be wary, the last time he was open with a man he’d been younger and honestly, he didn’t know how to be that person any longer.

Not that it mattered, because a moment after he set the last dish down, Thor looked out of the window

“Oh, damn, I have to go”

Loki blinked at him, surprised “What? How come?”

“Commitments” Thor quickly placed the dish rag aside “You know, the kind I can’t get out of”

“But…”

Loki watched him hurry about, looking around in a near frenzy in case he missed anything. He spun and gathered his wallet off the couch before he headed to the kitchen.

“The food was delicious, Loki” Thor said, all but jogging to the door “I am grateful. Thank you”

Loki was right behind him and he froze, going absolutely still when Thor suddenly turned and kissed him on the cheek.

“Tomorrow, I promise, visit me!”

With that, like a whirlwind, Thor was climbing down the stairs and rushing off past his house, to somewhere the beach was. His blonde hair glistened in the setting sun as he fled and the heat of his lips remained on Loki’s cheek.

He couldn’t help but blush and shook his head before he went back in and closed the door behind him.

***

Against his better judgement, Loki ended up going to the midnight swim.

It wasn’t because he was getting in the water, no. it was to see what this was all about.

And apparently, it was a complete event here in Furjosa. There were stalls of food, robes, slippers, warm soup, alcohol, even two medical vehicles waiting to take anyone who got hypothermia to the hospital. There were all sorts of people there, families, friends, tourists…

It was unlike anything he had ever seen, there were outdoor heaters, warm lights, anything that made those who were currently splashing in the water feel comfortable.

Those who chose to stay on the shore had games, beach parties and every little bit of enjoyment.

Loki couldn’t resist taking a few pictures and sending them to Amora.

She replied immediately, of course.

“Is Thor there?”

Loki frowned – he should be here. This was the type of thing a man like him would probably like. He would probably be walking around in a pair of swimming trunks and nothing else while Loki was all bundled up in a parka and thick clothes, hands in his pockets as he looked around at everything.

It was very impressive to watch. People were in their swimming suits and were in the water or lazing around on the shore as though it was perfectly normal.

He should do a piece on this when he got home and just like that thought, inspiration hit him.

Loki found a small unattended chair and sat in it, pulling his phone out, opening his drive and started to type in what his mind conjured up.

He could send it to Amora and she would tell him if their boss would even publish it or not.

His thumbs tapped quickly on the keys and soon enough, Loki was immersed.

He bit his lip as he typed and was concentrating so hard that the person who had stopped in front of him had to clear his throat twice before Loki looked up.

“Oh”

Loki blinked, seeing the life guard from earlier, standing there and smiling at him.

“Hey”

“Hello” Loki said

He got to his feet, not comfortable with him sitting down while this tall man stood so close to him, despite him not being able to do anything because the place was crowded.

“I wanted to ask how you were” the lifeguard said

He was holding two drinks in his hands and extended them both to Loki

“And perhaps offer you one?”

Loki looked down at the beers and hesitantly took one “Um, thank you. And I am fine, thank you for inquiring”

“Yes, those boys are punished, in case you were wondering, they were banned from the beach and any activities that endangered the other swimmers” he said “I’m Vidarr”

“Loki”

Loki didn’t like that he told him his name and he took a sip of his drink as he looked around.

“Loki” Vidarr smiled “that’s a nice name. So, where are you from, Loki?”

“Uh … Surrey” Loki lied “what about you?”

“St. Furjosa, born and raised” Vidarr said “I don’t think I can handle a big city like you do. Too much noise pollution”

“Possibly, but once you live there it’s hard to live anywhere else” Loki took another sip “How long have you been a lifeguard?”

“Since I was eighteen” Vidarr said “I’ve got another job, I work at a bar. Come to think of it, it’s the same bar Thor works at during the day”

That made Loki give him a bit more attention and Vidarr almost sighed.

“You know Thor?”

“This is a small town, everyone knows everyone” Vidarr snickered “except the tourists. They are new to us, it’s why we are so fascinated by them”

“Well” Loki grimaced “Nothing to be fascinated by here, forgive me”

“Oh, I wouldn’t say that” Vidarr smiled “I … I would love to take you out for a drink sometime”

Loki raised the glass he held “I think you already did”

Vidarr felt his face heat up a bit “Ah, come on. That’s an icebreaker. I meant a real drink – like a date”

Loki really didn’t want to and bit his lip as he looked at the young man before him.

God, everyone was younger than him, better than him, it pissed him off.

His phone rang and Loki blinked, looking down at it.

“Oh, excuse me”

He picked it up without seeing the name and that was his mistake.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Dove”

Loki stilled “Svadilfari”

“Yeah” Svadilfari chuckled “How are you doing? Also are you out somewhere? It’s so loud”

Loki laughed “Uh, yeah. There’s a midnight swim going on here, I thought to check it out”

“You? Swim?” Svadilfari snickered “Aw, Dove, you never learned, remember? Remember Venice?”

“Oh, I don’t think I can forget that”

Behind him, Vidarr rolled his eyes, shaking his head as he walked off, clearly dismissed.

“I can’t either” Svadilfari laughed softly “Have you been well?”

“I have, yes” Loki said “I’m currently having a cool glass of alcohol and speaking to…”

He turned and saw Vidarr was gone, which Vidarr noticed in the distance and made his way back.

“Someone” Loki finished “I think I offended him”

“You mean I offended him” Svadilfari’s warm voice said

“Maybe” Loki smiled because his mood was suddenly better

There was silence for a moment and Loki nodded to Vidarr, actually giving him a smile.

“I’m glad you’re having fun” Svadilfari said, Loki could hear his smile “you deserve it”

“Thank you” Loki spoke quietly, self conscious for some reason “I’m uh…your email, it …”

“Ah, yes, of course” Svadilfari said quickly “I knew I could count on you, Dove.”

“Well…”

“Can I have it by the end of the week, if possible?” he cut in “I don’t think anyone would do a better job than you. I’ll pay you, of course”

“Oh, it’s not that, Svadilfari, you know that” Loki hesitated “I’m just…”

“Swamped?” Svadilfari beamed “understandable, and you are on vacation, so I can’t expect you to put everything away to do this. Alright, I will give it to someone less worthy”

Loki rolled his eyes “You’re impossible.”

“And you’re amazing” Svadilfari said “By the way, I’m free in a few hours so would you be open to a Skype call?”

Loki’s stomach dropped and he looked at Vidarr, then back to nothing.

“I …”

“I’m taking that as a yes” Svadilfari said “See you at midnight”

He hung up and Loki pulled the phone away from his ear to stare at it.

“Is everything alright?” Vidarr asked

“Um…yes” Loki looked at him as he slid his phone into his pocket “Sorry about that it was a friend”

“Ah” Vidarr said, then nodded to where he’d come from “You want to head on over to my friends? We are good company”

Loki looked to where he gestured and saw a group of young people dancing. Any other day he would have said no, but honestly, with the feelings Svadilfari just stirred in him, it looked like something he needed.

“Sure”

Vidarr was very happy about that and led Loki to his friends, introducing them to him and handing him another beer.

The music was turned louder and soon, with two drinks inside him, Loki felt free enough to begin dancing. Vidarr loved it and stayed close to him, dancing with him at one point too.

He tried to give him another drink but Loki declined, opting instead, to have the burgers that were being grilled by their group.

It was delicious and so was the soda Loki had, sitting and chatting with Vidar about everything they could come up with without going too deep into a conversation.

“Hey!”

One of Vidarr’s friends came over, a smile on her face

“Have you heard of Jormungandr?”

Vidarr scoffed a little heatedly and Loki frowned a bit.

“No?” he looked at the girl “What is that?”

“It’s our version of the Loch Ness Monster” Vidarr said “not real.”

“You’re just jealous because you weren’t there that day” she said

Loki looked between the two, wondering what fresh hell this was.

“There is a monster, a sea serpent that lurks in these seas” she told Loki “and I’ve seen it”

“You thought you saw it” Vidarr corrected “You think if there was something like that, the scientists wouldn’t have seen it?”

“Not if it only comes out at dark and stays in the deep” she said, then looked at Loki “I was with my family, camping, when I was eleven. My whole family was there and it was late at night when we saw him”

“Him?” Loki asked

“Jormungandr”

“Oh” Loki said

“He was terrifying, I saw his back, he was twenty feet long, at least, thick shiny scales all over his back, gold, frightening eyes that looked like cut glass. His teeth were as long as my arm.” she went on “I went to get my camera but he was gone by then”

“And then she woke up”

“It’s real” she told Loki “he is jealous because he wasn’t there”

“I am not jealous, it’s a myth, nothing else” Vidarr said “tourists love this sort of thing and she’s one of the people who organizes night time sailing to see the creature. No one has seen him”

“I have and many other people have, too” she defended “He’s been here for over ten years, there have been countless sightings”

She was adamant and honestly, Loki was bored. There was folklore like this almost everywhere and he knew it wasn’t real.

“He protects the sea” she told him seriously “you should research on it”

Loki hummed “I will try”

He stood and brushed himself down, looking at his phone.

It was quarter to eleven.

His heart started to pound and he bit his lip.

Should he talk to Svadilfari?

He knew it wasn’t a good idea but honestly, somehow, Loki felt healed at the thought of talking to him. The conversation had felt great.

The fact that he hadn’t afterwards, however, spoke for itself. He knew going to him to heal would break him more than anything, but those few moments…

God, Amora would kill him.

But Svadilafari’s voice…

Loki was conflicted. He wanted to get over him but honestly, he was the only one he wanted to talk to.

That was the problem, really.

He wanted to speak to him but he didn’t want to at the same time.

To talk to him would destroy all progress he’d made, to not talk…

Well, honestly, Loki would be lying to himself if he said he didn’t want to talk. That little flip in his belly, that rush in his ears as he listened to his molten sweet voice, it all made the pain seem worth it.

And, he told himself, it would show that he no longer felt as strongly for him as before.

It was one of the reasons why he was locked in a one sided love that brought him nothing but sorrow.

Conflict

His inability to choose in situations like this.

Or rather, choose the right option.

Loki took a deep breath “It’s late and I am going sight seeing tomorrow, so I should head off to bed”

“Oh, you’re leaving” Vidarr stood, too

“Kind of have to” Loki said “but thank you, so much. I – I truly had fun, I didn’t think I would”

That seemed to placate Vidarr and he walked with Loki as they headed to the exit

“I would really like to take you out for a drink” he said

Loki smiled “How about a raincheck on that? We can work out a time?”

Vidarr beamed “Perfect. Good night, Loki”

“Sleep well”

He pat his back and made the short walk home. His keys were in his pocket and he played with them nervously.

Should he take that call?

He felt like a ball of tangled yarn. All sorts of feelings covered him on all sides. Happiness, despair, joy, sadness, excitement, wariness, and those where the things he could see clearly.

There was a bigger mess inside him, one he couldn’t see, the damage done to him.

It felt unyielding and never ending.

His pain seemed never ending, but then again there was Svadifari, telling him he wanted to talk, he wanted to talk to him on a video call where he could see him.

He knew the risk – seeing him would make Loki regress but honestly, having Svadilfari’s undying attention would make him feel better.

Would it?

No, the answer was.

It wouldn’t

His rented house came over and Loki climbed the stairs, unlocked it and went in.

He locked the doors and turned on the light to the living room, then went upstairs where he had his laptop securely hidden.

He didn’t want to take any sort of risk.

He didn’t have to open it tonight, but with Svadilfari’s words, his desire to talk to him, he wasn’t against opening it.

Alright, he wasn’t sleepy, he told himself, so he could change and watch a few episodes of something on his Netflix.

He had a portable internet devices ready for just this sort of things.

So, he compromised.

His eagerness to talk to Svadilfari was obvious so he delayed it on purpose even as his mind thought of nothing else.

At ten past twelve, he walked out of his bathroom, freshly showered and ready for bed.

He brought the laptop out and set it on the bed, sitting cross legged before it, but didn’t open it. He ran his finger over the lid, feeling the grooves and the pattern under his finger tip. Feelings of rage and love and ambition and fear all went through him at the thought of opening it and starting that call.

Should he?

Already his mind was constructing different scenarios in his head. He’s surprised with how far he had come, that he had this control to not open and dive into the call already. Earlier in life, he wouldn’t have been able to resist.

He was, of course, fooling himself.

There was no progress but he wanted to see it. He wanted to tell himself it was alright to take this call and even be eager for it no matter how much he tried to lie to himself.

He _wanted_ to talk to Svadilfari.

He really did.

He just didn’t wish to admit it.

So, once more, he stood and went to the kitchen to get a drink he returned, opened the laptop and pretended he was not going to open the chat app instantly.

He made himself wait, he told himself to, but he was biting his lip and smiling because he wanted nothing more than to have Svadilfari talk to him tonight.

It would be his highlight.

Once his screen lit up after he was let into his account, he saw a big red dot on his Skype letting him know he’d been texted.

Grinning in enthusiasm he didn’t even try to curb, Loki clicked on it, then clicked on Svadilfari’s name to see his message.

He froze.

‘Guess you are partying too hard’ it said ‘Maybe another time, Dove. Sleep well, whenever you do and take care of yourself’

His stomach dropped and Loki set his drink aside and typed out a message.

‘Just got home, are you there?’

He waited

His brain felt like it was on _fire_ , there was a desperate urgency that hadn’t been there before, clawing at the inside of his skull as he waited, hoping, even praying that he was going to reply, that that yellow, idle icon would change to green and they would talk.

His heart started to hurt and he cursed himself, he hated himself.

Because it didn’t change, Svadilfari didn’t come online and Loki didn’t get to talk to him.

Frustration and disappointment clouded his mind and an incredible _loneliness_ made him keep the laptop on for most of the night, waiting with that window open, to see a change in it.

He fell asleep next to it, but not a single message notification arrived for him.

Because he was stressed, he woke early and immediately he clicked his laptop open.

He felt overwhelmed with despair when he saw that Svadilfari had _seen_ his message but he hadn’t replied.

Humiliation colored his face and Loki felt dread and shame drown him. He felt a headache forming behind his skull and forced himself out of bed so he wouldn’t have to stay there, trying to get himself to rest when in reality it was what he wanted.

He felt tired and he wanted to push this away.

Loki went to the bedroom window to open the drapes and blinked in surprise when he saw Thor trudging through the sand, drenched, heading back to his place.

He looked exhausted, like he’d been swimming for hours.

Odd because Loki hadn’t seen him at the beach but perhaps he came in later?

He stood there, watching his progress as Thor stopped at his door and looked around.

And again, Loki saw that strange flash of blue in his eyes, before he opened his doors and walked in.

He shut the door after himself and Loki waited for him to walk out again.

He didn’t at least not for as long as Loki watched.

Then Loki stepped back from the window and went to the kitchen, knowing what he wanted to do for the day.

***

The gentle breeze flew over him, cooling his exhausted body. He was bare save for the towel around his waist and lay on top of his bed cover, too tired after his night long damn swim to even take it off.

He was too tired to sleep, his mind was awake and on full and left him in a foul, nasty temper. He was hungry but didn’t want to get up and make something. The kitchen was likely empty, too.

The midnight swim had seriously inconvenienced him. Usually, he wouldn’t be this angry, but his situation, the hunger, the exhaustion were all making him feel despairingly upset with his life. He wanted to break something and preferably he wanted it to be a certain someone’s head.

He grit his jaw and let out a growl, his hands itching to unleash some sort of violence and he cussed loudly against the anger he felt.

His doorbell rang.

Thor frustration mounted higher and he ran his hands through his hair as he sat up angrily and looked towards the door as though he could see the who it was from up there.

He hoped they would leave and that he wouldn’t be bothered. He should call his work and tell them he wasn’t coming but even that pissed him off.

Let him get fired, who even cared?

Thor stood and went to put on some pants, at least.

He hurled the towel aside and yanked open his closet door and pulled on the first pair of shorts he saw.

The bell rang again.

“Who the fuck…” Thor growled, stomping barefoot downstairs.

It was ten in the damn morning, who was bothering him at this hour?

He saw a figure outside, their shadow reflected on the closed drapes at the window by the door.

Thor didn’t care. He went over, hissing in irritation as the bell rung a third time, then pulled the door open.

“What!?”

Loki was outside.

He startled and flinched back, dropping the Tupperware box he’d been holding to Thor’s porch and stared at him, shocked.

And offended

Thor felt his stomach clench in dread and he gaped, all anger leaving him.

“Oh God, Loki, I’m so sorry”

He was an idiot!

He opened the door as Loki bent to pick up the box and Thor bit his lip

“Loki, I apologize, I didn’t know it was you”

“No, it’s alright” Loki mumbled “It’s early, you were probably sleeping and I came over unannounced…”

Thor gently grasped his wrist and saw those anxious green eyes look even more worried.

“I’m sorry” Thor whispered “Please come in, I … Let me make it up to you”

Loki looked at his hand, then at his face, then moved his gaze to the box he had.

“I – I thought you could use some breakfast” Loki began to explain “I made some croque monsieur because they are one of my favorites, here”

He shoved the box at Thor

“I’m sorry I came to bother you” Loki apologized “It won’t happen again”

He pulled away from him and Thor went after immediately as Loki took off

“Loki” he called “Please, let me explain!”

“There’s nothing to explain, just give the box back when you’re done, alright?” Loki jogged down the beach to where his house was “Goodbye”

Thor stopped, watching as Loki climbed the stairs up to his backdoor and vanished inside.

He heard it lock and cursed out loud.

This was not how this was supposed to end, he wasn’t about to drive his only chance away after a temper tantrum!

He hung his head, took a deep breath and went back home to get dressed, then walked back over, going to knock on his door softly

“Loki” he called “Please let me in”

He stood there, nibbling on his lip.

God, he was so stupid! This is why he borderline hated his stupid life. I turned him into a bigger idiot than he already was.

He heard Loki inside then knocked again

“Please?” Thor asked “I’m very sorry. Let me in so we can enjoy this breakfast together”

Again, there was nothing and Thor took a step back, thinking about how he would make it up to him when the lock clicked and the wooden door opened. The screen door in front of Thor didn’t and he could see Loki’s green eyes narrowed at him.

“I’m sorry” Thor said, “I didn’t mean to disrespect you that way. I don’t have a reason other than I am a complete asshole. Please forgive me”

Loki’s eyes narrowed and he sighed “Fine. But you’re doing the dishes”

Thor beamed “Happily”

He waited for the screen door to open and hopped in, looking at Loki.

“I’m sorry”

And like that, bent and kissed his cheek again. He walked off after but to his delight, he had caught the beginnings of a blush touch his cheeks. Thor went and put the Tupperware box on the table and inhaled the delicious scent that came from it

“Now this is the type of breakfast I can have every day”

“I will give you the recipe” Loki said, pulling out a frying pan “Now set the table and I will fry the egg that goes on top”

“Oh, really? There’s more?”

“Of course” Loki told him “I was going to tell you before you snapped at me”

As expected, Thor’s face flushed in shame.

“I…I’m sorry, Loki” he said again “I swear I wouldn’t have if – God, this will sound so stupid but I hadn’t eaten and…”

“You snapped at me because you were hangry” Loki asked “what, are you five years old?”

Thor lowered his gaze “Yes”

Loki snorted and rolled his eyes “Idiot. Then set everything so we can remedy that”

Thor was more than happy to and ten minutes later, he was digging into his delicious meal with a nice cup of hot coffee set on the table before him.

“Incredible” Thor told him “this is amazing”

“Well,” Loki basked in his compliments “I usually save it for better people but you can enjoy it”

Thor smiled and bowed his head a little “Excellent, I will savor this”

The awkwardness and sting faded between them and soon, once more, Thor was doing the dishes.

“Loki, what do you say to a real tour of this place?”

Loki, who was finishing his coffee, looked at him “What? With you?”

“Aye” Thor gave him a smile over his shoulder “I can take you around on my bike, we can go to the ancient city, the one carved into the mountains, it will be incredible.”

“I had been intending on going there” Loki said “for writing purposes”

“Oh, that’s perfect, I’m almost done. I’ll get things ready for us. You should wear something warm, it will get cold there” Thor said, washing his hands “I’ll be back in about twenty minutes”

“Alright, then” Loki smiled

It didn’t take long for him to get excited about it and he took his camera with him, eager to get this going. It already felt promising, more so when they made their way there and Thor took a scenic route, telling him about every single thing he could, stopping when Loki wanted to take a good picture and generally being a gentleman.

He had a backpack over his shoulder that they had filled with chips and sandwiches, sweets and bottles of water, but honestly, Loki was more interested in getting there.

It was a blessing that they had a midnight swim the night before because most of the people were too tired to get out of bed this morning and the place had barely anyone.

But Loki had eyes only for the stunning piece of history before them.

The old St Furjosa was an architectural masterpiece. It was half built and half carved into the mountain side, surrounded on the sides by mountains that hid hundreds of caverns and passages. There were gorges inside, made with a detailed map of the city that had been a wonder even to this day.

Loki stood behind the long barrier line that kept tourists at bay and took pictures, read the descriptions and marveled at this stunning construction.

Oh, how desperately he wanted to go in and look at every single building. He wanted to touch the walls, he wanted to feel the history behind it.

He wanted to soak it all in and fall in love with it.

Thor was behind him, of course, watching the huge city before him, set in the grey mountains, as though something out of a fairy tale.

There were security guards around and Loki saw them going their jobs, watching and making sure no one went close to the ancient city.

There was a long pathway that ended in a sheer drop in the mountain where the city ended. There was a huge gorge down below, with the sound of rushing water rising from it. It was freezing and Loki saw no people here.

Made sense since he’d been there only for a moment and stuck his hand in his gloves.

A sharp whistle made him look to the side and his eyes widened

Thor had climbed to the opposite side of the railing and was smiling at him

“Loki, come here!”

“No, are you insane!?” Loki gasped, going over “Get back here!”

“There’s a doorway right here, in the wall” Thor said, smiling at him “You want to experience these caverns first hand?”

“No” Loki said firmly “Get back or I am calling security”

“Oh, come on, Guppy” Thor cooed, not moving from his spot “don’t you want to see the tombs and catacombs in here?”

Loki wanted to, desperately. He wanted to go in and explore it all.

“No, I do not” Loki growled “Come back”

Thor gave him another smile

“Thor, come back before we’re both arrested!”

Thor stepped down

“Thor!”

“Loki,” Thor whined “Live a little. Haven’t you ever wanted to see things like this all alone? Without security hounding you? These places are stunning, come on”

Loki hissed in frustration and moved back a little to see if anyone was watching them.

To his luck, no one was and he strode to Thor

“You’re going to get us in trouble” he said “come back”

“Listen” Thor said “you can take one of two paths here. One, you can go back, stay by my bike and wait for me because I am going in here. I will tell you everything you missed and you will regret giving up this choice. Two, you come with me, I keep you safe and ensure that you have an experience you will never forget.”

He shrugged “Your choice”

“You are crazy” Loki told him

“I know” Thor extended his hand “now will you be crazy with me and explore this stunning city or will you stay safe?”

His instinct told him to go back.

But his instinct also told him to please Svadilfari no matter what.

Loki sighed, conflicted, looking at his hand, then his face.

“Trust me” Thor told him “I won’t let you get hurt and I know you want to, I can practically feel it”

Loki grit his teeth “I am mad, just thinking about it”

“I know” Thor grinned “now come on”

Loki huffed loudly and walked over

“You will kill me, I know you will”

Thor laughed and guided him over to the other side of the railing “Possibly. Now do you see the door? I am going to lower you to it, do not let go of my hand till you are stable, understand?”

“Fuck, I’m dying” Loki said

He clung to Thor’s arm, his breath stuck in his throat, as he slowly lowered himself to the edge of the doorway almost a meter below the spot Thor was hanging at. It was tricky, he honestly felt like he would tip back and fall but he took his time and with a gentle nudge from Thor’s foot, he was inside the doorway.

“Alright, now my turn” Thor said

Loki could only see his feet, but he screamed a second later then Thor just dropped. He fell down, grabbing the edge of the doorway with his hands and laughing at Loki’s face.

“Asshole!” Loki gasped, walking over “You’re a jerk”

Thor snickered “You should have seen your face”

“You should see yours” Loki scoffed, pulling him up “Now what?”

“Now” Thor dug into his bag and pulled out a flashlight “We explore”

He pointed it ahead and Loki saw the doorway lead to a long, deep pathway before them.

“After you?”

Loki grit his jaw and took a deep breath

And walked.

***

The temperature dropped the moment they entered the caverns and Loki was grateful that Thor had told him to get something warm. He stuck his hands into his parka’s pockets and looked around.

Thor had taken him down through a few tunnels and into a massive underground chamber.

There was a ceiling higher than Loki had ever seen and he looked up, his mouth falling open when he saw the crystals and shining rocks embedded in it. With the blackness of the ceiling, the sparkling crystals made it look like a universe up above and Loki gasped.

“Oh my God”

Thor smiled “Aye, right?”

Loki spun as he looked up, letting Thor shine the light and cover them in a dim glow.

“How…” Loki whispered, marveled by this.

It was unlike anything he had ever seen. There were no jagged teeth of stone or dirt, just that polished ceiling and the smooth ground they stood on.

“This is unbelievable” Loki turned to the side, looking wherever Thor shined the light “I’ve never seen anything like this”

“They used to give tours” Thor said “but they stopped when people began to steal things, come on. I’ll show you more”

He took Loki’s hand and pulled him forward, into a carved doorway, one of many, that led in further. The tunnels after that massive chambers were small, but Loki was unprepared to where Thor led him and he gasped in wonder when he saw it.

“Thor”

His eyes widened when they came upon rows upon rows of doorways, an entire city, carved deep into the mountains. They had pictures of this outside, but seeing it himself was beyond words.

“What is this place?”

“These” Thor jogged over to what had once been the main road, thicker, bigger than the other streets that Loki could see “Were the market places, and that, all around, were the houses. People lived here for centuries, Loki, come here”

He went back, took his hand and led him deeper, deeper into the cave.

Here, there were tapes that were clearly marked to show no public was allowed here and Loki hesitated.

“Where are we going?”

“There”

There was a huge drop where Thor stopped and pointed his light ahead.

It was tiny, a dot compared to what lay before them but then Thor did something Loki could never imagine.

He turned the flashlight to a situated mirror and before Loki’s eyes, beamed of light shot from that mirror to another, to another to countless others and brightened the sight before him.

Loki gasped.

There, before him, was a huge, stunning palace, carved and built right into the mountainside.

It was hundreds of meters tall, laden with the same crystals that were in the ceiling and Loki gaped openly.

“That’s…” Loki swallowed heavily “That’s…”

“A palace” Thor smiled “You, dearest Guppy, are standing in the place once known as the most powerful City of Asgard”

Loki looked around, seeing what was before him

The palace was older than any bone or historic piece Loki had ever seen in his life, yet there was no part of it that was pitted or jagged. It was smooth, polished like marble as it stood at least a kilometer away from where he was. He was tiny compared to it, an insignificant speck in front of the giant that was before him.

The grey stone rose from the sides of the mountain, grand, majestic, so powerful that Loki felt the strength it had no doubt held for centuries.

In the chorus of his own beating heart, he heard the faint dripping of water and moved, just enough to see what lay beneath.

There was darkness, nothing else and up above, the same, closed ceiling.

“Who built this?” Loki asked

“Some say Vikings” Thor replied, looking around, too “But I don’t think that”

“Why not?” Loki looked to him

“They never stayed in one place long” Thor smiled at him “Come”

Loki nodded “Hold on”

He lifted his camera, but startled when Thor put his hand on it and lowered it

“Don’t take pictures” he said “we don’t know what it could trigger, what still lives here”

Loki stared at him and this time there was no mistaking it

Thor’s eyes had been shining.

He didn’t say a word and let him take him out, going towards another chamber.

But the sight of those eyes didn’t leave his mind at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Reposting this story for reasons.


	4. Closer...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He suddenly became aware of everything. Of the heat of Thor’s body, the taut press of his muscles against his own body, the strength in his hands and the taste of the ocean on his lips. It was unreal, nearly fantastic and Loki’s eyes slid closed as they kissed. His breath hitched and he let out a soft, low moan, which caused Thor to shudder against him.

The tunnels would have curled endlessly into the infinite dark had Thor not had his torch with him. It lit their path as they explored the entire city and Loki was fascinated by everything he saw. The only hint that they were entering another part of the city was a gentle rise at the end of the tunnel where they could approach another large chamber.

Thor had clearly been here before, multiple times, evidenced by the ease with which he explained everything. He showed him the healing rooms, the studies, the libraries and the latter was what Loki found captivating.

There were empty shelves, the books long since gone, but there were pages and tattered remains that Loki was desperate to pick up.

Thor laughed softly as he picked up a worn out, brown piece of paper.

“You truly see value in that?” Thor asked

Loki nodded “Yes, I can hardly believe I am holding it”

Thor was a few paces away from him, making his way out when Loki had gone to get the paper and he returned to see what he was looking at.

“What are you holding?” he asked, peeking over his shoulder

“A tale of some sort” Loki frowned “I can’t make out the words”

“That’s because those are runes” Thor pointed out “You would need to decipher them better”

“That’s not a rune” Loki pointed to the bottom of the browned paper “it looks like a snake”

Thor tensed behind him and was about to say something when they heard voices. Beams of a spotlight and flashing red lights told them that security knew they were in there and in St Furjosa, they could get arrested.

Thor cussed loudly, turned off his light and grabbed Loki, pushing him to the very back of the row they were in. Loki was stiff and stumbled back, surprised, especially when Thor placed a hand over his lips and pushed him against the back wall.

Then he heard the voices.

Loki’s eyes widened and he pressed back against the wall when Thor moved closer, moved to push his entire body against Loki’s, front to front, his lips right by Loki’s ear.

He could feel his soft breathing brush past his ear and he clenched his hands, tried not to let it get to him.

Loki’s own breathing accelerated and his hands held Thor’s arms when the security men walked right into this room.

“It’s alright, Guppy” Thor breathed into his ear, making him shiver “just stay silent”

Loki did try. But he saw the light coming closer and closer as the two security men looked for them. His heart was pounding in his ears and yet, pressed so closely with him, Thor’s was perfectly fine.

It was easy, smooth, as though they were not about to be arrested for trespassing, that there was no danger around them.

The voices spoke again.

“We have to look elsewhere, man” one of the guards said “come on, no one comes here because of the bats”

Loki’s eyes widened but he didn’t make a sound and the guards’ footsteps began to recede.

The light slowly dimmed and the flashing red that was rather symbolic to Loki’s panic, left with them.

And Thor laughed.

The light turned on again and Loki found himself looking at him, seeing a cocky smile on his lips.

“God, you were scared”

He lowered his hand from his lips but he didn’t step away and Loki swallowed heavily.

“I was not” he said

“I could feel your heart” Thor said “It raced like the sea when you dive under as fast as you can”

He reached over and placed a hand over Loki’s still racing heart.

“See?”

“Well, I didn’t want to get caught” Loki moved his hand off “and what bats?”

Thor smirked and raised his flashlight up above.

Loki felt the color drain from his face when he saw thousands of bats up above them, sleeping.

“It’s why they didn’t turn on their siren” Thor smiled, seeing Loki’s face “Scared now?”

“No” Loki shook his head “But I think it’s best we get out of here, yes?”

“I don’t know, I rather like how we are” Thor chuckled

“What?” Loki asked dryly “near convicts surrounded by bats?”

Thor beamed “No, Guppy, all alone in a romantic little library”

“Your idea of romantic is insane” Loki moved away from him “Nothing can make this place romantic”

“Nothing, eh?” Thor asked, watching him “You sure about that”

“Yes, nothing” Loki made his way out

Thor grabbed his wrist

Loki turned in surprise and Thor yanked him into his arms, leaving him completely stunned when he turned off the light and kissed Loki, right there, full on his mouth.

Loki froze.

This was so different than Svadilfari’s kiss. It was dipped in passion, Loki felt it ignite something inside him, something that made him lower the hands he’d raised to push Thor back. It was desire, a primal desire to respond and take. He’d never felt this before, he’d never wanted more than at this moment.

Those soft, warm lips were pressed to his own, inviting, asking to be let in with a soft touch of his tongue. His arm was around him and he pulled felt the heat that radiated off it against his back.

Another soft, questing touch of Thor’s tongue and Loki was parting his lips to let him in.

Thor licked into his mouth and Loki’s eyes rolled back in his head, tilting it to better slot their lips together and he let out a soft, pleased moan. Their jaws opened and closer together, Thor’s thick arm tightened around his waist and pulled him harder against his unyielding, tight body and Loki hissed in pleasure.

Then Thor pulled back and Loki stared at him, blinking when he turned the light on again.

Then, being the shit he was, he pointed to the doorway, where the lights had appeared and vanished again, without Loki knowing it.

He parted his lips and Thor snickered

“Now we can leave”

Loki felt his knees were weak and he swallowed heavily before he nodded, unable to resist touching his tingling lips and forgetting that he was holding that old piece of paper in his hands, still.

***

It was nearing evening when they exited and Loki pretended he hadn’t just been sneaking around and that he hadn’t been kissed in the forbidden city.

Security questioned them and Thor told them they were here and unless the security could prove otherwise, they were innocent. His assured, calm manner was more than enough to get them out without anything above a warning and soon, Loki was once more holding onto Thor as they rode his bike back to the city.

Thor was warm and Loki pulled himself closer to him, trying not to think about that kiss.

It was short, a reason for Loki to stay silent, but it had been incredible.

In the past, whenever Svadilfari kissed him, he felt good, but nowhere near what he felt with Thor.

It was strong, it was a desire to have his large hands all over his body, pulling him towards his body, pushing it down on the bed as Thor got on top…

Loki shook his head and he swore he heard Thor laugh, a rumbling, gentle laugh that he would savor.

He ignored it, forcing himself to look at the landscape but unable to resist setting his cheek on Thor’s shoulder. He watched the dimming skies as they made their way back and closed his eyes a moment, savoring the feel of it.

He hadn’t thought he would have this much fun in this place. He hadn’t thought this place had potential. Honestly, he just wanted a quiet place where he could be alone and lick his wounds so he would not have to think about his failure as a husband.

But here was Thor, this gentle, sweet looking man who had helped him today and intended him helping him most of his time here.

He wanted to help him forget Svadilfari.

And honestly, Loki hadn’t thought about him much since they went exploring so he thought that it might be working. He liked the feeling of being in control of his own thoughts.

Granted, he felt bolder than he usually did, but who was noticing, really?

So he was surprised how quickly Thor got them back and he got off, blushing and smiling, as he handed him his helmet and studied him.

“Um…” Loki said “you should have a coffee. It will barely take a moment”

They were at their parking at their beach lot and he saw Thor look conflicted for a second as he glanced at him, then the landscape.

“Could I have a raincheck on that?” Thor asked

Loki frowned “A coffee raincheck?”

“Aye” Thor set his helmet aside “It’s just that I have something I need to get to and I can’t miss it”

“Oh”

Loki felt his face heat up and he stepped back

“No, no, I’m not saying no,” Thor said “I just have a thing that I really need to do. But after I’m done, I’m all yours, aye?”

“Sure” Loki said, retreating “I had a good day, thank you, Thor”

“Loki”

Loki didn’t stop, he stuck his hands in his pocket and walked off, almost shaking his head at himself for being so obvious and so stupid.

He felt embarrassment heat his face and kept on walking away

How would a man in Thor’s league honestly want someone like…

He gasped when a hand grabbed his arm and he was spun around to see Thor right behind him.

A second later, Loki felt his lips brush his own before he kissed him.

Hard

Properly, for the second time that day. His large hands cradled Loki’s face as he kissed him, his thumbs brushing just below his ears as he did so.

He suddenly became aware of everything. Of the heat of Thor’s body, the taut press of his muscles against his own body, the strength in his hands and the taste of the ocean on his lips. It was unreal, nearly fantastic and Loki’s eyes slid closed as they kissed. His breath hitched and he let out a soft, low moan, which caused Thor to shudder against him.

And deepen the kiss.

Loki’s knees went weak and he grasped onto Thor’s wrists, keeping his balance as well as keeping him close. He prolonged the kiss, moaning softly as his own hands went over his arms and around Thor’s neck, leaning into him as Thor nibbled on his lower lip, then kissed him, deeply once more, intoxicating, groaning softly and letting it flow over Loki. His tongue delved into Loki’s mouth and Loki sighed, cocked his head to the side to kiss him better.

He felt those large hands roam down his chest, over his sides and to his back where they moved to press him closer.

Then Thor moved one hand down his back and lower…lower…

Loki gasped as Thor cupped his rear and gave it a hard squeeze and excitement went all through his system, heating him up as he stood there, barely able to breathe. He arched up against Thor’s body moaning against his lips as he rubbed against that heated body before Thor pulled away from him and left him dazed.

“Like I said” Thor smiled, running his thumb over Loki’s lips “I’ll come back and you should let me in if you want what I do”

Loki swallowed thickly, no words left in his mind, nothing other than responding to another quick kiss, then a goodbye as Thor gave him a salute and left him standing there, weak at the knees and breathing heavier than he’d done a moment ago.

He didn’t know how he made it back without stumbling, but he did and the moment he was inside, he called Amora, trying not to sound too out of breath.

“Hey” Amora sang as she picked up “I was just heading home. What’s up?”

“Thor just kissed me”

“What?” she asked, grinning “Oh tell me everything”

“Mora, I … I’ve…” Loki said “I can’t explain it, I – I don’t know what to do and…”

“What do you mean you don’t know what to do?” she asked “ _Do him_. You know you want to”

“No, I hardly know the man and…” Loki broke off

If he slept with Thor he was surely leaving Svadilfari behind.

Or at least trying to.

He felt so _guilty_ , just at the thought of it, like he was cheating on Svadilfari even though they were not together.

He was giving him up.

Was he truly leaving him behind?

“And what?” Amora asked

“I don’t know” Loki breathed, running a hand through his hair “There’s something odd about him, I can’t put my finger on it”

“Then put something else on it” Amora smiled “Come on, Loki, go for it. You don’t get chances like these very often”

“I know, I know that but…” Loki sighed “It felt good, I will not lie but there’s just something holding me back”

“It’s loyalty, Loki” Amora told him “Loyalty to that scum. You’re a good man and you were a loyal husband but I really, really think it’s time for you to move on. It will be good for you”

“Sleep with a stranger?” Loki asked

“Get to know him” Amora said “it’s really easy. How many times have you met him?”

“Couple, but today I actually spent the day with him” Loki sighed “He told me he wants to hang out with me and help me move on”

“You told him about The Cunt?” Amora asked

“Don’t say that, it’s awful” Loki chided

“Well he is” Amora said

“No, he isn’t” Loki said “he’s acted badly, he knows it, he’s trying to make up for it. He’s never been cruel to me or evil. He made a mistake”

“A very big one” Amora sighed “you know you have to be really messed up in the head to cheat”

“I am aware of that” Loki said

“Then stop defending him and letting his feelings into your head” Amora told him “He wasn’t thinking of you when he slept with that woman, trust me”

“I’ve made mistakes, too” Loki played with his shirt “I hit him”

“One time” Amora told him “because you were angry and you apologized”

“It still stays with you, Amora” Loki shook his head “the feeling, the fact that I was the one who caused him that pain, all of it. Don’t condone my actions just because you’re my friend, you are supposed to tell me when I am wrong”

There was silence for a while from her, then she exhaled.

“You shouldn’t have punched him” she told him bluntly

Loki closed his eyes in pain but he didn’t say anything.

“It made him realize how low his value was with you” Amora told him “I know you don’t like talking about this and prefer that we take your side on it but – you shouldn’t have. He had a black eye and played it off, but you know exactly what it hurt inside him”

A single tear spilled down Loki’s cheek.

“I hate that he cheated on you” she said “but I also hate that I can’t talk to you about this except in short moments where you insist I tell you the truth so here it is. There is no excuse, no reason, to hit your spouse. I changes them and it changes you forever”

Loki pulled his lips inwards and swallowed heavily.

“And I know it hurts” Amora went on “and it likely will for a very long time, Loki. But you have got to move on. That guilt and attachment you feel to him and that relationship shouldn’t be there. Move on, leave what happened behind you. He’s forgiven you, you have to, as well”

Loki licked his lips “He hasn’t forgotten”

“He won’t” Amora told him “people don’t forget things like this, Loki.”

“We – We were okay after that, Amora, it …”

“You were not – you told me yourself you two were polite” she said “that is not a relationship. Loki, you’re trying to justify and change what happened in your head. Don’t do that. You want me to be honest, you have to be as well.”

Loki sighed “I …”

“It’s over, Loki” she said “I love you but it’s over. Move on”

Move on

Words so simple but the act itself was unimaginable.

Move on, as though his relationship was just a sign on a highway.

Move on, she said

Move on.

***

Loki couldn’t sleep that night.

He lay in his bed for a long time, unable to get a wink of sleep. His mind felt like it was on fire, he felt like he was falling deeper and deeper into a black, endless pit and it made him restless. It made him want to run and kick and race across an endless pathway. His muscles were coiled with tension as he tossed and turned in his bed in this agitated sort of despair that had taken a hold of him.

He had tried using his phone but nothing helped, nothing interested him and in the end, around three in the morning, Loki had enough.

He got out of bed and went to the kitchen, looking for the sleeping aids he had but the moment he picked up the bottle he realized he was out. They were gone.

He huffed and wondered that perhaps he could use this boundless energy he had to make a run to the pharmacy and get what he wanted. Nothing too strong, but he still had his prescription in case they made a fuss.

So, still in his slippers, Loki took his wallet and phone and walked out, locking his house as he made his way to the nearest pharmacy, wondering if anything was open at 3 a.m. He walked to the parking lot and stopped when he saw Thor’s bike there.

He cocked his head to the side, then looked to Thor’s house, which looked abandoned and empty.

How long had he been home?

Something crashed in the waves. And Loki turned to look.

It was far off, so far that if Loki hadn’t squinted, he wouldn’t have seen it.

The surface of the water broke at the horizon and something very big and very black lifted its head from the waters.

Loki thought it was a whale but it had a crown over its head, like the crests he’d seen on the heads of dragons in stories as a child.

Loki stared.

He rubbed his eyes and looked again but there was nothing, not a single thing that indicated that there was something there. Blinking and cursing his own over active mind and that girl who had told him about that sea serpent, Loki shoved his hands into the jacket he was wearing.

He froze.

Something crinkled in his pocket and Loki pulled out, seeing that he’d taken the paper from the library when Thor had kissed him.

Ah, shit.

He opened it up carefully under the streetlight he stood beneath and saw the marks scrawled over it.

Biting his lip and looking ahead to his path, then back behind him, Loki changed his mind and turned, going to pursue this instead. He was eager to spend his time here if it meant not waiting for a sleeping pill that might or might not be available.

Trekking back up the beach to his home, kicking up sand as he hurried.

His house suddenly seemed like it was miles away but Loki rushed back and inside, not even locking the door as he sat at his kitchen table to look at the paper.

It was browned with age and neglect but there was a scripture there that Loki could likely make out. So armed with a resolve and his hair dryer, Loki blew off the dust enough for it to be legible.

Then he copied the marks as best he could onto paper, but stopped when he saw something at the edge of the torn bit.

A drawing of coils.

Either of a snake or a lizard, he didn’t know, but he went to work and waited till the sun was out to get dressed. It was still dawn, everything was a light grey at the moment and the chill in the air was enough to make him dress warmly.

He took the paper, his own scribbles, then his phone and wallet. He jogged out, looking at the paper as he climbed down the stairs and turned the corner to rush towards his car.

The library opened at six so Loki decided to have some breakfast at a café, ordering his fresh eggs, toast and bacon, sitting by the window since he had the liberty of choosing his seating. The only people that came in at this hour were teachers and parents.

There were a few firemen and police, too, but no one else.

Loki thanked the waitress when she brought over his breakfast and set his papers on the table, which made the young women linger.

“Oh, what are you looking at?”

Loki turned to her, not minding her curiosity because he was in a good mood, then extended the paper to her.

“This?” Loki asked, “does it make sense?”

She took the scribbles and the original paper, frowning over it

“Oh” she said “are you going to the library with this?”

Loki nodded “Yes, actually. How did you know?”

“Lots of tourists go there” she told him “they have these fake pages littered on the grounds at the caverns. They’re all the same, you know. It’s an attraction – they even have security guards making sure no one gets in trouble when they are in there.”

And just like that, Loki’s mood deflated

“What?”

“Yeah” the girl said, digging into her pocket “Hold on”

She pulled out her phone and typed something on it before she sat on the chair beside him. He didn’t mind and the hour was casual so he was confident that even if her manager was there, he or she would let it slide.

“Look” she showed it to him “There is a myth of a sea serpent…”

“Yes, I know, Jor … something” Loki sighed “It’s all fake?”

“Sadly” she said “I’m sorry, but I’ve seen a lot of disappointed people walk around here and try to help as much as I can”

Loki looked at the papers again “So these are fake?”

“They dip it in tea and mud to make it look authentic” she said apologetically “it’s all for tourism. I mean the kingdom inside the mountains is real but no one really knows what happened to the people or anything. They like to make money off the fact that there is a mythical creature on the loose here”

“Oh” Loki said, disappointed

“I’m sorry” she said “I just didn’t like the thought of them wasting people’s times. Look”

She’d pulled up a news article on her phone exposing this trick and Loki sighed loudly.

“Well that’s awful”

“I know, I’m sorry, but if you Google Jormungandr, you can see the pictures people put up?” she tried “I mean it’s something”

Loki smiled at her “Thank you, dear. For helping me”

She smiled “No problem. I’ll be behind the counter if you need me”

Loki nodded to her and then looked back at the papers and let out a sigh. Like she’d suggested, he opened his phone and started to Google the serpent.

And sure enough, there was an article telling him about how this was a farce, then other articles that swore that they had seen the creature themselves.

There were images of the Loch Ness monster edited out to look like another serpent, Loki was about to close it, but stopped when he saw something entirely.

It was a picture, fuzzy, but clearly showing the crest that Loki had seen not two hours ago.

His mouth fell open and he stared at the blog, trying to see if it was still active.

It wasn’t but Loki saved the picture in his phone and read through the account, trying to see if it was real or not.

But that picture.

His mind didn’t know how to process the fact that there was someone else who’d seen what he had. The account talked about how he’d captured this picture and that authorities had told him to leave. They had tried taking his phone but he’d resisted.

Loki shook his head and tried to find more on the serpent itself but other than the fact that the blog stated that it was real and very much ancient, Loki didn’t find anything of use.

Still, he had the picture as he scrolled through his phone, having his breakfast as he did so. There was a whole group of people who were dedicated to this as well as a marine biologist who had backed up the theory that there was something lurking in these waters.

No one too famous, though.

He didn’t realize how quickly he’d finished his food till his fork scratched on the plate and he looked up and blinked at it.

His coffee was gone, too.

Loki picked up the plate to bring to the counter as the girl rushed over.

“I can do that!”

“No, need, dear” Loki smiled “I’m happy to.”

So, with a big tip and another cup of coffee, Loki made his way back into St Furjosa’s beach to wait for the day to get late enough that Thor would wake.

But as he neared his home and passed the people, the buildings and the parking lot and when he turned towards his house, he nearly dropped his coffee.

Thor sat, waiting, at his front steps, going through his phone.

The sunlight was coming up now and it hit him so wonderfully that Loki felt it scorch even him. It made his eyes shine when he looked at Loki, made that sexy little scar on his lip look more prominent, it made his hair glow.

Loki stared

And Thor grinned, making him weak in the knees as he pocketed his phone and stood, then made his way over to Loki.

“Morning, Guppy”

Loki blushed and managed to gain some coherence as he smiled at him “Good morning, I didn’t think you would be here this early”

Thor shrugged “I’m off my shift”

He reached over and tucked Loki’s hair behind his ear and Loki lowered his gaze, smiling a little self consciously.

“Then let me make us some breakfast, yes?” Loki walked ahead, “come along”

“Aye”

Thor was right behind him. So close that he could feel the heat his body gave off as he unlocked his kitchen door to walk in.

His heart was beating loudly and Loki pulled the screen door open then the wooden one and walked in.

And Thor went in right after.

“Alright” Loki turned to face him “What do you…?”

He broke off when he found Thor nearly face to face with him, making him look up a little so he could look into those mesmerizing eyes. There was just something bewitching about them, something that made his breath hitch in his throat.

His heart started to pound as though he was racing, his body suddenly became more aware of how they were pressed together and how Thor was all but taking every bit if air from the room because he couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t think and he definitely couldn’t move away – even if he had wanted to.

Thor had eclipsed every other sensation inside him, every thought was now behind Thor, because he was at the forefront of Loki’s thoughts.

He’d never felt like this before.

Not even with Svadilfari.

Thor made his entire being feel alive.

And it did, again, when Thor took his keys from him, set them on the table, then his coffee and wallet.

There was something about him, about his hands; from the texture of his skin to the heat and power they held, branding Loki to the pleasure and sensuality he had been so long without.

He slowly slid the scarf from Loki’s neck and Loki’s breathing accelerated as he felt exposed from the feel of that fabric leaving his skin. It caressed his skin as it left and its absence left him cold, wanting to have that spot covered because he felt oddly naked without it

He swallowed heavily

“I …”

Thor cupped his cheek and made Loki look at him before he bent his head and kissed him.

***

Loki’s eyes had fallen shut and he moaned softly when Thor’s warm lips made contact with his skin. They burned as they made contact, as he felt his breath touch his neck, making him shudder in pleasure it was a brand and he bit his lip to stifle the moan that rose from him.

He felt Thor’s hand run through his hair and tip his head back as the kisses became more heated, more demanding and Loki couldn’t help but run his hands over Thor’s thick arms. He felt the strength and muscles beneath his palm and Thor’s hands over him, in his hair, the other at the small of his back, pressing them closer.

His kisses moved to Loki’s shoulders, his hair…

Loki’s heart rate started to increase when Thor boldly slipped a hand under his shirt and he gasped at that rough hand sliding from his waist to his back … and then played with the waistband of his trousers.

The fingers in his hair shifted it to the side to access his neck better and it made him aware of Thor more so than before, aware of how he’d moved one knee between Loki’s thighs and how his hand moved the collar down so his lips could go lower.

“You’re wearing too much” Thor rumbled, his thumb stroked an arc at Loki’s hipbone beneath his clothes

Loki shivered and raised his eyes to him and found Thor so close he could make out the patterns drawn in his beautiful blue eyes. He swallowed thickly.

He nodded and saw Thor’s lips, the very ones pressed into his skin a moment ago, smile.

He felt his hands push the coat off his shoulders and Loki turned his head to the side, his face flushed.

Thor stepped closer and Loki’s breathing began to break when he pulled the coat off and dropped it over the kitchen table. His knees felt weak and he let Thot push him back, back against the kitchen wall as his hands pulled Loki’s shirt free from where it was tucked in.

“You’re so proper” Thor murmured as he nipped the top of his ear “Makes me want to wreck you”

The scenery around him, the room disappeared when Thor’s hands, both of them, skated over his skin, feeling every shiver and tremble Loki gave.

“You’re starved for a touch” Thor whispered as he ran his lips over his cheek “I can feel it, the way your skin quivers, begging me to touch it and mark it…”

Loki couldn’t breathe, his hands clenched at Thor’s sleeves and he shuddered as his buttons began to get undone by Thor’s fingers.

“How far do you want me to go?”

Loki gasped softly when he parted the front of his shirt and confidently stroked his chest.

“I – I don’t know”

Thor chuckled and moved the shirt off as well before he pulled him against his chest and kissed him again.

And he loved that Loki kissed him back. It was shy at first, little nervous kisses against his lips, but slowly he became bolder too, parting his lips to let Thor’s tongue lick into his mouth.

Loki moaned.

Thor’s entire body felt like it was on fire and he growled, his hands went to Loki’s thighs as he picked him up against him and walked towards the couch as he bit Loki’s neck. He felt him huff as Loki was laid down on it and saw him looking up at him eager and nervous.

Thor loved it

He lowered himself over him and kissed him again, felt those arms sneak around his shoulders and tug on his shirt. Thor allowed him to take it off, straddled Loki as he tossed it away, then bent to kiss him again. He cupped Loki’s jaw as they kissed and groaned when his hands went to his rear and gave him a squeeze.

Loki was enjoying himself.

The texture of the couch against his back, the feel of Thor’s strong body over his own made him shiver in delight.

He felt Loki touch his skin and slide his hands upwards to hook at his shoulders as he moaned under him. Thor’s lips trailed hot kisses down his neck, his chest and nipped at the sensitive spots he found.

And Loki had lots of those.

He moaned and writhed under him, lifting his hips up to seek friction. Thor obliged and rubbed the obvious tent in Loki’s trousers, making him moan as he stroked him over his clothes.

He bucked into his grip and Thor lowered his head to Loki’s chest, biting and licking at his sensitive, pale skin.

Loki’s breathing deepened, every rasp, every groan was pulled from a place that he hadn’t been in for so long. He turned his head to the side, his eyes closed, his brows slanted back in pleasure and Thor immediately started to bite his neck.

It felt incredible and the way Loki sunk his nails into Thor’s shoulders proved how touch starved he was.

Thor had done well.

He continued to stroke him over his pants, despite knowing Loki wanted more contact. He didn’t give it yet, he was going to lure him in, have him desperate for it before he gave in.

He kissed his skin, nipped on it, letting it bloom red and let out a soft chuckle

“Even if the oceans turned to ink and I was to put into words how stunning you are, it wouldn’t be enough” Thor whispered

Loki gasped and ran his hands up so he could grab that soft blonde hair.

“You’re a marvel” Thor whispered to him as he kept stroking him “its as though all the stars in the world concentrated to one place to shine over you. I’ve never seen anyone like you”

He increased the pressure he applied to his gentle kneading and his free hand came to brush Loki’s hair back so he could look at him.

His face was flushed and turned away, his cheeks heated with their pleasure, his eyes closed in bliss.

He looked absolutely gorgeous.

Thor couldn’t have enough.

He kneaded and stroked him, then, when Loki tensed he let him go and smiled at the protesting whine Loki gave as his hand lowered the back of his pants and cupped his rear. He squeezed one of his cheeks and Loki’c back arched, making Thor kiss him again as he continued. Loki’s own hands touched him everywhere, took in every ridge, every hollow of Thor’s body, his shy fingers tracing over his skin and Thor shivered, hard in his trousers and he kissed and caressed him back.

It was as though Loki’s touch set him on fire.

He hadn’t expected Loki’s slim hand to slip under the waistband of his own trousers and start to deliberately and carefully stroke him.

It made him gasp and Thor started to rut into his hand, feeling those cool, slim fingers wrap around him.

And God, if it wasn’t the hottest thing he’d ever felt.

“Don’t stop” Thor whispered against his skin “keep going”

Loki continued, feeling the slickness that his motions brought forth and felt Thor’s hand move to his erection, returning the pleasure.

He moaned, the sound low and pleasured and Thor kissed his lips, bucking into his hand as they continued. The air filled with the sounds of their pleasure as they stroked and kissed and caressed each other. Loki’s body shivered, Thor’s kisses and touches proved to be irresistible. He was attentive in ways Loki wouldn’t fathom. He touched him in spots Loki didn’t know he could be pleasured, he bit him, nuzzled him, kissed him all the while his hand stayed between his legs, slowly stroking and rubbing his length.

His fingertips grazed his fiery skin like matches, lighting up yet more desire in him where he wanted to hold him close, closer than he was already.

He lifted his hips and arched his back, his body trembled with need and above him, Thor was the same. His teeth sunk into Loki’s shoulder, his skin trembled under Loki’s touch and they, together, felt a release that turned their world white.

Loki whispered out Thor’s name, his eyes were closed, his touch reverent. He wanted Thor as much as Thor wanted him and he lay there, spent, in Thor’s arms, as the ocean breeze slowly seeped into the house and over their bodies.

***

They had showered and had another moment where Thor got on his knees and showed Loki pleasure and ecstasy with his tongue and lips. He’d pressed him against the wall of the shower and bit his neck, his chest, ran his hands all over his body and made him gasp under his attention.

Then later, he held him with such tenderness and such devotion that Loki didn’t think it was possible for him to be at the receiving end of it.

He didn’t think this was real despite the fact that Thor was in bed with him, lightly mouthing his shoulder and his throat – a body part he really seemed to like.

“How is it” Thor asked softly “That you’ve been without such passion pressed into your skin?”

Loki closed his eyes and smiled “Are you from this century? Or a lost poet trapped in our world?”

Thor arched a brow as Loki lay on his back so he could look at him

“I’ve never heard anyone talk the way you do, sometimes”

Loki reached over to touch his cheek, then slip his fingers into his hair, then down the shaved side, feeling the buzz prickle his fingertips. They were like needles, making him more aware, more alert of Thor’s beauty.

“You don’t look like you belong in our world, either, you know?”

Thor turned his head to kiss his wrist, grasping it gently as he touched him.

“Where do you think I am from, then?”

“A world of fairy tales and myth” Loki snickered, turning to face him

Thor’s arm snaked around his waist and he pulled him closer.

“It fits” Loki smiled “I feel dazed, as though this isn’t real, my mind is numb. Everything telling me to stop has been silenced”

Thor laughed softly “Why would you stop?”

Loki shrugged and lowered his hand to Thor’s collarbone, lightly stroking it with his fingers.

“Many reasons” he said, then exhaled “one reason”

“Your ex” Thor spoke

Loki nodded “I was not a kind man to him”

“He cheated on you – how could you have been unkind?” Thor kept his grip on Loki’s wrist soft and soothing.

“I made him” Loki confessed “I hit him and hurt him because of my own frustrations”

Thor frowned “Did you truly?”

Loki nodded again “I was in a bad headspace. Insecure, angry … stupid”

Thor began to brush his fingers over Loki’s arm, but he didn’t say anything.

“It wasn’t even that important”

“Tell me”

Loki raised his eyes to him, took a deep breath and nodded.

_It had been a stressful night already when Svadilfari walked in, exhausted and spent. Loki was sitting in the living room and stood to greet him._

_“Welcome home” Loki kissed his cheek “What happened? How was the interview?”_

_Svadilfari gave him a look, the same look he’d gotten as he’d failed to get every interview Loki set up for him._

_Loki clicked his tongue and exhaled “What happened?”_

_“They were impressed that I spoke English” Svadilfari set his bags and things on the stairs and went to the kitchen “I didn’t know that place was filled with racists”_

_Loki followed, knowing that Svadilfari tended to lash out when he was angry or disappointed. He saw him heat up some dinner for himself._

_“What did they ask you?” Loki asked_

_“I doesn’t matter, I’m never going to get a job” Svadilfari scoffed “You’ll be married to a burger flipper for the rest of your life.”_

_“You’re going to get it, dear” Loki leaned against the doorjamb “I will have a look at work. They have to have a job for you”_

_“Lifting heavy boxes, sure” Svadilfari said “I have a Journalism degree and they treat me like some third class human being, who is so under educated that they can’t hire him”_

_Loki went over and rubbed his back “I know. This is a brutal industry”_

_“You got a job there pretty easily, why can’t I?”_

_“You’re not me” Loki told him “Hey”_

_He turned his husband to him and looked him in the eyes “Work on the screenplay, you haven’t touched it in months. I know you have the potential”_

_The screenplay was a touchy issue. It reminded them of his things were good once, before Loki’s work and Svadilfari’s insecurity got between them. They used to work on it while Svadilfari wrote for journals and magazines and made a good enough living._

_It all changed when his boss fired him and hired someone younger. Things were still good but eventually the money ran out and Loki became the only one bringing in the money._

_It made Svadilfari think three, four times before he bought something because he hadn’t earned the money. And any gift Loki gave him, he felt as though it was charity._

_It wasn’t said, but it was felt._

_“I know” Svadilfari sighed “it’s just hard, you know”_

_“I know it is, darling” Loki stroked his cheek “now give us a kiss”_

_Svadilfari bent his head and took a kiss from Loki’s sweet lips, then smiled._

_“You have an opening at your office, too” Svadilfari joked “senior editor. You applied, right?”_

_Loki smiled “I did. I’m sure I will get it”_

_“I should apply, too” Svadilfari beamed “give you a run for the money, aye?”_

_He lowered his forehead to Loki’s and kissed his nose_

_“Go right ahead” Loki dared “winner buys the lower dinner”_

_“Isn’t that just perfect?” Svadilfari asked “I will buy it for you, then”_

_“Of course you will” Loki laughed_

_Svadilfari did apply, if nothing else, Loki felt it would lighten the mood and give them something to laugh about. They applied together, as one and Svadilfari supported Loki and made jokes about how they would be shocked he knew English, too._

_They were all snooty, he said._

_They were all pretentious._

_Loki took it all in good grace because he knew once he got that job he would make place for Svadilfari immediately, he told him that too._

_Svadilfari ended up getting that job._

_Loki didn’t._

_Svadilfari had cheered and yelled in joy, kissing Loki all over and telling him he was the best, most supportive husband in the world. He took him to dinner, lavished him in gifts…_

_..and Loki took what he could, still in a state of shock._

_Svadilfari did what he’d promised, what Loki had promised. He made a position for Loki where he put his talents to use by teaming up with real estate agencies to write for them. He published his work on his paper and with that, he earned a living for himself._

_It went well, he hid his disappointment behind self-degradation about how he was not supportive, about how he should be happy and not concentrate on the loss of a job he wanted. The one he’d always wanted, the one Svadilfari had applied for as a joke…_

_No, he told himself, do not let this get to you._

_But it did._

_It simmered beneath the surface making him resent Svadilfari sitting in his office, doing his job while he was given a pity profession and everyone knew._

_They all judged him, he could feel it and he started to feel himself losing his grip on his self control and rage that came with Svadilfari getting his job._

_His, it was his!_

_It took him months to get!_

_Every time someone congratulated Svadilfari, a part of Loki burnt to a crisp and died at the hands of the bitterness that rose like bile in his throat._

_He started leaving work early, he started avoiding looking at Svadilfari during work while Svadilfari was overjoyed at him being there._

_Loki started to eat lunch in his car, he started growling and hissing and hating himself for letting him apply, this was his fault._

_He burned from the inside out, envy ate at him daily, it ruined his mind!_

_And Svadilfari noticed._

_He didn’t say anything at first, he just noticed. Noticed how Loki would not look at him, noticed the anger in his jaw, in his eyes, noticed how he began to growl and hate the work he used to love._

_He stopped telling Svadilfari about his day, he hated that Svadilfari’s day was better and how his chest felt tighter and tighter to the point where it actually hurt every time he walked with him to the office. He knew what was wrong._

_So he waited one night, till they were sitting in the living room after dinner and told Loki he was going to resign._

_Loki stilled and looked at him, frowning_

_“What?” he asked “Why?”_

_“Because I value you over some job and I know it’s killing you inside” Svadilfari brushed his hair back_

_Loki’s brow furrowed; it always did nowadays._

_“I hate seeing you this way, Dove” Svadilfari said “it’s not right”_

_“You got that job, not me” Loki told him “I’m fine”_

_“You haven’t looked at me since I got it and it’s been three months, Loki” Svadilfari said “clearly, it was important to you. we can easily switch, I’m happy with whatever I am given at that office.”_

_“Meaning I am not happy with what I am given” Loki said bitterly “you didn’t even want this job, you applied as a joke”_

_“I know and I don’t know why they picked me” Svadilfari soothed him as he felt him tense to get up “our relationship means more to me, I will give it up”_

_“So you’re saying that I value this job more than our relationship?” Loki turned to look at him_

_His eyes were angry, nearly venomous as he glared at his husband, then surged to his feet, out of his grip. Svadilfari inhaled and looked at him, preparing himself for the fight ahead._

_There were a lot of them these days._

_“You didn’t even want this job” Loki paced, then turned back “and they gave it to you”_

_“I know, but if it bothered you so much why not say something, why let out relationship suffer?” Svadilfari asked_

_“Because…”_

_“Out of pity, aye?”_

_Loki stilled “What?”_

_“You didn’t say anything out of pity. Because I was beneath you, because I needed a helping hand and it made you happy to be the one who was there, helping me out.” Svadilfari stood, too “you liked it that way because the moment things changed and I got a job that you wanted, a position that you viewed as yours, you started to change, you became angry, aggressive, you became hateful”_

_“I did not become hateful!”_

_“You did” Svadilfari told him “you might not have hated me but you most definitely hated the fact that I had a job that dared to pay me more than you”_

_Loki gaped at him “Is that what you think?”_

_“It seems that way, certainly” Svadilfari said “You seem to like having me at a financial disadvantage”_

_“How dare you?” Loki whispered “I have been helping you for months! I wanted you to get a job”_

_“Just not this one” Svadilfari said “because it was ‘above’ me”_

_Loki hissed and turned away from him_

_“You know, I am not having this argument with you” he said “it’s ….”_

_“Too close to the truth” Svadilfari said “isn’t it?”_

_Loki grit his jaw and stopped at the doorway, his body tight._

_He closed his eyes and sighed_

_“Yes”_

_The word had fallen between them like the first of many, many swords and Svadilfari had stood there, silent, as Loki strode to his room and slammed the door closed._

Loki looked up at Thor and saw him staring down at him, his large hand cupped his cheek.

“Then what happened?” Thor asked

Loki sighed “Then I hit him”

“Why?” Thor asked

“He came up to confront me and told me I should get my head out of my ass” Loki said “and I punched him in the face. All that pent up rage, all that anger, it made me do it. I regretted it instantly but … that was it. That was what caused it – it was like a domino effect”

“That’s when you stopped feeling your own worth?” Thor asked

Loki shook his head “No, that came later. I did a few more things that drove him away”

Thor sighed softly “I’m so sorry, Guppy”

Loki shrugged “Well, it’s history, as they say, what will I do, you know?”

“Move on” Thor smiled “you can do that, aye?”

He kissed his lips and set his head down

“Now I am going to sleep” he said “you are more than welcome to join me”

Loki smiled softly and moved enough to let Thor place his head on Loki’s chest. Loki began to run his fingers down Thor’s back and let his mind begin to wander.

What the hell was he doing!?

He didn’t even know Thor and he was…

“Stop”

Loki blinked and looked at him “What?”

“Stop thinking” Thor told him “I can almost hear what is going through your head, you know”

Loki let out a soft, gentle laugh “You can’t control people’s thoughts”

“I can, too” Thor told him “I can make you think about what I want right now”

“Oh really?” Loki asked “And how?”

He blinked in surprise when Thor moved and hovered over him, looking into his eyes as he positioned himself directly over Loki.

Then, with Loki watching, he bent and licked a long, wet line up Loki’s throat, feeling the gasp Loki gave at the tip of his tongue.

He felt the hitch in Loki’s breath, the way his hands pulled at the sheets.

Then he nipped a path up Loki’s jaw to his lips which he once more claimed in a heated kiss.

Loki groaned and put his arms around Thor as they kissed and Thor set his weight on him, eager to once more, give Loki the pleasure he was clearly without.

It was incredible and though they spent most of the day in bed, neither of them slept. They explored each other with their hands and mouths, bit and kissed each other, clung to one another in deeply satisfying passion and pleasure.

Afterwards, once it became clear that they were sated and their hunger took them to the kitchen, both of them got working on a late lunch.

It was fun, intimate and Thor kissed Loki with every chance he got, he left marks on his neck, on his shoulders and smiled when, as they cooked, Loki got a voice call from Amora and he went to the lounge to take the call.

“Hey loser” Amora said

Loki rolled his eyes and kept the camera to the ceiling as he quickly wrapped a scarf around his neck before he faced her

“Hello, Mora”

He sat on a couch and gave her a dry glare

“God, you look sick” she said “are you ill?”

Loki rolled his eyes “No. how are you?”

“I’m fine” she said “Enjoying a day off, how about you?”

“Nothing exciting” Loki looked at Thor, then back to her “going sightseeing”

“Sightseeing?” she asked “isn’t that…”

Amora frowned and moved closer to her screen

“Is that a love bite?”

Loki’s eyes widened and he quickly moved the scarf up as she squealed

“You shagged him!”

“Amora!” Loki blushed

“Oh my God, tell me everything!” Amora said “what was he like, tell me all of it! Does he have any kinks? What does he like in bed? What _is_ he like in bed?”

Loki groaned in chagrin, more so when Thor came up behind him, setting his hands on either side of him at the backrest of his cough and smiling at Amora as Loki placed his hand over his face.

“Good afternoon”

Amora gaped “Oh bollocks”

The line went dead and Thor laughed, took the phone from Loki, who was hiding and kissed his cheek.

“So happy you talk about me” Thor said, pulling up the camera in Loki’s phone “Now let’s take a selfie for her”

He grinned and took the picture, the screen going white to act as a flash, then handed it back.

“Now I make lunch”

Loki groaned again and pulled up the picture he’d taken.

He was face palming – acceptable – and Thor…

Loki frowned

Thor’s eyes were reflecting the light back at the camera. The bright blue flash that Loki saw every now and then.

He pocketed the phone and decided against giving it to Amora.

He looked at Thor and wondered what he was hiding and why.

***

It was cold when he woke up.

It always was cold. The earth, the water lapping at his feet, signaling that he was on land, all of it was familiar but the cold – that was something he didn’t think he could get used to. Spending hours swimming and then wash up on shore where his limbs wouldn’t work properly and his back hurt with effort.

To add to that he had a long trip home with always left him in a terrible temper. Coming to a secluded part of the ocean was just part of the charm, he guessed.

Thor exhaled and lay on his back, panting heavily.

He watched the dawning skies move above him, grey for now, but soon they would change. They would turn gold and he would make his way back home.

And see Loki.

Ah yes, that man was one of a kind. Thor was sure that he would be the key to changing his life. He knew it.

The sadness in those eyes needed to change and that in turn would help Thor.

His body glistened with ocean water and Thor threw an arm over his head as he breathed in and out, to calm his heart and soothe his sore body.

He ended up dozing off from exhaustion and woke only when the sound of footsteps echoed into his dreams.

Thor opened his eyes and found himself looking at the grinning face of one of the worst people on the planet.

Thor huffed and rolled his eyes “What do you want, Sea Pig?”

Vidarr’s face turned into a scowl at that name “Do not call me that”

Thor scoffed and sat up, shaking his hair out “Why? It fits you doesn’t it, bottom dweller?”

Vidarr glared at him “I’m trying to help you, you know”

“Ah, you and help?” Thor got to his feet “And out of everyone, you help me? How quaint”

Vidarr exhaled “You can’t handle everything on your own and I am not saying that in a positive way, I’m saying you lack the intellect and strength to get through this. I know what your plan is”

“So you figured it out without help” Thor smiled, brushing sand off his large shoulders “Do you want a treat?”

He began to walk away and Vidarr grit his jaw.

“You know it won’t help to push me away, Jormungandr” he called “I am your guardian, sent by your father. It would be good if you actually listened to me”

Thor stilled.

His hands clenched and he closed his eyes in anger.

“Do _not_ call me that name” he rasped

“And why not?” Vidarr walked over “it fits you, doesn’t it, sea serpent?”

Thor spun around, rage evident on his face.

“I am not a sea serpent!” Thor snarled at him, his voice a guttural threat “Do not mock me, I have no patience for you”

“You shouldn’t have taken Loki to those caverns” Vidarr told him “you were playing a dangerous game”

“He likes that sort of thing” Thor sneered “he’s artistic in nature”

“And his heart is broken” Vidarr told him “you are going to destroy it with what you are planning, Thor”

“I am not” Thor told him “I like him and he likes me. I have no _plans_ with him”

“You lie” Vidarr said “you lie to me and to him.”

“And what?” Thor cooed “You want me to tell him the truth?”

“I am not saying that” Vidarr huffed, patience running thin “But it wouldn’t be wise to lead him on”

“I’m not” Thor told him firmly “I am an adult and so is he. I am merely having a bit of fun with him, nothing else. After this, he goes home and I stay here”

Vidarr clearly didn’t believe him and it looked it. His eyes were sad and he stood staring at his ward for a long time.

“This will only end badly” he said “my duty is to ensure you are on the right path and I cannot do that when you keep sabotaging yourself”

“And what, pray tell, is the right path?” Thor asked “hm?”

“You know what” Vidarr sighed “and deep in your heart you know you are going about it the wrong way. This will not help you or Loki in any way, Thor.”

“Then, O Great Guardian, since you know what I have to do, why don’t you tell me?” Thor asked viciously

There was silence from Vidarr and Thor sneered, laughing

“See?” he asked “you don’t want to help”

“I am bound by law not to tell you” Vidarr exhaled “I am to…”

“To watch me suffer, I know, I’ve seen enough of that the past fifteen years” Thor scoffed bitterly

“To guide you without giving you the answers” Vidarr insisted “and I am telling you, whatever you have with Loki is not the right way”

“I think it is” Thor told him “I think you’re trying to misguide me”

“It would defeat the purpose of my being here with you entirely” Vidarr exhaled, realizing he was getting nowhere with Thor

“Your purpose is well known by me” Thor told him as he began to walk away “don’t think you can fool me”

“I’m not trying to” Vidarr told him as he turned away too

Thor wouldn’t believe him so he kept on walking and left the young man to his own devices.

Thor was tired, his body was sore and he trudged up the beach, his hair filled with sand, his body in desperate need of a bath. He wanted nothing more than to fall into his bed and go to sleep.

And an hour later, as he stood under the shower, his gaze fell over his skin where it was pulled taut over his muscles because of his vigorous work out.

It was becoming harder to come back.

And Thor didn’t know how long he could take it, it hadn’t been this bad before. The water soothed him and he washed his hair, fixed what little needed to be fixed with his cut and then dried his hair, he tied some of it into a braid, leaving the rest free and fell into bed, completely nude. His eyes closed and Thor fell asleep, breathing deeply.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I come back after a two month break. WITH AN UPDATE! 
> 
> I have been going through a lot. I might have mentioned my migraines, which have been bothering me for a long time. Now I lose sight in my eye and it has been a challenge to write so for the moment I will keep updating this story.
> 
> Thank you all for the patience you have shown me
> 
> Stay safe


	5. Flashes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Blood smeared the side of the ship and poured down below at the surface of the water revealed the remains that were of the other one.  
> Sharks clung to the corpse, eating at it till they fell back into the water, blood cascaded from the opened wounds  
> And these people wanted more.

He woke when that body slid behind him, trying to be as silent as possible.

His lips curved into a smile when he felt those tapered fingers run gently through his hair, brushing it back for a moment, then kissing his temple.

His body was sore, it felt broken, but he still turned to pull Loki into his arms and smiled when the older man immediately started to stroke the shaved side of his head. He liked that, he liked the feeling of those soft finger tips brushing at that spot, then feel them go downwards till he stroked his cheek.

“Were you waiting for me to come home?” he smiled “Stalker”

Loki grinned and let his eyes go over Thor’s face, seeing the beauty that came with the youth he possessed.

“It’s possible”

Thor’s arm slid around Loki’s waist and Loki let one of his legs move up so he could prop it at Thor’s hip as they lay under the covers.

“You look tired”

Loki’s comment made Thor raise his brow

“And you are worried” Thor beamed “feeling anxious about your boy toy?”

He earned a rightfully delivered smack in the face and laughed softly

“You’re not my boy toy” Loki told him, sliding to get more comfortable “behave yourself”

“Yes, Daddy”

Another smack and Thor snorted

“You had to smack me on the ass, didn’t you?”

“You did just call me Daddy” Loki said, his eyes closed “I think it was deserved.”

Thor smiled and put his arm around him.

“You are about to fall asleep” he told Loki “and were worried about me being tired”

“Well, there was this barbarian that ruined me all day then vanished” Loki said “I could barely sleep”

Thor chuckled “I left at around five, I believe. You had twelve hours to sleep”

Loki shrugged as he yawned “I went out to have a few drinks with what’s his name…that lifeguard”

Thor stilled “Vidarr?”

“Yes, that one” Loki pulled him closer “now go to sleep, I might be tipsy”

Thor wrapped his arms tighter around Loki and almost cursed out loud.

Vidarr was sabotaging his plans. This was not good at all. That sea pig was becoming a problem and Thor had to deal with him.

“It was not fun” Loki said, eyes still closed “He’s frightfully boring. All he talks about is the beach”

That eased something inside Thor and he smirked a little

“Really?”

“Yes” Loki hummed “And about the dangers of jumping of the lifeguard’s chair”

Thor snickered “Well, it is dangerous. Did you know what if there is something in the sand below…”

“Below the chair, the life guard’s legs will probably break” Loki droned “Yes, he told me that ten thousand times, I am never going to jump off a lifeguard’s chair, why are you telling me this?”

Thor smiled and kissed his head, feeling a warmth in his chest that he hadn’t felt before.

“Then he proceeded to buy all my drinks” Loki told him “and talk about how sometimes civilians try to save people and end up drowning, too”

“Really?” Thor chuckled “He said ‘civilians’?”

“He did” Loki yawned again

Thor placed a hand on the back of his head and Loki let out a soft, contented little hum.

“Do you want to go out somewhere when we wake up?” Loki asked, his voice slurred with sleep

“Maybe” Thor said “do you have anything in mind?”

“Do you have museums here?”

“A few, yes” Thor told him “one is actually surprisingly good”

“We should go there”

“Alright, but we would have to hurry if we want to make it in time for your early bird dinner”

Thor laughed when the leg around his hips jammed its heel into the back of his thigh

“This is beating” Thor snickered “in my own house, you should be ashamed”

“House is rented, shut up, I have to sleep”

“Of course”

He began to scratch Loki’s back lightly and almost laughed when Loki squirmed, then began to relax, his snores indicating that he’d fallen asleep a few minutes later. Thor was content to stay there with Loki in his arms and a little while after, he was sleeping, too.

It left his mind free to give him dreams where everything was color and light, then changed drastically.

_The waters barely masked the shock he felt. His entire body hurt, the swimming was hard, painful against the waves he was in, the journey was long and seemingly endless and the sun was high up, burning his skin where it touched but he wasn’t stopping…_

_…he couldn’t._

_He could see that ship, the harpoons, the blood and gunk, he saw what they had done behind him and how they were coming._

_He felt those nets keep him above the surface, prevent him from running._

_He was scared, terrified and he didn’t dare look behind him because sliding against the side of the ship as it was pulled up, another like him was being taken aboard._

_Blood smeared the side of the ship and poured down below at the surface of the water revealed the remains that were of the other one._

_Sharks clung to the corpse, eating at it till they fell back into the water, blood cascaded from the opened wounds_

_And these people wanted more._

_They wanted to have more!_

_Another harpoon was thrown from the ship he dragged behind him, carrying his torment on his back because of the nets they’d thrown on him. He let out a shout when it pierced his skin and writhed, trying to break the net._

_He wasn’t as large, the curse was barely two years old, he couldn’t be that strong, he couldn’t!_

_Jormungandr shrieked as they started to fire at him, shouting at one another to kill him, to take him where their boss, their financier wanted them to take him._

_They brought out another harpoon_

_And Jormungandr screeched loudly before he gave in and dove under, the water washing away the blood, the bubbles muffling the sound of the ship and the screams of everyone on board as he pulled it under with him, trying not to look back as the carcass floating lower and lower into the darkness…_

_“Thor!”_

Thor gasped, fighting with the sheets that wrapped around him like that net, lost in a state of dream and reality, shaking, sweating in terror…

His mind felt like it was ablaze and drowning at the same time, smothered where it was, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think or move save for trying to escape and get away from the traps around him.

A pair of arms came around him and Thor froze when they pulled him into a tender, comforting hold against a heartbeat that it took him a moment to recognize wasn’t his.

“It’s alright” Loki breathed, holding him against his chest “You’re alright”

The embrace was strong in a way Thor had never known. It was as though Loki just holding him wasn’t enough, he wanted every ounce of it, every breath of the way Loki clasped him to his chest and Thor wrapped his arms around Loki’s waist before he knew it.

He felt safe.

After that memory, that horrifying nightmare, he felt safe.

Loki clicked his tongue softly and placed a kiss on Thor’s head, then rubbed his back.

“It was a dream” Loki told him “It’s alright, yes?”

He ran his fingers through his hair, gently touching his temple as though banishing the thoughts from his mind.

It was surprising that it truly worked, Thor felt the calmness seep from Loki’s fingers into his head and he started to relax.

The heavy breathing stopped, the fear clutching his throat stopped and all that was alive was him safe in Loki’s arms, being held the way he was.

He hadn’t been held this way in years.

Loki didn’t say much save for sweet nothings that calmed Thor in a way that truly amazed him. He hadn’t felt this protected in a long time.

His fingers idly played with Loki’s clothes and he felt the lulling movement of his fingers seep tranquility into him.

“You are safe” Loki told him, kissing his head “go back to sleep, darling”

The hand that wrapped around his shoulders pulled him closer so he could run his fingers through his hair again. The other hand rubbed circles on Thor’s back and Thor closed his eyes.

“Just breathe deep” Loki said “and sleep. I’m right here if you need me”

Thor didn’t think he could sleep after that but the feeling of those fingertips, the soothing voice, all of it helped him fall back under his sleep again.

And this time, his nightmare stayed away.

***

He smelled food the moment he stepped out of his bedroom.

He paused

That smell rarely, if ever, filled his home and even if it did, it was nothing more than ramen that he made for himself.

He almost balked at the thought of his cabinets being empty and Loki starting to wonder what the hell he was up to.

He nibbled on his lip, acting casual, as though near empty cabinets was just a normal for him.

He climbed downstairs and entered the kitchen to see Loki making lunch. He turned when Thor knocked on the door and gave him a smile

“Good afternoon”

Thor smirked “You know you’re acting like a Mommy, not a Daddy”

Loki snorted “Shut up and sit down”

Thor smiled, coming over to kiss his cheek before he went to help him set the table. It was a domesticity he hadn’t experienced before and he was rather happy with it.

“What did you make?”

“Well, since your kitchen is shockingly empty, I had to go get supplies from mine so I could cook you an actual meal instead of those plastic noodles you seem to be fond of” Loki told him, getting him some water “Here, drink. I made pesto pasta with sun dried tomatoes and asparagus, topped with cheese.”

Thor hummed “That’s vegetarian”

He lifted the lid of one of the two pots Loki was cooking in and raised his brow when he saw chicken

“That’s for the barbeque chicken salad for your carnivorous needs” Loki snickered “now like I said, shut up and sit down”

Thor obeyed, going to set the rest of the table before he pulled out two serving bowls which he set on the counter as they both got to putting their meal down on the table.

Thor even lit a few candles and though Loki rolled his eyes, he secretly enjoyed the feeling.

“This is delicious” Thor told him “where do you learn these from?”

Loki shrugged “You will be surprised how much cooking there is on television. I can go to any lifestyle channel and they are obsessed with food. Nothing else sells as good”

“You seem to love it” Thor told him “It’s really good, too”

Loki gave him a mock bow “Thank you, dear”

He didn’t mention the nightmare and Thor was glad he didn’t.

However, after they finished, Thor once more insisted on doing the dishes and Loki came with two wine glasses so they could turn on the television and watch something together.

“What happened to the museum?”

Loki shrugged at Thor’s question “It seemed easier to just stay in today. Besides, I do like this better”

Thor smiled and tipped his head to the side to kiss Loki’s cheek. He wrapped an arm around him and pulled him close. They had their wine and Loki leaned against him.

It was like an antidote, this closeness, for the both of them.

Loki hadn’t looked at his phone once.

Thor hadn’t thought of his nightmare or hated what he was.

It was a bonus, an unexpected surprise to being with the man who would help him.

He played with the hem of Loki’s shirt for a while before his fingers inched his shirt up till they crept over his skin.

Loki twitched but he didn’t stop him and Thor stroked the exposed skin feather light, with the tips of his fingers, skating over it, feeling the way it affected Loki.

Loki’s hand shook ever so slightly as his fingers became bolder, making patterns over his hipbone, spreading a little before coming together, leaving deliciously wonderful sensations in their wake. Loki took a sip and Thor’s fingers played with the rim of his soft pants, making it difficult for him to swallow.

He smirked, walking his fingers slowly, deliberately, to the front of Loki’s pants and Loki hissed, his eyes sliding closed as Thor brushed against his sex.

He turned his head slowly to open his eyes and look at Thor’s and found lust and longing within them.

They both wanted the same thing.

The wine glass was set aside and Thor pulled Loki into his arms, letting him straddle his lap as they were both kissing a moment later. His rough hands went over Loki’s arms and to his back, his head tipped up to kiss him properly and Thor groaned when Loki’s skated down his front.

He tasted divine and Loki let out a strangled, pleasured little noise in the back of his throat when Thor’s tongue touched his.

Thor growled and stood, holding him in his arms and ignoring the yelp he gave when his hands cupped his bottom to hold him to his front as he carried him upstairs.

His disgruntled muttering was ignored as Thor took him to his room and they tumbled into the bed, Thor immediately attacking his neck with large, open mouthed kisses that left both him and Loki panting heavily.

“God…” Loki hissed “Yes…”

Thor watched him for a second, watched the long column of his throat arched as he responded to his kisses and the thick black hair that flowed over the pillow case.

Thor fisted a hand in it and pulled his head back which made Loki moan and gasp, especially when Thor bit his neck just hard enough to leave a mark.

“You smell so good” Thor gasped “I can’t make what it is, but it attracts me so much”

His eyes glowed a pale blue, but Loki missed it, too caught up in his pleasure and trying to get Thor’s shirt off.

Thor obliged, tossing his garment aside before he lifted Loki’s shirt off, too. He lowered himself on the bed and kissed his belly, biting that hipbone he was running his fingers over a few minutes ago and Loki’s hands came to pull at his hair.

“Thor…”

He moved his mouth up, kissing all the way to his neck, his jaw and finally, his mouth. Loki’s arms wrapped around his shoulders and he groaned as he kissed him back, feeling Thor’s thick arousal against his thigh.

Loki was just as desperate and when Thor, in the midst of kissing, lowered his hand into Loki’s trousers and grazed the tip of his member with a thumb, he went taut.

“Thor…!”

Thor smiled, seeing him be given pleasure this way and taking every ounce of it

“Aye, I’m right here” Thor assured him “Just breathe…”

He wrapped his hand around Loki and started to stroke him, to give him pleasure and play with the sensations it brought out from the man beneath him

Loki’s voice broke into panting, his hands were at Thor’s shoulders, his nails dug in and scratched him, then fell to the bed to pull at the sheets as Thor bit his way down his chest, leaving angry marks in his wake.

Angry, passionate marks.

He could feel Loki’s slick coat his hand and he liked knowing he was responsible for this.

He was eager to be inside him but wanted this to last, too. He watched as Loki bucked his hips and then aided him by lowering his trousers off and away, leaving him completely naked.

And oh, what a sight it was.

Loki’s skin was softer than silk, marked easily. Thor saw the prints and patterns left by his teeth and hands earlier, he saw the way his skin glowed with perspiration in the wake of his attention to his body and he savored the look of it.

He moved his kisses lower, lower, feeling the trembling in his body increase when Loki realized what he was about. He moaned when Thor’s mouth took his member in, bit his lip and grabbed his blonde hair in a tight, merciless grip as his back bowed off the bed.

Thor looked at him, his eyes shining, reflecting the light, bright and flashing, then lowered his gaze and hollowed out his cheeks, running his tongue over Loki and feeling him sob and gasp on the bed.

He was starved for this

His need sent a wave of desire through Thor and he continued, feeling Loki grow tenser and more desperate as he reached his climax.

It was quick, something Loki was a little embarrassed about but Thor loved the feeling whether it was too fast or too slow.

He wanted this

He moved his lips off him and bit into his thigh, leaving a mark there, too then moved back up to kiss his cheek as Loki came, spreading his slick over them both before he lay there, eyes closed, panting for breath.

Thor moved over him and kissed his cheek, then brushed his hair back, watching the way his cheeks were flushed and how he came back down from his high.

His eyes turned to normal, the bent his head to kiss Loki’s temple

“Still alive?”

Loki laughed softly “Debatable”

Thor grinned and moved off, just enough to take his pants off before he started to kiss him again

Loki let out a whine, half protest, half eagerness, then wrapped his arms around him again to kiss him better. His hand went to the drawer where he kept lubricant for their use and he pulled it over

Loki snickered when Thor broke the kiss off and he started to bite his neck and shoulders when he tried to open it.

“I thought you wanted me to do this” Thor said

“When have I ever told you I don’t?” Loki smiled

He parted his legs eagerly when Thor prompted him to and hissed in pleasure when Thor slipped his fingers into him, moving them to open his channel for him.

“Oh, _Thor_ …” he moaned, biting his lip when his finger rubbed against that spot inside that made him curl his toes

Thor continued to do it, the sight of him so vulnerable and desperate had him feel like he couldn’t last, either.

He kissed Loki again, groaning when he felt his hand wrap in his golden mane and move him where he wanted him to be.

He curved his fingers inside him and Loki gasped.

Thor nuzzled his skin and pulled back enough to let Loki know he was ready.

Thor slid his hands up Loki’s arms till they twined with his and their fingers locked together.

And he pushed into him, hearing that hitch in Loki’s breath, the soft cry he gave, too. It was splendid.

Thor felt that tight, slick channel take him in and bit his lip to muffle his groan till he was fully inside Loki. Loki, who was panting, his eyes closed, his brows slanted back in pleasure, smiled softly.

“God…”

Thor laughed and lowered his head to Loki’s shoulder, waiting a few seconds before he kissed it and started to move.

Loki’s moans filled the room and he panted wetly against Thor’s ear, unable to do anything but feel Thor give him the pleasure he wanted. His body trembled and he bucked his hips, trying to get more from Thor.

And Thor gave him what he needed, he had him moaning and gasping, he sobbed in pleasure when Thor rubbed against that sweet spot inside him, when he bit his neck, when he kissed him and cooed at him for the entire time.

And when they came, Thor savored the feel, the tight clench of Loki’s body, the way his breath hitched as he did so and the cry that was so soft it was barely there.

His release was intense and he spilled into Loki’s pliant body before he fell on him, panting heavily as he lay over him, their hearts beating, their hands still held together.

***

Vidarr had been expecting this and he smiled when Thor walked over to him.

He was at one of his shifts at the bar, one of the lightest in terms of stress because there were very few day drinkers here.

“Ah, Odinson” Vidarr beamed “what do you need?”

Thor narrowed his eyes at him as he crossed his arms over the top of the counter and looked at him. Vidarr smirked when he saw the telling glow in his eyes and chuckled.

“Ah, I see what this is about”

“What the hell are you doing?” Thor hissed

“I’m working, as you can see” Vidarr wiped down the counter top and then got him a glass “How about a drink?”

Thor narrowed his eyes at him “I do not want your damn drink and you know exactly what I mean. What are you trying with Loki?”

Vidarr gave him an innocent look “Hm? I have no idea what you mean. We merely went out for drinks”

He poured himself a glass of clear, amber liquid and smiled

“You are trying to sabotage me” Thor rasped, his hands clenched on top of the counter

“Are you so insecure about your hold on him that you think a few drinks will sabotage your plan?” Vidarr asked

“That is not it” Thor hissed “You are trying to sway me onto whatever secret path you and my father have decided I should take”

“Maybe” Vidarr hummed “I am your guardian, after all. Do you not want me to help you?”

“If you wanted to help me you wouldn’t be sitting there, quietly, knowing what I have to do but refusing to tell me” Thor hissed

“Well, if I told you then what would be the point of all this?”

“The point” Thor growled, his eyes glowing in anger “is that you know what will release my family and myself from this curse and all you do is sit there and laugh, enjoying yourself over this. You’re a bastard”

“In the literal sense of the word, I am” Vidarr snickered “but so are you, if I recall correctly.”

Thor grit his jaw in frustration “You’re getting petty, Sea Pig. You forget who will rule over you the moment this curse breaks. You forget what will happen to disgusting little bottom dwellers like you”

He saw Vidarr jut his jaw to the side and satisfaction filled him.

“Stay away from Loki” Thor told him “or I will make you”

He picked up the drink and gulped it down before he set the glass down hard and walked out without paying for it.

The sun was bright at this point and he went to where his bike was, readied with the things Loki wanted him to get.

They were cooking together, so Thor got some of the ingredients Loki required, then some naughtier things that they would use afterwards.

Loki was starved for affection, Thor knew this and it was why he was so important to him. He would give him everything he needed and more.

Thor straddled and revved up the bike, put on his glasses and frowned when he saw an unfamiliar truck turn into a corner.

St Furjosa was a small place and he would have seen that vehicle around. Whoever drove it was a tourist.

Shrugging it off, Thor kicked the bike into action and turned about, heading home accompanied by the loud rev of the engine and the wind in his hair.

He wanted to take Loki out but the sun would be setting soon and he needed to get to the waters before that. He wasn’t about to risk having Loki get suspicious, more than he already was.

He knew Loki wondered where he went every night and he knew he’d likely gone to drinks with Vidarr because he wanted to see if Thor was around or not.

The man was smart and if taken into the belief that he was real, Loki would start a search for Jormungandr and then…well, Thor didn’t know what would happen, many people had seen him, but it would be good.

He saw the beach houses come close and he drove over, parking his bike, plucking up his shopping and then headed inside.

Loki was sprawled on the couch and was watching TV, but smiled when Thor came over

“Hey” Loki beamed, getting up “did you get everything”

“Everything you asked for and…” Thor dug into the paper bag and pulled out the selected things he’s got “ta da…”

Loki blushed brightly “Thor, you pervert”

He came over to look and stared as he lifted the packet from Thor’s hand

“Body chocolate?” he asked

He stared at the brown and red package, blushing as he went over the instructions.

“This…” Loki said “I can honestly say I have never done this before”

Thor laughed and kissed his temple before walking to the kitchen

“You should know, you will do a lot that you haven’t done before”

Loki bit his lip and looked at him “This…I…”

“Yes?” Thor smiled, coming over

He looped an arm around his waist and pulled the bag from his fingers.

“I’m going to pour this all over your body” Thor lowered his lips to Loki’s ear “and lick it off from the most intimate, secret part of you”

Loki shuddered and Thor pulled back to look at him, then kissed him possessively, hard and deep, till Loki moaned softly.

He pulled back, gave him a wink and went to place everything he’d brought in the right place while Loki still reeled from the kiss and the promise Thor gave him.

It was enough to leave his mind blank and Thor’s presence was like a drug to him, strong and confident enough to get the reaction he wanted from Loki every time.

He didn’t even remember walking backwards but suddenly Loki was pressed with his back against the wall as Thor hungrily bit and kissed down his neck. His arms went around Thor’s strong shoulders and he gasped when those hands started to pull at his clothes.

“Thor…” he breathed “The…dinner…”

“Forget it” Thor told him “I’d rather have you”

He pulled at Loki’s clothes, lowering his trousers just enough for him. He set the bag on the table closest and dug into it for the lubricant he’d bought.

He raised it in silent command to Loki and Loki opened it with his shaking hands, then poured it over two of Thor’s fingers, the anticipation that they would soon be inside him made his knees weak.

He gasped when Thor set him down and turned him around, pressed tightly to his back as Loki was all but crushed to the wall.

“Thor…!”

He’d never been handled like this and his mind was fuzzy and lightheaded at the thought of so much power being used to please him.

He moaned loudly, raked the wall with his nails till Thor’s hand came to rest over his and they twined their fingers together.

“Oh God…!” Loki moaned as Thor pushed into his body

He gasped, panting heavily as he was so completely filled by Thor and moaned at the pleasure he got when Thor rubbed against that sweet spot while kissing and biting his shoulder.

The generic pictures that hung on the wall beside them shook with every hard thrust Thor gave and the room was filled with their moaning, gasps and their cries as they sated each other.

Their fingers stayed tight together, even later, when they were in bed and Loki moaned into the pillows as Thor took him from behind, his heavy body curled over Loki’s as he pushed himself into Loki’s raised hips.

Bruises in the shape of Thor’s hands were at his hips while bite marks littered Loki’s neck and shoulders, some so red he would have to either wear a scarf or buy make up to hide them.

And yet …

Yet he loved so much everything Thor did as he gently stroked his thumb over Thor’s knuckles as his large hand covered his own in bed.

The headboard slammed against the wall because of their combined weight, they were desperate for one another, moaning and crying out each other’s names as they came, then fell on the bed, Loki trapped under Thor.

His delicious weight was a warmth Loki craved, he wanted it, he liked it. And he moved into his arms when Thor lay beside him. Feeling those thick arms come around him as he caught his breath.

He looked tired.

And Thor smiled as he raised a hand to cup his cheek and run his thumb over his high cheekbone.

“You look incredible”

Loki rolled his eyes “You’re a flatterer”

“No, I mean it” Thor told him “This…”

Loki tensed when he touched the hints of grey at his temples.

“I love this” he said “it makes such a contrast to your black hair”

Loki smiled and brushed his hair behind his ear, consequently nudging Thor’s hand away. He didn’t like his grey hair – it reminded him of his lack of accomplishments in life.

“That’s very sweet of you to say” Loki told him, looking up at him “But I have nothing on you”

Thor snorted “Trust me, Guppy, you have all of it and more”

He set his head down on the pillow beside him and closed his eyes. He felt Loki move his fingers over the stubble at his scalp and chuckled.

“You’re really fond of that, aren’t you?”

“I am” Loki’s voice, deep and relaxed, said “I’ve never seen anything like this”

Thor’s didn’t open his eyes but smiled when those fingers came to touch the scar at his lip.

“How did you get this?”

Thor smiled and moved enough to kiss his fingers

“I had a fight when I was younger” Thor said “I’ll tell you about it later”

Thor gave a yawn and Loki snickered

“You know, if you fall asleep, it would be the first time you’re staying here after sunset”

Thor laughed softly “Aye…”

A moment after, his brain came to life and his eyes flew open. He gasped and sat up, looking at the window and sure enough, he saw the sun lowering itself behind the waters.

“Fuck!”

Loki sat up, startled when he threw the blankets off and grabbed his pants

“What…What’s wrong?”

“My shift!” Thor gasped out the first lie he could think of “I have to go or I will get fired from the bar”

“But…”

Loki got up, too, but Thor was running, running, out of the house and downstairs

“Thor, wait a moment!” Loki called as he opened the front door and vaulted out.

Thor didn’t stop. He was so stupid, he was such an _idiot_!

He ran like the devil was at his heels and Loki went after, trying to get him to stop at least!

Thor could hear Loki call him but he didn’t turn as he ran towards the palm trees and plantation so Loki would lose him.

He heard Loki stop and ran faster and faster cursing himself for his stupidity, for forgetting this!

He didn’t have time to reach the damn lake and he took a detour, scaring a family as he ran through the shrubbery and trees they were having a bar be que by and run as fast as he could towards the water.

People started, but Thor felt that sick tingling at his back as he vaulted into the water, ignoring that everyone there saw him.

He didn’t care right now

He wadded into deeper water, took a breath and dove in.

The water silenced everything.

The only sound was the occasional cracking of bubbles around him as he went deeper and deeper.

The darkness followed and he groaned in pain, writhing under the water as pain broke over his entire body. His bones moved under his skin in a grotesque, mechanical, snake like movement and he screamed, bubbles escaped his lips in torment.

The pain sliced through him and he kicked and struggled under the water, sinking to the bottom as though tied down by cement. Scales covered his body, his eyes turned gold and he broke, transforming into the creature he was as he scrabbled at the sea sand, twisting and writhing. Letting it rise around him like fog and smoke as the curse took him over.

He grew bigger and bigger, the haze of sea sand turned larger and larger till it took up most of the territory he was in.

Sea creatures fled from it, the darkness covered him, no one saw and by the time the transformation ended and the sand settled back, the only proof of his existence was the flick of the large tail fin and the low moan of pain given by Jormungandr as he went deeper into the sea to suffer alone.

***

There were talks of an idiot leaping into the sea at the beach at the bar.

And Loki didn’t pay any attention to it. He wanted his strong drink, he wanted to pay and then he wanted to relax.

He wanted to forget the way Thor ran out and how he ran from Loki.

Because _if_ he thought about it then his mind began to wander and conjure up situations where he fears Thor was married or was in a committed relationship. His mind would make him think of scenarios where Thor was just using him and when his feelings became deeper and something resembling a proper relationship between them began to form, Thor would reveal his secret.

He would tell Loki that he wasn’t who Loki thought he was and Loki would be standing there, his eyes wide, faced with another failed relationship, taken down by adultery.

It seemed to be his life’s theme song somehow. If he wasn’t the cheater in a relationship, he was the one who was being used to cheat with.

And oh, what irony this would be for him.

Another bout of pain for the lonely, pathetic Loki.

He threw back his drink and asked for another, trying to dull these thoughts in his head with drinks. It was working, it was slow, but it was working.

The thumping music and the loud noises here drowned out those common sense voices in his head like his drink drowned out rationality.

Loki finished his fourth – fifth? - and raised his glass to the bartender, who nodded, tended to a few other patrons and then came over to give him another drink.

“And put it on my tab”

A smooth voice spoke over the music and Loki turned to see a sleekly dressed, attractive man slide into the seat behind him.

Loki raised a brow at him as he studied him a moment. His beautiful dark skin, hypnotizing brown eyes and a well groomed, beard that wouldn’t have worked with anyone, but it did with him. He had piercing brown eyes and a wicked smile behind his lips.

Not a bad man to look at.

However, at this point, Loki was unwilling to appreciate good looking men since they had caused him nothing but trouble.

“I am perfectly capable of buying my own drinks” Loki told him, deliberately setting money on the counter for the bartender to take

He picked up his drink and dismissed the handsome stranger next to him.

The man didn’t seem fazed. He sat beside Loki and ordered his own drink – it was a concoction so expensive even Loki raised his brow at it.

He was clearly showing off.

The stranger turned to him again and extended a hand

“I’m Kit”

Loki snorted “Kit? Really?”

Kit smirked “Well it is part of my name, if you let me buy you your next drink, I could tell you the rest”

Loki rolled his eyes and turned away “Not interested, _Kit_ ”

Kit smiled and sat back with his drink. There was silence for a while between them before he turned to Loki again

“What bothers you?” he asked

Loki shrugged “Life. Things. Take your pick, everything bothers me”

“Well, doesn’t that sit true for everyone?”

“It does, but I do not give a damn about the others” Loki said “currently I will drown my grief with this drink and possibly another, which I will buy myself”

Kit smiled again but didn’t seemed deterred. Silence fell between them as Kit had his expensive drink.

“How about I try to guess it?” he asked Loki after a while

“Oh, this would be interesting” Loki said, having another healthy sip of his drink

“If I do guess it” Kit told him “you will allow me to buy you a drink”

Loki thought about it – the stakes didn’t seem too high in his head. He shrugged

“Alright, guess”

“I would have to look into your eyes to guess it” Kit smiled

He waited expectantly and Loki humored him, turning to look at him. Kit was faced with the most stunning green eyes he’d ever seen.

And the saddest.

He was quiet, studying him for a while, then set his drink down softly.

“Your eyes are filled with doubt” he told Loki confidently “something happened today. Possibly only a few hours ago. Something you didn’t think about but damn yourself for not expecting. Your mind is racing as fast as your heart as you try to figure out what you will do with this incident. And it concerns a part of you that you didn’t want to expose to trust but you did and now you regret it”

Loki’s self assured smile faded to nothing and Kit gave him a slow, deliberate smile.

He knew he was right and Loki’s reaction told him so. He looked away, letting his hair fall over the side of his face as he turned to the bartender, his posture became defeated, his eyes were lowered and his lips pressed tightly together.

He didn’t say a word and Kit chuckled softly.

“Was I correct?”

Loki didn’t look to him as he replied “Scotch on the rocks. It will be my last drink”

“Of course”

Kit ordered the drink for him and leaned on the counter with both his elbows set on it. He studied Loki, who held his empty glass, running his thumbs over the rim of it.

His mind was likely working through whatever embarrassment he was facing.

His drink arrived with a click and when the bartender slid it to Loki, there was a card with Kit’s name and number written on it slipped under the glass.

“Malekith” Loki read “that…sounds very foreign”

“It is” Malekith smiled “Bottoms up”

Loki clinked his glass with his when Malekith extended it to him and down it in one go. Then he bid him farewell, slid off the stool and made his way out so he could go home and lick his wounds.

Malekith knew there were doubts planted in his head – all he needed was for them to grow further so that the Odinson would never succeed in his plan.

Even Malekith had to admit it was close, very close. He had to keep a watch on them and possibly, take Loki as far from Thor as possible.

Loki walked on, unaware, his hands pushed into his pockets, his gaze slightly blurry. He was sleepy and tired and he couldn’t help but make his way to the ocean, looking at the waves and the few people who were taking a swim in the freezing waters.

He sighed.

Where the hell could Thor have gone?

He wasn’t at the bar, he was not at the spots he mentioned in passing. It was like he’d just vanished.

Loki’s mind went from possibility to possibility as he stood there at the crest of the small slope that led into the dip that was the beach and then further into the ocean.

The waves scattered the light, much like Loki’s thoughts were at the moment – scattered and all over the place. The water looked black as it always did, but Loki knew it changed. It was like him, ever the same, but different every time.

He sighed and a cloud of mist escaped his lips, suddenly making him feel colder as he continued to stare at the waters.

One thing nagged at his head so much; Loki couldn’t get rid of it.

Thor was using him to have an affair.

Nothing else was making any sense in his head. He wasn’t working, he always vanished right after sunset, he never spent the night. He was here far too early.

He was happy, carefree when he was with Loki but then…

Then he never stayed at the house, his own house for long.

Nothing made sense to him, nothing

And his already cautious and hurt heart was beating rapidly in the pain that came from knowing he was likely tricked again.

Only this time, he was the one who was being used to cheat on someone.

It was humiliating.

Loki wanted to leave, he really did

But a part of him wanted to be wrong, a part of him wanted to be so damn wrong about this because he was happy with Thor. He was healing with him.

That unreasonably stupid part of him wanted to wait for Thor and talk to him and get him to tell him the truth. He wanted him to reassure him that this wasn’t what Loki feared it was and he wasn’t setting himself up for another heartbreak by not packing his things and moving.

Loki bit his lip, nibbling on it as he stared at the ocean again

He froze when he saw something in the distance once more.

His heart pounded as he saw that crown surface and before he knew it, Loki dug out his phone and opened his camera.

He zoomed on it and clicked the button, flashing the light as he took a picture.

By the time he lowered it, the crown was gone.

A couple of people stared but looked away almost immediately because a man taking pictures of the ocean wasn’t unusual.

And even if they had been staring, Loki didn’t care. He was looking through his phone again, pulling up the picture he’d just taken.

His heart stopped when he saw it.

He’d gotten it.

And the first thing he noted was a pair of blazing gold eyes reflecting the light of his camera back at him.

It had looked right at him.

Heart pounding, Loki stared at it

He was real

Jormungandr was _real_!

***

The way the sunlight peeked up through the trees was mesmerizing.

They seemed to rise from the ground and sail upwards into the trees and leaves around the lake, forming a stunning mosaic for him to enjoy as he sat there, having his drink.

This lake was in one of the most secluded part of St Furjosa.

Under the blue and pink of the dawning skies, it was filled with life. Amongst the chorus of the song birds and the dance of insects over the surface of the water, a family of ducks swam ahead. The mother thrust her beak into the water, looking for prey while her ducklings bobbed behind her in an organized line that followed her blindly.

They swam over the surface of the lake, going past the song birds and other creatures that lived in this densely wooded area of the city.

There was a trail far from here but no animals strayed close to it. And no human beings came into the woods for fear of getting lost.

So, it made sense that Thor, who was neither human nor animal sat there.

He had a few beers stuck in the large, oval stones that were at the shallow end of the lake he sat in and was drinking one while lounging on one of the boulders around there.

His blue eyes were shining with a mix of adrenaline and his own, secret, hidden nature as he looked at the craggy rock formation that protruded from the sides of the small water fall. How this place was undiscovered, he didn’t know.

He knew a few people came here but not enough for it to be desecrated by tourists and locals. Eventually, it would be but for now, Thor had his peace here

Of whatever he had instead of peace

He knew he had messed up

Badly.

He had to find a way to fix this mess.

The ducks kept swimming about and moved to the flat headed protruding rock a few feet away from the waterfall

As Thor watched, the mother duck went behind it and vanished with her babies

About ten minutes later, she showed up at the top of it, fifteen feet high, looked down and then took a dive into the water

Thor laughed as he had his beer and watched as one by one, the ducklings followed.

Their chirping filled the atmosphere and Thor watched as they repeated it a couple of times before they swam away, content with themselves.

It seemed that whatever problems they had were washed away and Thor sat there, wondering if the same would happen for him

If he jumped, would his problems vanish, too?

He had leapt from that exact spot many times.

The lake was deep, secluded and it connected to the ocean through a series of tunnels that hadn’t been seen by anyone other than him.

He loved this place

This place protected him.

He’d been using this spot to sneak into and out of the ocean for a very long time. This was like a second home to him, this place, where he could curl up when he was tired and no one would come to him.

It calmed him

Thor took one last sip of his drink and stood

His resolve on high, Thor walked over to the spot the ducks had gone to and climbed through the spaces between the mountain and rock to get to the top. He took off his shoes, his shirt and watch and looked down

He was going to fix this

And he knew how

Loki was going to talk to him and he would get what he wanted from him

Thor stepped back, took a running leap and splashed into the water

Bubbles became his world as he went under and he loved it, he loved the sound, the feel of them touching his face as they rose upwards as he went lower.

The way the rush of water felt and the high he felt because he was floating

He rarely went into the water when he was in his human form, but he liked it

Thor swam around till he needed to surface, then stepped out of the water and went to get his things. Shaking the water from his hair, he gathered his belongings, got a better attitude and made his way back to Loki

He had some false explaining to do

At Loki’s house, the atmosphere was subdued

Loki was talking quietly on his laptop, smiling every now and then

“You look good, Dove”

Another smile graced his lips

“Thank you” Loki said “you said that five times already”

Svadilfari smiled back at him through his screen

He was on his phone, his hair was disheveled from sleep and he had that rumble in his voice that he sported every morning upon waking.

It made Loki get shivers even now. He ran his hand through his hair and Loki had to look away

He’d loved doing that.

“What’s upset you?” Svadilfari asked “you look really down”

Loki looked back at him and sighed “You don’t want to know, you’re just saying that”

“Hey” Svadilfari frowned “come on, Loki, it’s me”

He’d stopped what he was doing to give Loki that intense look that made his knees go weak back in the day

“You can tell me anything” Svadilfari said “what happened?”

Loki bit his lip and reached behind him to undo his hair, which he’d tied up. He was agitated and Svadilfari saw it in the movement.

“Loki?”

Loki closed his eyes and exhaled “I…there’s this man…”

Svadilfari tensed “What did he do?”

Out of everything, he didn’t expect him to be angry and protective and because he was, it sent a surge of something ssweet through Loki

Irrational, but still.

“Nothing, I was stupid” Loki told him “he didn’t hurt me, but…we got involved and I think he might be cheating on someone with me”

Svadilfari’s frown cleared and his face turned sad as he stared at him through his laptop screen.

“How – Was it serious?”

Loki shook his head “I don’t know – I liked him. It feels like a betrayal”

“I can understand” Svadilfari said “I’m sorry. I’m sorry your vacation is ruined”

Loki shrugged “I just want to stop feeling like an idiot. Just once, I want things to not end with me wanting to strangle myself. I shouldn’t have let my guard down”

“You couldn’t have known” Svadilfari told him

“Could have known it was too good to be true” Loki said “He was actually perfect in a lot of ways.”

“What makes you think he’s with someone else?” Svadilfari asked

“Little things. He never stays after sunset, he hurries home, doesn’t call or text till next morning, it’s odd.” Loki said “besides, it’s me we are talking about – of course something is wrong”

Svadilfari studied him through his phone

“Loki…”

“I have to go” Loki cut him off “sorry.”

He didn’t say goodbye, he didn’t say anything else, he cut the call, closed his laptop and rubbed his eyes

God, he felt so damn stupid.

He didn’t know what was going on with Thor and he wanted to – he wanted to know what that man was thinking and what he was doing.

He didn’t care about their future right now, he wanted to know if he was wasting his time on something that was probably a lie.

Svadilfari sent him two messages telling him that he was there if he wanted to talk to him but Loki didn’t reply. He stood and went to make himself some tea so that he would just stop thinking about this nonsense.

He set the kettle on the stove and picked up his phone again to go through the pictures.

He saw the one of that serpent again and stared at it

This couldn’t be real – it just couldn’t

But if it was…

If it was, Loki was stepping into something he didn’t even know how to deal with – it was going to be huge!

He bit his lip and thought about sending it to Amora or at least his boss so they could see it, too

If this was a story, then this was his way out of the job he was in and a chance to get away from this stagnant sort of life he was in. He could finally get out of it.

He didn’t know how long he stared at that picture getting more and more ideas for his future but soon the kettle let out a whistle and he poured himself a nice cup of tea to have

He was taking it to the table when the knock came to his door

He knew who it was

He didn’t need to look

“Loki?” Thor called

He saw a hint of wariness in his voice and he knew Thor was agonizing over what happened just like he was.

So he made him wait

He waited till he knocked, then called his phone

He ignored the call, poured himself his tea then went to open the door and look at him

Thor opened and closed his mouth a few times and damn if that look in his eyes didn’t make Loki’s knees go weak.

“I can explain”

He reached to Loki but Loki stepped back and blocked the entrance to his house

“Explain first” Loki told him “ _Now_ ”

Thor bit his lip and struggled to say what he wanted. He bit his lip and sighed

“I …”

“Are you using me to cheat on someone?” Loki asked abruptly

Thor looked at him, stunned “What? No, of course not”

“Let me see your phone”

The demand was ludicrous, Loki knew, Thor would never hand it to him, but he wanted to see what he would do in this situation. He was, after all, lying about something big.

However, Thor exhaled and pulled his phone from his pocket and handed it to Loki

Loki took it, hiding his surprise, and went through his contacts.

In total, Thor had five people on his list, including Loki and that made him frown

“What the hell is this?” he asked “Why do you have five contacts?”

Conspiracy theories ran amok in Loki’s head, Thor could see it behind his eyes – a thousand and one questions and answers that he came up all by himself.

“I don’t know people” Thor told him “and I don’t really have much family. The family I do have does not speak to me, so why bother?”

Loki didn’t reply, he looked through text messages, calls, everything, but he didn’t have many. It was like Thor was just there, a being for him to have if he wanted.

No attachments, nothing. Thor was just there.

He looked suspicious, still, then looked at the blonde

“Where did you go last night?” he asked, handing him his phone back

“I had a thing” Thor said “not meeting with a boyfriend or anything, no, just…something”

Loki gave him a dry look “That explains so much”

The sarcasm was almost poisonous and Thor nearly winced

“Loki, it’s better if you don’t know” he said “I’m in trouble with someone and he wants me at the certain place, at a certain time, doing stuff for his benefit, alright? That’s all I can tell you”

Out of everything, Loki did not expect that and he stared at him, his brow furrowed

“What kind of trouble?” he asked “do you owe someone money?”

That was the first thing that came to his head and to Thor it was like the life line he needed. He nodded his head and exhaled

“A lot of it” Thor said “and I have to do as he says because with the job I have I can’t pay him back so…I work for him”

He nibbled on his lip watched Loki study him, searching his story for lies.

And oh, if he found how many there were, he wouldn’t ever trust Thor again

“I know it sounds…”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Loki cut him off, arms crossed, less than impressed “Hm?”

Thor looked at his eyes, then shrugged “It’s not worth mentioning. It’s not your burden to bear”

“You still could have, Thor” Loki said “it would have explained so much”

“Perhaps” Thor said “or it would have driven you away – who would want to be with someone with as much trouble as I am?”

“I could ask the same, Thor” Loki grimaced “I am technically married”

“Well, very technically” Thor said

There was an awkward few seconds, before Thor saw Loki visibly relax and then smile at him. It was truly like the sun rose for him again and he beamed

“Am I forgiven?”

“Yes, you are”

“Aye, success!”

Thor grabbed Loki’s face and kissed him on the cheek, slipping into the house and leaving him behind, blushing.

Loki touched his cheek and turned to look at him, seeing him go to his kitchen and start digging through his fridge

He liked the familiarity Thor had and silently closed the door as his mind thought about how he could help Thor get out of this situation.

He went to keep him company and picked up his phone.

“Oh,” he said “I have to show you something”

Thor, who was pulling out a bottle of juice, turned when Loki gave his phone to him

“Look” he said “I caught that yesterday”

Thor’s heart stopped when he saw _himself_ in that phone screen.

He knew it

He knew someone had taken a picture of him, he’d seen a flash at night, in the distance, on the horizon.

It never occurred to him that that _someone_ had been Loki.

“Isn’t it incredible?” Loki asked

Thor took the phone and tried to think of how best to act

He did it on impulse and made himself frown as he thumbed through the options and deleted it, opening instead their picture, where Loki had his face covered and Thor was beaming.

“Um…it’s us?”

Confusion ran across Loki’s face and he showed the picture to Loki

“This is what you were showing me?”

Loki shook his head and tried to swipe ahead. Chagrin and a mild panic went through his features as he snatched the phone from Thor

“No, it was right here”

Thor waited patiently, the perfect pretense, as Loki cussed and tried to find the deleted photo.

He wouldn’t be able to

Thor wouldn’t allow it

Any evidence he had was carefully manufactured by coincidence

There was no way he was going to let Loki know that Jormungandr was real nor was he going to tell him that he was the serpent that everyone here talked about.

And he most definitely wasn’t letting Loki anywhere near the truth of what he was planning and what would happen once he succeeded


	6. Betrayed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He felt freedom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN UPDATE!? SHOCKING.
> 
> Well, for those who do not know, I have been having some severely crippling occular migraines which lead to me losing sight in one, then both eyes, for an hour or more. Imagine placing your hand in front of your eye and looking behind it at something. It sucks, but with my new medication, I am getting back in the game and SOOON I WILL UPDATE ALL MY STORIES MOREE
> 
> I know I have Scandal and Vagrant Knight to get to, this one just spoke to me for some reason - I will finish them all, I promise and apologize for the delay in posting and replying.
> 
> Hopefully soon, I will prove to be better since this two year garbage fest is finally leaving my head

_I fell into your lie eternal_  
_I'm here, I'm now, survived - I fell into your love_  
_I fell into your lie_

The sunlight came to his bedroom with the gentle footsteps of his lover.

His lips curved into a smile and he turned when he felt him slide against him and saw that sexy little scar on his lip, that blonde hair, the shaved part at the side.

He raised a hand and ran his fingers over the prickly hair that was growing there and his expression softened

“I’m glad you’re here”

Thor bent to kiss his cheek

“I can see that” he said, laying next to him “scoot”

Loki did and wrapped his arms around Thor when he set his head on his chest and wrapped his thick arms around him.

“You always smell like the sea, do you know that?” Loki asked, running his fingers through his hair

“It’s because I’m a salty bitch”

Loki snorted, then laughed “You’re an idiot”

“I might be”

He yawned emphatically and Loki closed his eyes

“Sleep, idiot” he hummed “I’m tired, too”

“From what, all you did was lay there like the beer drinking old man you are”

Thor hissed when Loki twisted his ear

“Loki!”

“You deserve that” Loki told him “now hush and sleep. We have a big day tomorrow”

“We do?”

Loki nodded sleepily “Mhmm…I’m going back day after, we need to do a lot before then”

Thor felt something cold coil in his stomach and looked at him

“You …You’re going back?”

“I have to” Loki said “work starts soon and I need to prepare”

He smiled at him

“You didn’t think I could stay here forever, did you?”

The look of disappointment in Thor’s face told him he did.

Those big blue eyes were looking at him even as he slowly sat up to look at Loki, trying to see if this was a joke or not

“You’re leaving?”

Loki’s next smile was slightly sadder and he reached up to cup his cheek and brush his hair back

“I have to” he said “I have a life in London, a job…”

Thor placed a hand over Loki’s and held it lightly

“Stay” he whispered “you can get a job here, you don’t even like working there”

A tough pain filled Loki’s chest as he saw Thor turn his head to kiss his palm

“Thor, I ….”

“Please” Thor stroked along his arm “you’re happy here, don’t go back there. Don’t go back where all those cruel memories are waiting for you”

He moved closer, leaning beside him to kiss his cheek

“You told me yourself how you longed to leave it behind” Thor told him “do it. You’ve got the chance, I will find you something here, I swear I will”

He nuzzled his throat and Loki closed his eyes.

“I …”

“Please” Thor said “think about it”

He pulled back and looked at him again as he levered himself on his elbows beside him, his hair fell over one side of his face and from the window, the sunlight lit it up as though it was on fire. It was beautiful, Loki could see the sunlight shining through it.

“Imagine writing about and promoting this historical place, imagine exploring the palace I showed you” Thor smiled lightly “Imagine writing so creatively you boost the tourism here singlehandedly”

Loki laughed softly “Darling, I …It sounds so lovely, I will agree to that but…”

“Just think about it”

Thor took his hand and brought it to his lips to kiss his knuckles

“Think about being away from the pain and starting a new life.” He said “it is frightening, I will not lie, but it will be worth it when you can move on”

“Well, that’s true” Loki played with Thor’s fingers, watching them as he spoke “but I still have to get divorced first, you know”

Thor bent his head to nibble on the side of his finger, then kiss it

“I will wait here for you” Thor said “find us a small little place that we can share, see each other a lot less because I can get smothering as hell”

Loki laughed again “Idiot”

“Aye, you can call me that, too!”

Loki pulled his lips inwards as he studied him “Thor, you’re so sweet”

“I might be” Thor said “Or I might be doing this because you have a killer ass and I can’t get enough of it”

“Stop…!”

Loki shoved him back and turned to his side, accompanied by the sound of Thor’s laughter.

“Too early for this”

Thor’s arm slid around his waist from behind and his lips nuzzled Loki’s nape

“Stay” Thor whispered “I need you here”

Loki placed his hand over Thor’s and closed his eyes

“Sleep, darling” Loki said “the new day is breaking already”

A kiss to his temple and Loki’s body relaxed in Thor’s grip a few minutes later as he dozed off to sleep.

***

The day Loki had to leave was heart breaking for the both of them, it seemed.

Thor held his hands in his own and kissed them over and over, wanting him to stay

“Please” Thor said “one more day, you can do that”

He’d cupped Loki’s face in his hands and kissed his lips

“I’m sorry” Loki told him, smiling as Thor ran his thumb across his cheek “I wish I could, I really do”

He rubbed Thor’s hands, too, not wanting to get on the plane

“You should come with me” Loki said “you can see London and experience it fully”

“I’d love to” Thor kissed his temple “but I need to take care of things here”

Their arms went around each other and they stayed as close as possible till the final boarding call sounded for Loki.

“I have to go” Loki stepped back, stopping when Thor kept a hold of his hands “I really do”

Thor followed him, giving him a sad smile

“One more day”

“I’m so sorry” Loki felt his eyes prickle with tears “come here”

He pulled him closer for another kiss and wrapped his arms around his neck. He held onto him tightly and his eyes closed.

Thor’s however, were focused to a man behind them, leaning against a pillar. He wore a blue suit, had short, neat blonde hair, a well trimmed beard and blue eyes looking directly at him.

He was well built, muscled and the attention of more than one young lady at the airport, who clearly wanted to talk to him.

He watched Thor as Thor bid Loki a final goodbye, one last kiss, one last promise, and then Loki was leaving.

Thor stood with his hands in his pockets, watching Loki walk away till he couldn’t anymore, grinning and smiling as Loki waved at him till he turned to go to his gate and leave for London.

His grin stayed on his lips till the edge of Loki’s bag vanished and then it vanished. His face became stern, hard, angry as he turned his attention to the stranger who was pushing himself off the wall.

Stranger he might as well be to Thor, since he hadn’t seen him in good circumstances in years.

The man who was watching them was called Haldor.

He smiled brightly as he walked over to Thor but his eyes were cold. He strolled casually over to Thor and stood just as tall as he was.

But where Thor was laid back in his clothing and more casual, Haldor was hard, cold and strict. From his dressing to his manner, he was the exact opposite of Thor even though they looked very much alike.

“Brother” Haldor clipped

“Hey, Hal” Thor grinned, false and irritating “haven’t seen you in a while”

“I am aware” Haldor said “unpleasant occasion, as always, but necessary. Father wishes to know how far along you are in your return. Asgard has been without a King long enough”

“Well, that’s not technically true, is it?” Thor gave him a wolfish smile “you’re sitting on the throne, are you not? Took it the moment I vanished”

“You were an exiled bastard” Haldor said “and then you made everything worse. You cost us something great so, if I were you, which I am not, thank the seas, I would be _very_ careful about how arrogant I come across”

Thor’s jaw grit at the reminder of what he’d done, of what he had cost his family.

“Tell him I am almost to it” Thor grit out “you saw that man yourself, didn’t you?”

“I did” Haldor said “and he is without attachments?”

“He is” Thor assured him “no family, no husband, one friend, I believe. He’s perfect, so you don’t have to worry”

“I believe where you are concerned, worrying is part of the entire scenario” Haldor told him bluntly “do what you need to with him and return home. Father is getting impatient. And where is Vidarr?”

“The sea pig?” Thor shrugged “No idea. I do not care for the spies you’ve sent to me.”

“He is your guide” Haldor told him “listen to him”

“He is anything but a guide. He’s a fool and if you were smart, you would take him away from here” Thor said

“Does he irritate you?” Haldor asked

“Aye, extremely”

“Then he stays” Haldor beamed

Thor clenched his hands in his pocket.

He’d never had a good relationship with Haldor, not since they were children. He had a good one with his sister, Hela, before things went awry and their family broke apart.

He watched Haldor turn to go and he couldn’t resist asking

“How is Mother?” Thor asked

Haldor stopped. He looked straight ahead for a second, then exhaled and looked over his shoulder at Thor

“Severely disappointed”

Thor felt a stab in his stomach at hearing that and Haldor knew it. He knew what it did to Thor and didn’t hesitate in using it against him.

He walked off, the clicking of his expensive shoes the only sound in the air as he made his way back to where he came from and left Thor alone at the airport.

It left Thor in a terrible mood and he stormed back to his taken home.

He wanted the sun to set already and get this damn transformation over with. He hated it, he hated the wait for it.

At least when Loki was here, time passed easily for him but he wasn’t here anymore and all Thor had was his anger.

He longed to break something but in a world where he owned nothing, he couldn’t even do that. So, Thor exhaled angrily, then walked out of the house again and towards the waters.

He was going to swim the rage off as he waited to turn back into the monster he was in the eyes of his family.

It was a blessing that the water was freezing. He didn’t care if he got hypothermia or whatever these humans were afraid of.

He’d welcome it at this point.

He dove under and went deeper and deeper, feeling the caress of the waters all over his body and spirit.

This was where he belonged and it was ruined by him turning into that sea monster.

Many times, he’d longed to just swim out into the own waters but there was always something stopping him, always something holding him back.

He knew what it was but he refused to name it as guilt.

Guilt at what he’d done, what he’d cost and who he’d lost. Guilt at how stupid he was and how everything Haldor had said was _right_.

He _had_ acted rashly and he _had_ cost his family something big.

Someone big.

The images of blood and water mixing together, of that serpent being dragged up to that ship, likely dissected and preserved came to his head and he shook it, desperate to get rid of the pain he felt along with his anger.

He was the one who was to blame, no one else.

He knew it.

He went to the bottom and swam with the few fish and other creatures he saw, hoping to find a way to finish his pain.

The gold and amber of the afternoon was still above him at the surface. It seemed that the quicker this time came with Loki, the longer it was taking without him.

Thor knew no one here, he made no attachments.

There was no reason to.

And to be honest, in his head, he was only using Loki, he was only getting him to give him what he wanted, nothing else.

And yet…

…yet there was this sting in his chest, the feeling of emptiness in his arms at the thought of not sliding into bed with him.

Loki was fantastic, if Thor listened to his heart.

He was funny and sweet and caring. He was beautiful inside and out. Perhaps in another life, Thor would have been honest with him but he couldn’t be.

Not when so much was at stake.

He went to pick up and examine a few rocks, smiling a bit when he saw sea creatures scurrying to get away from him.

Little buggers had no idea that he was one of them.

Thor swam forward, going into deeper waters, past the point where the coast guard prohibited boats and swimmers to go.

He saw a few daring ones lurking close to the border and thought about messing with them, but decided against it because in his current state of mind, he was more likely to drown them than anything.

Psychotic, he knew, but he was part animal, such thoughts were in his head more than he would like them to be.

Thor kept swimming until he reached the dark waters and then slowed to a stop.

Silence enveloped him

Not even his own heart was heard at this point in the sea.

He felt freedom

No family, no connections, nothing but the silence and the dark around him. He let his body go and floated calmly where he had stopped, his eyes closed.

What light there was, came from above and glimmered over him, making his hair glow and his body get painted by flashes and shades it cast.

His face was tranquil, serene, and his body loose and free.

Here, he felt calmness.

There was no sound and slowly, he let himself sink deeper and deeper into the water, going to the blackness below him, his arms raised above his head automatically at his descent.

The dimming light from the skies lit him up and the setting sun cast rays of orange into the sea, broken by the movements of the waves.

And when the last of them vanished, the sea turned dark.

A heavy growl erupted from below and then a huge, serpentine body burst from the seas to the surface, howling as it broke clean through and flew upwards.

Two huge crests at the side of his head, long, silver, and a body made from tough blue scales was lit up by the stars and moon. Water cascaded off the creature as it breached the seas and threw its head back, his huge mouth parted to reveal the lethal fangs within.

A shriek of rage and anger filled the air before Jormungandr fell back into the water, splashing huge waves into the open, empty sea before he dove back again.

Sea creatures ran from him, spreading off to the side as he swung his large body and swam through them, into the deep.

There was no reason for him to surface, not until Loki returned.

No reason for him to listen to his brother or father.

No reason for him to have hope.

Not till Loki returned.

And then Thor would get what he wanted.

***

His landing seemed anticlimactic.

He didn’t know what he’d expected, but it wasn’t this.

It wasn’t this sadness

Amora was there, of course and that brought him joy as he hugged her and let her take his case. She made him tell him every single thing that happened and what he did, where he went, all of it.

It was with a lot of embarrassment that he told her he spent most of his time in the house with a certain blonde and she was screeching in happiness most of the time.

There was still the awkwardness of their last chat but that was forgotten when they got home and she started to make dinner

“Mora, come on” Loki said “you can’t do that”

“You just got back from a long vacation, I think this is the least of what I can do” she beamed “now tell me more”’

“More?” Loki snickered “I talked for an hour on the way home, you know everything”

He was unpacking in the living room and she came over

“Yes, but I want details and make them worth it”

She was making a rich, creamy soup and Loki was grateful for it even if he didn’t show it.

“So, what did you get me?” she asked, reaching into his bag to help

“Get you?” Loki asked “nothing, I was on a small trip, nothing worth getting”

“Why not?” Amora asked, picking up a shirt from the bag “Am I not …”

She broke off and Loki saw what she’d seen and yanked it up, hiding it behind him

“Maybe I should do this myself” he said

Amora gaped “Was that what I think it was?”

The bag of body chocolate crinkled behind him

“No”

“Oh my God, you kinky bastard” Amora tried to take it from him “Show me”

“No!” Loki stepped back “It was impulsive, leave it be!”

His face was burning with embarrassment, by the stars, he was never going to live this down!

“No, show it to me!”

Amora managed to corner him and Loki groaned in chagrin before he handed it over and she giggled as she held it

“Are you joking?” she squealed “Loki!”

“No, just stop talking about it!” he snatched it back “and don’t you tell anyone!”

“How?” she asked “you’re so prim and proper! I honestly expected that sex with you would be like one of those Victorian era gentlemen. Clothes on, dongers out”

Loki, who had gone back to his unpacking, turned and slowly gave her s judgmental look

“Are you high?”

Amora snorted “Nope”

She came back and helped him in earnest, then took his laundry away to throw in the machine and turn it on.

“I put your clothes in for you” Amora said

Loki turned to her as he pulled out the last of his things

“Oh, thank you” he smiled, then raised a brow “Did you separate them?”

“No” Amora beamed

“Of course you didn’t”

Not that he minded, anyone doing his laundry for him was great in his opinion.

They had a lovely dinner and Loki told her more about what he did, what happened and how great it was to get away from all the pain that he suffered here.

It was a day well spent and as she left, she wished him good luck for coming into work.

Loki felt like he didn’t need it.

He felt like he could do without luck for once because he felt confident in himself. He closed the door after her and then went to finish cleaning up. He took the laundry upstairs because it was freezing outside and he had no desire to have clothes frozen stiff.

He was putting the last of them on the stand when the doorbell rang and he went back downstairs to open it.

He looked up and stopped when he saw the very familiar blurry shape through his glass.

Svadilfari stood outside.

Loki felt his heart begin to race, but surprisingly, it was not as painful as it had been before. It just wasn’t.

Taking a deep breath, Loki went to open the door and saw Svadilfari’s grin before anything else. It was as bright as he remembered, then he raised his gaze to Loki’s eyes.

“Hey, Dove”

Loki smiled “Hello.”

“You’re back from your vacation” Svadilfari said “how was it?”

Loki stepped aside when Svadilfari walked in and closed the door

“It was really good” he said “are you hungry? I made soup…or Amora made it”

“I would love it”

With movements so familiar it threw Loki to the past, Svadilfari took his coat, hat and scarf off and placed them on the side before he followed Loki.

“How are you feeling?”

“Good, actually” Loki said “much better than our call. I am really sorry about that”

“Don’t be” Svadilfari watched as he got out two bowls and heated the soup up “I am assuming everything went well?”

“It did” Loki turned on the flame “turns out it was something else and I was over reacting because … because I just think that way, I guess”

He tried to laugh at that and it fell flat. Svadilfari did not try and laugh, his face was sad and Loki saw it, feeling self conscious almost immediately.

“Um, I should…”

“Your trust was destroyed because of me”

Loki, who was getting spoons, turned to look at him, blinking in surprise.

“Svad, I …”

“Don’t try and defend me” Svadilfari said “ I know what I did. I know what happened between us and…”

“It wasn’t all your fault” Loki told him “after how I was, it was bound to happen. I made you unhappy”

“Maybe you didn’t” Svadilfari shrugged “maybe I was just…”

“I punched you” Loki breathed “you really think that didn’t affect you?”

Svadilfari gave him that wry little smirk that always made Loki’s heart jump a little. Tonight was no exception.

“Perhaps” Svadilfari took a seat “but we were both to blame for what happened, not just you alone, if that is what you’re getting at”

He exhaled.

“Loki” he bit his lip and looked at him “I want you in my life, I don’t want you to leave me. You’re a valuable person to me”

Loki put his arms around himself and felt a familiar tingle, a hope, a relief inside him.

“I know” he said quietly

“And you mean the world to me” Svadilfari looked at him

Loki snickered and came to sit beside him “I know that, too”

“So, keeping that in mind” Svadilfari said “I would like to ask something of you that I have been worried about for a while now”

Loki frowned “What do you mean?”

Svadilfari tapped his fingers on the table and turned to face him fully.

“It’s really hard for me to say this” Svadilfari said “I wish to make it as smooth as possible but knowing me…I will mess it up”

Loki placed a hand on Svadilfari’s and looked at him “Svad, what is it? You can say anything.”

Svadilfari looked at his eyes for a few seconds, then at the table and nodded “Loki … I wanted to finalize the divorce”

Loki pulled his hand back.

Stabbing pain went through his chest and he leaned back, a frown on his brow. His mouth parted but no words came through. His throat clenched, his stomach felt tight.

“Oh”

It was a shattered breath, nothing else and Svadilfari wanted to take those words back. Loki’s face was filled with so much pain! He could see it across his face, in his eyes, in his posture.

He looked defeated.

“I…” Loki began “I should get the papers, then. Wouldn’t want to waste time”

He stood but Svadilfari stood, too.

“There’s … one more thing”

Loki’s heart stopped, nearly stopped right there especially when Svadilfari took his wrist.

Things were about to get so much worse.

“What?”

“I …” Svadilfari hesitated

This was clearly difficult for him and Loki frowned as he spoke

“Svadilfari, just say it”

Svadilfari closed the eyes and exhaled

“We…” he began softly “that is to say myself and …my girlfriend wanted to buy a house but we can’t afford any. Our apartments are too small and we needed…”

He broke off, suddenly at a loss for the words he started and it dawn Loki.

“You want me to move out” Loki whispered

He pulled his hand away and Svadilfari looked down

“We wanted a new house, we wouldn’t have …”

“I’ll go at the end of the week” Loki cut in

He had his arms around himself and all joy, hope and warmth faded from him in seconds. It was replaced by the feeling of being cold, stony and miserable immediately.

“You don’t have to say anything, it’s your house” Loki said “I think I knew this day would inevitably come, so it’s alright”

Svadilfari shook his head “Loki, I am not kicking you out, I don’t want…”

“I think you should go” Loki said quietly

He then went past him and Svadilfari cussed himself for what he’d done, then followed.

“Loki…”

He broke off when Loki placed a thick set of files on his chest, making him take it automatically.

“You can sign those and we are done” Loki smiled

But his eyes…

Svadilfari would never forget those.

They were filled with agony and torment and pain. And it was so deep that Svadilfari could never undo what had been done, he could never take it out.

“I’m s-”

Loki cut him off again, same smile, same agony.

“It’s alright” he said “I need to sleep anyway”

He didn’t care that the soup was done, he didn’t care that his words fell hollow and cold between the.

Hell, he barely let Svadilfari take his coat and scarf.

He all but pushed him out of the door and Svadilfari turned at his stoop.

“Loki…”

“Goodnight” Loki said

He snapped the door closed and Svadilfari stood there, stunned.

It turned to pain when he heard a thud, like someone sat heavily against the door infront of him. And then the loudest, most painful wail of agony rose from behind that door

It filled his eyes with tears and Svadilfari wanted nothing more than to comfort him.

He also knew he was the _last_ person Loki would want to see.

So he turned and walked away, swearing to come and see him two days later.

Loki took another day off and Svadilfari kept looking to his little office space repeatedly for the next two days. It was hard to find him missing the next day and to see a blurry shape of him on the computer the next.

Loki did not look at him, he did not greet him, smile at him or even acknowledge him.

Svadilfari waited anxiously for the two days to end, and when they did, when his own self inflicted ban from seeing Loki lifted, he drove from the office to his old house.

Only to find it empty.

He was gone

He was truly gone.

***

Work was torture, it really was.

Loki saw him every day but refused to look at him or speak to him. The times he had to, he would be terse, keep his gaze lowered and then walk away.

He didn’t linger, he didn’t say anything.

If anything, he was numb to it and he preferred it that way because it healed his heart. Or at the very least, it protected his stupid, stupid heart.

He stayed late at night because it was easier than going to the apartment. He’d found a small one on such short notice and God, did he hate it.

It was a miracle that he’d found it, but it had a view of the Thames and it was too small for a family and too expensive for someone single to live there. Even he barely made the rent without having to starve or give up too much.

He’d paid no rent in Svadilfari’s house and had a better lifestyle.

Now, with most of his pay going to rent, he was every bit the poetic, down on funds artist that were littered around history.

He went to Amora’s house every night for dinner, which she was happy about, then home, so he was saving on having too much to eat at his house.

He worked late because that meant more income for him and a delay on the loneliness he felt yet again

Thor hadn’t called him

He hadn’t even picked up when Loki called him a few times. Loki knew it was because of whatever situation he was in but still, it really hurt.

He tried his Skype a few times, too, but got no answer and because of that he found himself more alone than he had been when he left here.

People at work commented about him.

Loki hated that. He hated that he knew what they were talking about. Amora didn’t bring it up but was happy to shut down anyone who said something about him around her.

He was grateful and affectionately called her his protector.

She didn’t mind, she liked that title and then enjoyed his company after dinner.

Tonight, however, she had a date and apologized, though she gave him a casserole she’d made for him earlier.

Loki thanked her and took it home to his drab, empty little apartment. He closed the door behind him and set the things on his kitchen table.

Then he got himself a glass of juice and pulled his laptop out so he could enjoy some time to himself.

He turned on his streaming service and was having his casserole while watching a history documentary when someone knocked on his door.

He groaned inwardly.

If it was his annoying neighbor, he was truly going to lose what little patience he had with her. She had been interested in him since he moved in and always found reasons to come over or stop him in the hallway to chat with him.

He made it clear he didn’t like it, but she was far from deterred.

He set his food aside, paused the documentary and went to open the door.

He froze when he saw Svadilfari standing there. Looking tired.

“Svadilfari…” Loki breathed “What – What are you doing here?”

Svadilfari ducked his head and smiled at him

“I just wanted to see how you were doing” he said “and to apologize”

Loki’s brows raised a bit in surprise but he didn’t let him in. letting him in would be disastrous, he knew.

“Oh, well, thank you, but it was not needed” he said “I should have moved a long time ago”

“I shouldn’t have made you feel as though you weren’t welcome there” Svadilfari spoke before Loki could dismiss him “I came off cruelly and you deserved better.”

“Perhaps” Loki crossed his arms and leaned on the doorjamb “perhaps I got the kick I needed to do what was best for me, too. I couldn’t stay in your house and take up space you legally owned”

“My parents owned, but aye, I get what you mean” Svadilfari scuffed the ground with his foot “I just…I wanted to apologize. I know I have a lot to make up for but I wanted to start somewhere”

Loki laughed softly “I think we both do. We were not kind to one another especially towards the end”

Svadilfari nodded “I know. I replay that time in my head a lot”

“I do, too” Loki smiled a little

It killed him every time he did. It was hurting him to see Svadilfari here, still.

“I guess I miss you” Svadilfari said “even if its awkward, I love your presence. And you always have a place in my life, until you no longer want it”

Again, that sweet smile, that pain in Loki’s chest…

“Thank you”

He pushed off the door and Svadilfari straightened

“I guess I will see you at work?” Loki said, stepping back a little “good night, Svadilfari”

Svadilfari grinned “Night, Dove”

He nodded his head to him and walked down the hall after Loki closed the door.

He made his way to the exit.

Loki’s apartment was in the middle. It had a view of the Thames, but only barely, through a small window in the bathroom, but Svadilfari got a better view of it from the halls and stairs as he headed back.

He whistled as he made his way out and got into his Uber.

He asked the driver to drive beside the Thames for as long as possible. He liked seeing the waters at this hour. He liked the Thames, unlike many, many people who were averse to it. He liked seeing the water sparkle in the majestic sort of way it did.

There were no boats at this hour because of the high tide, the moon lit up the waters.

As he watched, Svadilfari frowned.

Something surfaced from the water.

Not too much, but it was large enough that Svadilfari saw shiny scales and he shook his head, lowered the window to see again.

But it was gone.

The water was undisturbed and he stared at that spot till he passed it.

He must be more tired than he thought he was.

He sat back and wondered what in the hell that was. A large fish, probably, there were a lot on the Thames.

But for some reason his mind kept telling him it wasn’t that. Fish didn’t have scales that big.

Did they?

He got distracted when he went home but that image stayed in his head for most of the day.

Even as he worked the next morning, it came when his brain was relaxed. He decided to take a break and visit Leah in her office.

Lately, with the moving and all, she was in a snippy mood – he wanted to help her with that.

He exited his office the moment the large doors to their floor opened.

Svadilfari stared.

Amora was leading in a man who looked like he came out of a Mythology book.

Thick blonde hair, a sexy undercut that made most of the people stare as he climbed down the few steps before him to step into the workspace.

He had blue eyes that focused on the little office Amora pointed to.

She was so excited and told him to go there.

Svadilfari couldn’t help but watch as he went to Loki’s office and that was when it clicked

This was the man Loki had been speaking about.

Thor was beaming and he thanked Amora, gave her a kiss to the knuckles which had her blushing.

“Alright, now go” she said

Thor could see Loki in his office and he went to knock on the door.

Loki was focused on his task and frowned in irritation.

“What?”

In response, the door was knocked on again and he hissed

“Amora, if that is you, I will make you regret it” he stood

He wanted to finish his article but apparently, that was not meant to be. He turned to the door and opened it, only to stare in shock.

“Thor!?” he asked, surprised

“Aye, Guppy”

Loki laughed and wrapped his arms around him when Thor hugged him

“What…What are you doing here?” he gasped “How did you find me?”

Thor put an arm around him and kissed his head

“I have my ways”

Amora waved at him and Loki couldn’t stop smiling. His cheeks were hurting!

“I … Oh my God” Loki beamed, putting his hands over his face “You’re here…”

The delight on his face made Svadilfari smile, just a little, then he went to Leah. He was actually surprised to see her glaring at Loki.

He knew she had a problem with him but usually she kept her composure about it. This just looked hostile.

Loki was the center of attention at the moment, but he didn’t care. He had eyes only for Thor, who, after telling Amora, heading out with Loki to take a much needed break.

Svadilfari came over to Leah and kissed her head

“Hey, you”

She moved to his side and sighed

“Well, that was serious cringe”

Svadilfari rubbed her arm “Not really, I thought it was really sweet.”

“That’s because you have a history with him” she said “it was hard to watch”

She placed a hand on his chest and watched the place Loki had been in.

She did not like him. Even though Svadilfari never said it, never admitted to it, he looked up to Loki. He liked his strength and resilience. He also wanted to be as calm as him.

He’d said it once when he was drunk and she’d never forgotten it.

It ate at her inside, sometimes.

But at least she had the house now.

It wouldn’t be long before Svadilfari completely forgot him.

She led him to his office, but no one really noticed.

Everyone was talking about that tall, handsome blonde who had walked in and sweapt Loki away like some romance novel hero.

And honestly, he looked it.

Loki thought the same as he walked the London streets with him, unable to keep from looking at him and feeling joy fill his lonely heart.

“I still can’t believe you’re here” Loki laughed “I keep thinking it’s a dream or something, I swear”

“We can pretend it’s a dream” Thor told him “I’ll vanish the second you gain coherence”

Loki snorted and whacked his arm “You haven’t changed”

He could not stop smiling; his cheeks hurt, but he just couldn’t

Thor was here! He was here and he came to surprise him!

Loki had his arm looped with his as he took him out of his office building and outside.

“How?” Loki asked “how did you get here?”

“Well, you know, pulled a few strings, a few favors and here I am” Thor beamed “I have an apartment not far from yours, too.”

A furrow appeared in Loki’s brow

“Oh”

He looked at the sidewalk for a moment

“I thought you were going to stay with me”

“Oh, Guppy” Thor’s face became sad “I can’t. I want to and I will spend the days with you, it’s just that…”

“The debt still needs to be paid” Loki said

“Aye”

A terse silence fell between them where Loki wondered why he wasn’t one hundred percent happy with Thor here. Well, the answer was that he wanted more time with him, but with him working and all, it would be limited no matter what.

“But I’m here now” Thor said “and till the evening, I’m yours”

Loki smiled at him “Yes, yes, that’s true, I guess. And you can spend time in the office with me, too. I don’t think anyone would mind as long as I get the articles I have to write out”

“Ah, yes” Thor said “those articles”

He had an arm around Loki as they walked and pulled him closer

“Now where are you taking me for lunch?”

“Well, since you are here, in London, how about some good, old fashioned fish and chips?” Loki asked “I know a great place”

Thor grinned “I would love you. Though I didn’t peg as someone who had ‘peasant food’”

Loki laughed as they turned a corner to get the food they were after

“Fish and chips are classic, they are not peasant food”

“Agreed, but you have to admit with your fancy … bourgeois sauce…is far from fish and chips”

Loki burst out laughing “Bolognaise sauce!”

He shook his head and pat his arm

“Ah, you savage, I love y – it” Loki said

His cheeks heated up and he pretended he hadn’t been saying what he’d thought he would just so Thor wouldn’t notice

But Thor had

And excitement went through him at the thought of him reaching what he had thought was unattainable. His heart began to pound and he wanted nothing more than to pump his fist into the air and scream in joy.

He loved him.

Loki loved him!

He couldn’t stop grinning and after they got their fish and chips, Thor kept finding himself smiling over and over at this.

Loki loved him

He loved him!

And oh, that was what he’d wanted to hear from him! That was all he wanted!

He stayed stuck to him most of the day, even when they went back to the office. He sat down, talking with him when Loki didn’t need to focus too much and reading some of the things Loki had written.

It was incredible, this feeling, this enjoyment of knowing how close he was to his goal and how easy it had been

Vidarr had been wrong.

Thor was right about his instincts, about this man.

He smiled as Loki leaned over to type on his computer and grinned.

He set the readings he had in his hand aside, then reached out and grabbed the arm of Loki’s office chair to yank him towards him

Loki let out a yelp of surprise

“Thor, what are you…?”

He broke off the next moment with Thor’s lips landed on his own and his hands cradled his jaw. His eyes fell closed when he felt Thor’s tongue slip into his mouth and he moaned softly, wrapping his arms around Thor’s shoulders.

His blood heated up instantly and he felt excitement run through him when Thor loomed over him, hands on both arms of his chair as he licked into his mouth and groaned heavily.

The sound made Loki shudder and he responded to the kiss eagerly, all work and thought forgotten. He used his grip on Thor to pull himself upwards and immediately Thor’s arms went around his waist to mold their bodies closer together.

A soft gasp escaped Loki when one of Thor’s hand slid down his back to squeeze his rear hard, letting him know how eager Thor was for him

Thor took him with him as he sat back in his chair and tipped his head up to keep kissing him. His large hands skated over his back, then into his hair. One of them grasped his hair in a fist to keep his head where it was then the other slid back over his back.

Loki’s head felt dizzy, this was unreal, it had to be.

He was breathless and his chest hurt from a proper lack of air but he didn’t want to stop.

Thor was intoxicating!

He wanted more!

Loki broke the kiss off and stared at him for a second, breathing heavily.

“H-How long do you have?”

Thor took Loki’s wrist so he could look at the watch and smiled

“We have about two hours”

Loki nodded and got off

“Come on” he said “I’m taking an early day”

He turned to send out the email he was working on then picked up his coat and scarf. He was pulling his bag out from under the desk when Thor’s hand came to his rear again.

“Thor!” Loki straightened, red in the face” contain yourself!”

“Say the man who can’t think straight” Thor teased

He got his own belongings and Loki gave him a glare

“Oh, you will pay for that, boy”

“I’m looking forward to it, Daddy” Thor winked as he opened the door and walked out

Loki stood there, blushing red and followed him. He was sure everyone knew where he was going and what he was going to do but he couldn’t care less.

He was happy.

The drive home was charged with their need and the second Thor entered his small apartment, Loki was pressed against the door and kissed so passionately, he wouldn’t have been able to remember his own name.

It was exciting, it was amazing.

Their clothes were pulled off, thrown down as they walked towards the bedroom, leaving a trail of garments behind them.

Loki was gasping in pleasure and let out a long, low moan when Thor finally pushed him back on the bed and climbed on it, too.

“God, yes…” Loki hissed when Thor moved on top of him, his mouth sucking marks into Loki’s neck. He slid one muscular thigh between his legs to make space for himself and Loki opened his eyes to see him lower himself down along the length of him.

He felt deliciously crushed into the bed.

He felt the dark, wild intent in his movement and it sent a thrill racing into his body.

“Raise your knees” Thor whispered into his ear.

Loki shivered in pleasure and did as he asked, raising his knees on either side of Thor’s waist while Thor kissed him and left marks on his neck.

Thor’s hand went to his bedside and Loki let out a whimper of pleasure when Thor pressed down against him.

“Thor…”

“I’m right here” Thor kissed his cheek softly “Just wait a moment longer.”

He got the lubrication needed and slickened two of his fingers.

Then he turned Loki around and began to prepare him.

Loki sobbed in pleasure, gasping so loudly, he was sure his neighbors heard him. He grabbed his pillow with both hands and bit into it to stifle his moans and Thor laughed.

“I’m going to take that as a challenge”

He found and pressed against Loki’s pleasure spot, rubbing it with his finger tips and Loki’s toes curled. He buried his face in the pillow and Thor watched, mesmerized by the way his body tensed and released in response to his actions.

Loki’s gasps filled the air and Thor made sure to give him as much pleasure as possible.

When finally, _finally_ , Loki was ready, Thor placed his hands on either side of him before he guided himself in.

Loki cried out sharply, then clenched around him

It was phenomenal. He’d wanted this for so long and now Thor was here, giving him what he needed.

He shivered in pleasure as Thor went into his slicked channel and gave him what he craved.

Once Thor was buried into him, he lowered himself over Loki and gloried in the stuttered noise he made. His large hands grabbed Loki’s wrists and he used them to pull himself up, deeper into him

Loki sobbed “ _Thor_ …!”

“Aye, yes…”

He began to thrust and Loki’s moaning filled the room. He bit his lip, his body taut with pleasure whenever Thor pushed into his pliant, needy body.

“Oh …God, Thor!” Loki set his head down on the mattress and gasped

Thor groaned, too, the feeling of being so close to Loki was indescribable and he heard Loki shiver and keen under him.

His own groans of pleasure mixed with Loki’s as he began to move his hips in earnest. His grip was hard on Loki’s wrists and as he pushed in, he bit the junction of his shoulder and neck, hearing that sweet, sweet cry Loki gave.

“I …” Loki panted “God, Thor…oh, God..”

He was panting, his voice breathy and shaking. Every time Thor rubbed against that spot, Loki wept in pleasure. It was so intense it was like all his senses were focused solely on that.

On Thor’s voice, the feel of his slick body on him, the scent of their passion, even the taste of him on his lips when he kissed him. He’d tip Loki’s head to the side to kiss him as his large arms rested on either side of Loki.

It felt unbelievable

Thor felt so heavy and perfect on him and Loki let out soft, gasping cries with each thrust.

The bed creaked under their combined weight and Loki grit his teeth as Thor went harder, pounding into him with all the power he had.

“Thor…I’m close…!” Loki panted “I’m close…”

Thor felt it. He felt how desperate he was for his release and he bit into his shoulder and increased the speed of his thrusting, placing his hands over Loki’s to twine their fingers together.

Loki hissed and moaned, taking every single one of those thrusts.

He felt his release come over him and Loki bit his lip when he came, moaning out his name in a voice shaken whenever Thor thrust into him

His world faded into pleasure and Loki closed his eyes, aware of Thor’s own shout of release some time later and then felt that magnificent body settle on his own.

Loki’s heart raced within his chest and he felt Thor stroke the back of his hand with his thumb, which was such a sweet, soothing movement that it made him smile.

Then, Thor shifted and lay on his side so he could pull Loki against him.

Loki opened his eyes

The dimming light from behind Thor made it look like a true dream.

Thor’s hair seemed to glow and the way he was silhouetted against it made Loki smile. He reached over to cup his cheek, then run his hand through his hair, once more feeling the prickle of his short cut hair at his fingertips.

He realized then how much he’d craved it.

“I missed you so much” Loki told him

Thor’s hand came over his own and he turned his head to kiss his palm.

“I’m sorry I was absent but things will be better now”

He began to rub Loki’s finger tenderly within his own and kept his eyes on him.

“You have no idea how much you mean to me”

Loki smiled again and Thor found charm in the soft wrinkles at the corner of his eyes.

He even liked the wisdom Loki had in his eyes.

“Why don’t you tell me?” Loki asked

“I can hardly find words” Thor told him “there’s something about you that I can’t help but be drawn to”

“Yes, sex”

Thor laughed and flicked his cheek “No, you ass.”

Loki gave him another slow smile and then kissed his mouth

“When do you have to go?”

Thor shrugged “I have another hour”

“Well, best not waste that, right?” Loki began to pull him over again

“Or…” Thor said “we can take a walk alongside that beautiful river you have here”

“Thames?” Loki asked “well, I’ve never heard anyone say anything like that to me before, but sure”

Thor grinned “Maybe in a few minutes. We still have those. I want to relax a little”

“I have no qualms about that”

Loki let Thor move him till Thor was spooning him and they lay together. He was happy and felt Thor mouthing at his shoulder, kissing and nipping it every now and then. One of this thighs had worked itself between Loki’s, too.

He watched as Loki played with his hand, enjoying the feel of it.

“What are you thinking?”

“Hmm?” Loki asked softly “Nothing, a lot of things at the same time”

Thor smiled and kissed his ear

“Tell me”

Loki shrugged “Just stuff about work and other boring business”

Thor rubbed his arm and kissed his shoulder again.

Loki stroked along Thor’s palm from the tip of his middle finger

“May I ask you something?”

“Of course” Thor said

“Why do you owe someone so much money?”

Thor closed his eyes, knowing he should have expected this and came up with a practiced response

“My mother was sick” he said “I had to get it. No bank would give it to me on such short notice but this loan shark did.”

“Oh”

Loki frowned “Thor, that’s terrible”

“I know” Thor said “and it was all for nothing since she died anyway”

There was an edge to his voice and Loki stilled in his arms. His expression became sad.

“Thor, I’m so sorry” he said quietly

Thor hummed, then Loki felt a kiss on his shoulder

“How about that walk now?”

“Of course”

Loki stroked his arm and then stood, getting out of bed, wincing a little.

“Damn, Thor, I think you broke something”

Thor smiled and watched him with a predatory look.

His eyes glowed but with Loki’s back turned, there was little to no way he could have seen it. So he let him be and watched as he went to his bathroom to shower.

Thor took a nap on the bed, imagining how his day would go from here.

For the first time in his memory, he would be able to sit and enjoy the moon with no apprehension or fear around him. He would likely even spend the night with Loki, surprise him with a ‘thank you’ on his part in all of this.

And then … then he would go back to the seas and get the man responsible for what had been done to him and his family.

He would strangle him to death and watch the life leave his eyes.

He would be able to feel that life leave under his fingers and know that it was the end of his suffering.

He drifted off before he knew it and woke only when a light hand rested on his shoulder. Thor opened his eyes and they flashed brightly before focusing on Loki, who was waiting beside him.

“Bathroom’s free” Loki said, standing there fully dressed and ready “let’s hurry before you have to go”

“Aye, of course”

Thor slid out of bed, got his bag from where they’d dropped it and took out his clothes. He went into the bathroom while Loki got himself some tea.

Once more, he couldn’t stop smiling

Thor was here

He was here!

He had his own place but for now, he was Loki’s.

And that was all that mattered.

His tea was gone when Thor came back to him and pulled him into a kiss as he smiled at him.

“You’re incredible”

Loki rolled his eyes a little but blushed.

“Aw, look at this, the old man is blushing!”

Loki groaned and knocked his hand off his cheek

“Get off” he said, looking away

This was so embarrassing! He was flushing and giggling like a young girl!

He shook his head at himself and his behavior, then led Thor out.

The faster their walk distracted them, the better, he thought. He didn’t any more blushing incidents.

The sun was close to setting and for once, Thor was there, he was relaxed, he had no need to run. Hell, he even took Loki’s hand in his own as they walked toward the Thames. Loki was happy and showed Thor the many, many sites they had around, told him about the sunken ships that people were fond of seeing, told him about how deep it was.

It was fun for him

They walked all the way to the end of it where there were nearly no people. Most of them had gone home or were far off the other side of the river so Loki felt romantic and leaned against Thor as they stood on the edge of the river.

They were standing on the cement pathway a few feet above the water and watched the sun begin to go down over the horizon

Thor had an arm around Loki and was rubbing his shoulder.

Loki held his free hand in both of his own.

It was serene

“Hey”

Loki turned when Thor called to him

“I wanted to…ask you something”

Loki frowned “Ask me what?”

“Earlier, you said something” he said “and of course, you being you, hid it the second you realized what it was”

Loki bit his lip and looked at the ground “I think I know what you are referring to”

“Did you mean it?” Thor asked, making him look up at him

There was an urgency in the way he tipped Loki’s head up and though it was odd, Loki didn’t linger on that too much.

“Um…” he said “perhaps. Why? Does it bother you?”

Thor grinned “No. But I would love to hear it”

Loki gave him a shy grin, then sighed

“Alright” he told him, still smiling “I love you”

Relief fell over Thor and he pulled Loki into his arms and kissed him. His eyes closed and his body felt free for the first time as he kissed him, as he felt his future turn brighter than it had been before, as he realized he’d done it.

Despite what everyone said, he’d done it.

He broke off and looked at the setting sun, then back to Loki because only a few more minutes remained.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear you say that”

He kissed him again and walked him backwards

“But I fear this will not end well for you”

Loki’s body went cold and he stared at him the second he felt Thor’s large hands push him back.

He gasped when his feet went out from under him and screamed when he toppled over the railing and flew towards the waters below.

His world twisted and spun as he was tossed off the edge and into the abyss of water, cold and death.

He splashed into it hard, went under, then scrabbled, trying to get to the surface.

Thor turned to walk off, ready to take his throne now that the spell had broken.

Or rather … _given to another._

Either way, it was no longer his problem.

But he’d barely taken two steps when he felt it – that tingling sensation at his spine.

Thor went white in shock and spun around to see the sun set and that tingling increase.

“No!” he screamed, anger and rage filling his voice “No!”

He felt that terrible, awful pain take him over and let out a frustrated _scream_ of rage before he ran to the railing and jumped over, too.

He dove into the water where Loki was clinging to a broken pipe and struggling to breathe as he saw him go under.

Then, the water began to shake, it rippled and splashed, it thrashed before his eyes and he couldn’t believe it because this couldn’t be true

None of this could be true!

Loki coughed and gagged as the cold water hit him, trying to find a way back to the surface but also unable to look away from the violently splashing waters behind him.

Whatever Thor was doing, it was terrifying.

Waves from the thrashing water hit him and lifted him, then pulled him down, threatening to have him lose his grip on the broken pipe.

“Loki!”

He looked up and saw a tall blonde man take his coat off before he leapt into the water. He had no idea who he was or why he came here, but Loki was relieved when he came towards him and pulled him into his arms

“Just hold on to me” he ordered

Loki nodded and clung to him as he took him away, taking him towards the metal ladders protruding from the cement on the sides of the river

Behind him, Loki heard the raging waters and felt them hit and climb over them until they were able to securely hold the ladder.

The stranger let Loki climb up first and helped him get to the top where he collapsed on the cement.

Loki’s face was pale, he was cold to the touch and so deeply confused that it scared him

What the hell was going on!?

The man cupped his cheeks in his hands and pat them, then pushed Loki’s coat off so he could stop any hypothermia threat that loomed over him.

Loki’s heart was racing in his chest and he turned to look at the whipping, battering waters behind him.

There was something writhing angrily in the water.

Something very, _very_ big.

He slowly held the railing and lifted himself up a little to see what the hell it was and that was when he saw it.

Something so familiar, something so strange he would never, ever forget it.

The crest he’d seen in St Furjosa.

The crest of the sea serpent that he’d heard about, the stories he’d read and wanted to follow, the piece of history that was so intriguing to him.

The myth

The legend, the Loch Ness monster, the serpent of the seas.

Jormungandr

He was there, he was real.

And he was Thor.

Loki felt himself get light headed and lowered himself off the railing and to the ground. Two warm hands touched his face and brushed his hair back but Loki only stared.

His mind was in shock, his body cold.

And the life seemed to be pressed out of his heart.

His world began to get darker and Loki fell into it with relief.


	7. Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asgard.
> 
> The kingdom of the land and seas.
> 
> The world of miracle and hope.
> 
> The eternal realm, as many called it.
> 
> The face of the kingdom was plain for those who knew where it was, turning the once craggy face of the mountain into a polished monument of stone and rock. Windows let those living within see the magnificent sea before them and doors led to stair ways that led straight into the ocean.
> 
> An unfathomable, beautiful realm that combined magic and reality…
> 
> And within this unfathomable beauty lived the family that ruled over Asgard

He woke on something soft and to the sound of muted voices outside. His eyes opened slowly, aching, like his head, like his face and his body. Confusion lit his features for a second as he tried to wonder what the hell had happened, but it was wiped quickly away by the cruel, heartless memories that came with what he’d seen and what he’d been through.

Loki shot up in bed, his heart racing. He turned to his side, pat the bed, then looked around for his phone.

He had to call the police.

If those voices outside were who he thought they were, he was calling the authorities.

He began to grow worried when he couldn’t find his cell phone and one look at his bed side showed him that the landline had been disconnected and taken from him too.

Shit …

The voices were still there, Thor was still there as was that stranger who had jumped into the water to fish him out.

Or at least Loki hoped that was him.

He had two hostile people in his home and Loki had no phone.

He ran his hands through his hair, his eyes wide.

What the hell had happened!?

His brain stuttered as he tried to recall and understand what had been done.

Thor was … not human. He’d _used_ Loki for something and tossed him into a river.

It sounded like an awfully written story!

Loki shook his head

This was no possible, it had to be a dream, it had to!

The feeling of knowing that this entire time Thor had been lying, manipulating him and ensnaring him knocked the wind from his lungs and Loki found it hard to breathe. His face began to prickle, needles and pins stung every inch of his body.

It was all a lie.

It was all a lie!

His eyes watered and Loki hated himself for that. He hated that he was so weak that Thor saw him as the perfect prey for whatever he’d intended to do to him.

Sadness filled him and he placed a hand over his mouth, shaking his head

He used him

Just like Svadilfari had done.

Loki blinked slowly and a thin line of tears spilled down his cheeks.

The prickling in his face was shame, the one in his body was shock.

He was so stupid.

He really was.

Loki took a deep breath and wiped the stupid tears away before he got out of bed.

He would wallow in his pain later. Right now, he wanted to be angry.

Very, very angry.

He went to the door and opened it.

He was a little worried about being able to conjure the anger he wanted, he was. But the second he saw him sitting there, talking to that other blonde man, it came to him.

From the sadness, self pity and pain, it rose inside him like a burden he was unleashing and he grit his teeth when they both turned to him.

Thor’s face was stony, devoid of emotion and the other, the stranger, was cautious.

“Loki, you’re …”

“Get out” Loki rasped, rage rushing into his system “both of you, get out of my house”

They didn’t move and Loki stormed over

“Either you get out or I call the police”

“With what?” Thor scoffed “Asshat here took your phones”

That voice, the derision, the _mocking_ , all of it made any shred of decency and tranquility left in Loki fade.

He turned to Thor, pulled back and swung his fist as hard as he could in his face, tossing him back over the back of the couch he was sitting on and toppling him to the floor. Thor’s cry of pain was muted by the blood running through Loki’s veins, any pain he felt in his hand was non existent.

“I said, get out!” he barked at them “Both of you, _get out_!”

Haldor stared at his brother for a second before he looked at Loki

“Listen, I know you’re upset…”

“You don’t know the half of it” Loki rasped “now get out before I hurt you!”

Thor groaned and stood, a hand over his cut lip. He looked at Loki and grimaced

“Alright, I deserved that” he said “but we cannot leave, you….”

“I don’t give a damn!” Loki growled “I want you and your friend out of here, now!”

He didn’t want to be here with them, in this place, he especially didn’t want to be here with him!

“Leave!”

“You know, you can hardly make us” Thor wiped the blood from his lip “there’s two of us and one of you”

Loki strode over to him and Thor grinned, terrifying with the blood that painted his face.

Haldor sighed when Thor grabbed Loki’s wrist when he swung at him again and Loki hissed in rage

“Let go of me!”

Thor released him “Don’t hit me again”

“I should do worse!” Loki rasped, pulling away from him “I told you to get out!”

“Well, we can’t” Haldor said “because if we do, everything this _idiot_ has done will be for nothing”

Thor rolled his eyes and went to the bathroom to clean up, which somehow calmed Loki a little bit.

Only a little

“What the hell is going on?” Loki rasped

Haldor exhaled “I would explain but it’s a little out there”

“Try me” Loki hissed “or get out”

“Very well” Haldor exhaled “I just suggest that you come with me to the kitchen. You can have something to calm yourself and I can tell you everything that happened.”

“Or your version of it” Loki said “I still want you to leave”

“Hear me out, then we will go” Haldor bargained “Please. If I wanted you hurt, I would not have saved you”

“I want my phone” Loki told him “if you want me to listen, I want my phone”

Haldor looked conflicted, but it was vital for him to get Loki to listen and not act impulsively because there was a very clear and present danger that had set foot in their area a little while ago.

Haldor exhaled, then pulled out Loki’s phone and extended it to him

“There” he said “but please, listen before you condemn the both of us”

“It’s a little late for that” Loki said, getting himself some water.

He made sure to keep Haldor in his line of vision as he did so.

He did not trust him

“Speak and hurry up about it”

Haldor sighed “Alright, my name is Haldor and I am a prince from a realm those on land are unaware of…”

_The mountain rose from the blue of the ocean, a strong, stern face of rock and stone, deeper than anything this world had ever seen. It lifted to the skies, larger, dominating, touching the two worlds it ruled with a gentility that was both subtle and obvious. It kissed the earth and the bottom of the sea and was filled with the life of those who lived in it._

_The mountain was carved with the kingdom of two worlds, of the earth and the sea. Its fingers wrapped around the lands and the ocean it was set in, the face of the power that came with her name._

_Asgard._

_The kingdom of the land and seas._

_The world of miracle and hope._

_The eternal realm, as many called it._

_The face of the kingdom was plain for those who knew where it was, turning the once craggy face of the mountain into a polished monument of stone and rock. Windows let those living within see the magnificent sea before them and doors led to stair ways that led straight into the ocean._

_An unfathomable, beautiful realm that combined magic and reality…_

_And within this unfathomable beauty lived the family that ruled over Asgard_

_King Odin, the famed god of the Seas, controller of all life and order under water, sat upon his high throne to care for those under his charge. Beside him, kind and soft in contrast, was Queen Frigga, who gave those who came to her the guidance and help that they needed._

_And with them, ever present, were their three children._

_The eldest, Thor Odinson, Crowned Prince of Agard was the strength that Asgard would have after Odin left the throne to him…Thor’s son from a beloved woman, not his Queen._

_The second in birth, Prince Haldor was Thor’s guide, his advisor, the man who would discuss what needed to be with his brother and implementing his orders with wisdom and sense._

_The third, the youngest, was Princess Hela. A stark contrast to her family, she was the ‘black fish’ as her brothers loved to call her. She was fifteen years old and already showed clear signs of magic and power that Odin possessed._

_She would make an excellent warrior_

_Together, this family brought order into the oceans and was, by far, one of the most powerful kingdoms in the seas._

_Out of the Nine, they were the ones everyone looked up to._

_Except one realm, one so dark and deep inside the ocean they barely surfaced._

_Known as the Dark Ones, they were a mysterious race, once led by the cruel hearted Algrim and his son and ward Malekith the Accursed._

_It was said that Malekith was born from the darkness that housed creatures so absurd and terrifying that they made no contact with anyone within the light waters._

_They were foul, venomous and Malekith was no different. He got powers that resembled the black, thick oil escaping from volcanic eruptions deep in the bottom of the sea and his eyes were covered with it._

_Algrim has a thirst for power that he used to get what he wanted. He harbored hate for those who lived above and longed to gain the supremacy they had or he wanted them to fail._

_He wanted Odin to give him what he’d built or he would take it._

_He’s tried twice and failed, but he believed that with his son, he would finally have the chance to win._

_But for the moment, he’d been banished by Odin to the depths and into the unknown, waiting for a chance to strike again._

_For up above where Odin lived, there was happiness and he was not going to abide by that._

_Not for long, at least._

_***_

_The waters burst as he blasted through them, making a few women and children let out surprised cries, then begin to giggle when he shook the water out of his hair and winked at them._

_The women blushed and he caught their interest in the way their eyes went over his bare torso or how they bit their lips as he passed._

_His mane of gold, his bright blue eyes and his strong form was the desire of many, many of the residents of Asgard._

_Creatures of both the waters and the earth, they, like Asgard’s palace, lived in both worlds. None of the human beings that lived on their land were aware of them._

_Nor would they be, for their technology was far ahead of the ones that the humans used on land._

_They had constructed ships only recently but were still too afraid to branch out and search the open waters. They were too afraid to seek out the seas. They were too afraid to go farther than their land allowed._

_So, for now, Thor and his people were safe._

_He went past the markets, avoiding those who leapt from the waterways between the streets and head onto the ‘Northern parts of Asgard._

_In Thor’s opinion, the ‘Northern’ parts should have been named the ‘boring’ parts since the sea and waters below housed beauty and wonder far greater._

_Yet, there were droves of his people who liked to live on land, sometimes even with humans, and Odin had long since decided that it was no problem._

_It was why Asgard was built the way she was._

_Accommodating to both the land and sea._

_It was why half the palace was submerged under water._

_It was deep in the mountain, far away from the area Thor was currently walking on. The face of their city was a fort, the soldiers and guards stayed at the forefront while the deeper part of it was the city and then further back was the palace. Beyond that, the safe houses which were unreachable by anyone who was not Asgardian._

_They were untouchable._

_Thor walked past those who went about their business, the buzzing of language, life and activity was a part of his day. These people were his to care for and he wanted to integrate himself with them as much as he possibly could._

_His ascension to the throne was close._

_He could almost feel it._

_“Ah, there is the elusive prince, back from another jaunt in the open waters!”_

_Thor groaned when a heavy arm landed on his shoulders and looked to the face of his long time friend, Volstagg._

_He was heavy, a rotund and jolly old man with a beard as thick as his middle. He was smiling and kind, protective of Thor. Thor knew he considered him a son and that he was a fierce fighter if it ever came to Thor being in danger._

_Except if it was from the taunts he and the rest of Thor’s friends shot towards the prince._

_Then it was open season._

_“Ah, there is he, the whale on two legs” Thor smiled back “Tell us, how did you manage to do that?”_

_“Magic” Volstagg pat his back “and spite for you, you brat”_

_Thor smiled and walked with them through his town. This was his world, his beloved kingdom and his people._

_“Have you anything planned today other than swimming with the schools of silver fish you adore so much?” Fandral asked “By the way you spend time under the waters, it feels as though you can speak to them”_

_Thor laughed and leaned over a bit to him “And you can’t?”_

_Sif, the best warrior Thor knew, rolled her eyes – she had long since said that Thor was an ocean beast than one of them._

_They grew together with Thor, they knew him inside and out, they knew his thoughts, his passions, his pursuits for the kingdom, all of it. And they aligned their interest and lives with his._

_They knew that they would be by his side all their lives, their loyalty would make him stronger than perhaps even Odin was. The potential than coursed through Thor’s veins was high the whole of Asgard would rise with it._

_The palace was monument of their strength and the guards fell into a respectful kneel as they entered, rising only once they passed. Volstagg seemed to enjoy this treatment though Fandral was the one who took the benefits eagerly._

_He vanished as soon as he saw a few women giving him interested looks and the others, so used to his vanishing, didn’t even bat an eye._

_The palace from within glowed with the iridescent stones and corals that were unique only to the waters. The ceiling was high, so high that they couldn’t see lest they gain the ability to fly up to it. Not even the torches were able to light it up._

_The high ceiling echoed the clicking of their boots as they went past the staff, nobility and gentry to head to the throne room which was being ruled over by Father and King – Odin_

_Thor was the first to kneel, a fist clenched over his heart, his head bowed, to his father. The others followed and Odin smiled._

_“And why are you kneeling?” he asked his son “have you done something wrong?”_

_Thor looked at him and smiled back “Perhaps. How would you know?”_

_Thor’s friends left him to his father when Thor climbed up the throne steps to sit with Odin_

_“All you do is sit in your big chair and give out your commands”_

_Odin looked at him “You truly think that’s all I do?”_

_“I just say what I see” Thor told him “and what I see is an old wise man being guided by a wiser woman”_

_“Ah, I see” Odin said “buttering up your mother – that’s the game”_

_“Possibly” Thor told him_

_He sat in the chair beside Odin’s, one where Frigga now sat, one where Thor’s wife would sit._

_“Aye, what of you?” Thor asked “what have you been going all day, sitting lazily in your big chair?”_

_“Commanding the kingdom, unlike you” Odin told him “you know, it would do you good to actually sit in one of the meetings I keep having in my big chair”_

_Thor made a face “And do you know that it is not always mandatory for you to lecture me”_

_“Mandatory” Odin snickered “Big word. Did you learn that today?”_

_Thor narrowed his eyes and reached out to flick Odin in the ear._

_“You flicked a king” Odin said “that means retribution”_

_He turned to attempt the same thing and Thor batted his hands away, but the old king did not give up. A battle started between them, one Queen Frigga witnessed when she returned, her daughter by her side._

_“Well, good to know the kingdom is in excellent hands” she said_

_They both turned and smiled, Thor to Frigga, Odin to Hela._

_Thor stood in respect and went to her, ruffling Hela’s hair as she passed to get to her father_

_“Mother” Thor greeted her_

_“Gone under again?” Frigga touched his hair when she reached him “you smell terrible”_

_Thor only grinned and touched his forehead to hers in affection, feeling her hands stroke his arms._

_“How are you, darling?” she asked_

_Thor straightened “Very well, you?”_

_“The stupidity of our nobility makes me hopeless but otherwise, I feel well”_

_Thor took her hand and led her to her place on the dais, nudging Hela off her seat._

_“Off, brat”_

_Hela stuck her tongue out at him but stood to let Frigga take her place, nonetheless. She came to sit on Odin’s throne, perched on the arm_

_“Father” she said “I wanted to ask you something”_

_“And what is that?” Odin asked, taking and kissing the back of her hand_

_“My friends and I wanted to go collect the glowing scales at the edge of Southern Reefs” she said “If we take a guard…”_

_“No” Odin said immediately, sternly, “out of the question”_

_“But…”_

_“It is forbidden” Odin told her “that is far too close to the ledge of Svartalfhiem and I explicitly forbid it”_

_Hela wanted to say more, but one look from Frigga silenced her. She shook her head and stood, then stormed away._

_Odin sighed “Every month she asks for it”_

_“I know, dear” Frigga placed a hand on his arm “she’s just curious”_

_“And clearly on dangerous ground, I do not want anything to happen to her, I don’t do this to be cruel, I do this to keep her safe” Odin said, not liking the thought of Hela being upset with him._

_“She knows, dear” Frigga squeezing his shoulder “It’s why she didn’t argue”_

_“No, she stopped arguing because of the look you shot her” Odin said “you are not that subtle, my dearest”_

_Frigga had the grace to look a little chagrined and Thor stepped back_

_“I – will do speak to her” he offered_

_He made a run for it before his parents got … well, more ‘involved’ in each other like they usually did._

_They didn’t even seem to hear him so he jogged down the halls and deeper into their stunning palace so that he could get to his lost, upset sister._

_It was easy to find Hela once he knew where her hiding spots were and over the years he’d found them one by one._

_She was at the top of the highest tower, sitting at the ledge that kept Asgard hidden from anyone who wanted to have a peek from above._

_The wind from the waves hitting the side of their kingdom blew Thor’s hair and clothes as he climbed up the face of their mountain to get to where his sister was._

_Hela has always been the odd one out. Where everyone was blonde and blue eyed, she was black haired and green eyed. When they were younger, he and Haldor used to call her a witch. She didn’t like it at first but once she got used to her magic, once she controlled it, it became her epithet._

_She took it over, she lived it she embodied it._

_She sat there now, hair flowing in the wind that came from the sea and played with a conjured illusion she’d made in her hands._

_“Aye, I knew I would find you here” Thor came over_

_Hela looked at him and sighed “Go away. I do not wish to talk to you”_

_“Who says I want to talk to you?” Thor asked, coming to sit beside her “I came to enjoy the view”_

_Hela scoffed, but she didn’t get up and leave. She looked out at the waves and the illusion faded from her hands._

_“Why does he get so over protective?” she asked “my friends go there all the time”_

_Thor grimaced “Possibly the likelihood of dark creatures taking you and your friends away, but let’s ignore that”_

_Hela sighed “I am being serious. Nothing had ever happened at the ledge. People go there all the time.”_

_“They’re fortunate” Thor told her “you know, Father wouldn’t ban us if it wasn’t for our own good, you know”_

_“You’ve been there” Hela pointed out_

_“Aye, but I am older and much more stupider than you are” Thor smirked_

_Hela rolled her eyes “I am not a child. I can go there if I want”_

_“You are Father’s child” Thor told her gently “he isn’t saying this to be cruel, Hela, he wants you to be safe, that’s all. You’re his favorite, after all”_

_She didn’t seem convinced. Her mind was bent on going and for most of the day, she sulked around the palace, showing to everyone that she was displeased with this repeated occurrence with her father._

_They tried to ignore the tension at dinner, but Hela was moody, played with her food and left the moment she could._

_Thor exhaled “Father, I think…”_

_“Don’t even think about asking” Odin told him “you know as well as I that she is having a tantrum over something that is out of the question.”_

_“I know, but the dark creatures haven’t surfaced in decades” he said “and people go there all the time”_

_“I am aware” Odin said “they are stupid. It only takes one risk, Thor and I am not about to take that risk with my children. Do not bring this up again”_

_Thor looked at Haldor, the wiser of the two, clearly, shaking his head and rolling his eyes._

_Haldor did not share his sentiment._

_After dinner, Thor and Haldor retired to a living room while Hela dove down to the waters where their rooms where._

_“You shouldn’t question Father” Haldor told Thor “he says this for her own good and the law is there to keep our people safe”_

_Thor exhaled “I am aware. But eventually, the time will come that he will see that there is no danger anymore. The Dark Ones were defeated ages ago, the Accursed has perished. Father is …”_

_“Careful of the man who nearly destroyed our realm?” Haldor finished “you shouldn’t question him”_

_“Perhaps one of us should” Thor said “because Hela clearly does and she has valid points”_

_“If you think on the same lines as a fifteen year old, Thor, then you are going down a wrong path” Haldor said “do not encourage her or discuss this with her. Father and Mother have worked hard to keep us safe, don’t jeopardize it”_

_Thor didn’t bring the subject up again and was quick to leave to go to his rooms, too._

_The waters were blessedly cool and he closed his eyes as he jumped to the lower part of the palace where they shared their home with the creatures of the deep._

_Set firmly into the floor of the mighty sea, Asgard’s palace went lower and lower._

_There were no stairs or pathways, only doors that led to the various floors of the kingdom and the houses that the people had in the city._

_The darkness was broken by bioluminescent algae that grew along the walls and the ceiling and as he passed the halls towards the Royal Suites, he nodded to the staff members and maids who went about with their duties._

_Thor slowed his swim when he passed Hela’s room but her door had vanished – a tactic she learned early on in life when she was upset and didn’t want to be disturbed._

_It was a shock the very first time she did it, now it was something that they were used to. Letting her be for now, he swam on ahead, going to the end of the hallway where his own rooms were._

_He opened the doors and stepped in, then snapped his fingers._

_The water drained from his room under his control, not a drop nor dampness remained as he locked it out of his windows and went to light himself a fire._

_Thor preferred sleeping this way, sleeping in a mix of his world and that that thrived above. Humans were so ingenious, they lacked their magic and power and yet Thor knew that they were one of the fastest growing, most dominant species on the planet._

_He liked their ways._

_Thor pulled back the furs of his bed and fell on it, sighing loudly._

_Unlike the others, he didn’t sleep on a mattress made of kelp. He had a softer bed, the base made of coral and he closed his eyes as he fell on it, ready to sleep._

_To him, Haldor’s chastising was unneeded and frankly, untrained and inexperienced._

_It was also unwanted. Haldor clearly disliked Thor’s ideas for the kingdom. He went with the approach of unquestioning loyalty to Odin. He thought things were fine but Thor knew that it would change as the humans slowly became more advanced._

_But Odin and Haldor had a lot of confidence in their own magic and thought they were indestructible. Thor thought that was wrong but whenever he’d brought it up in the past, it failed to get a positive outcome and they knew it. They knew that they would gang up on him and make him back down because that’s what he did_

_He was getting throne – he didn’t have to argue with them, he could simply change whatever he wanted._

_Thor didn’t know when he ended up falling asleep but he woke when he heard laughter._

_It was odd_

_It was late_

_Who in the seven seas was laughing!?_

_He thought that perhaps it was his imagination or the end of one of his dreams but a bad feeling stirred in his gut._

_Something was wrong_

_Thor sat up and looked to his door, as though he could see through._

_The giggle came again and Thor recognized it._

_Hela_

_Thor got out of bed, let his room get flooded with water and opened the door in time to see a few figures slip down the corner and into another hallway._

_He knew instantly where they were going and rushed after Hela and her friends._

_Thor went back to his room, got his tunic and went after them. The hallway was still filled with water and he used it to silence his approach as he chased after his overly adventurous sister and her friends._

_If she got caught, this would not end well for her._

_He could see them sneak out of one of the massive stained glass windows by moving a panel that he, in his youth, had used to leave._

_Despite his worry, he felt a sense of affection take over._

_His sister at least reminded him of how they were related, unlike Haldor, who pretended they were anyone but brothers. It was a little refreshing to see a little bit of him in Hela._

_He followed them as all her friends swam off with her and slipped out of a side door to get to them before they did anything stupid._

_And by how fast they were swimming, something ‘stupid’ was clearly part of their agenda tonight._

_Thor kept low to the seabed and saw Hela race to the crevice that would lead her to Svartaflhiem’s gates._

_They were farther down, but the crevice was miles wide and danger lurked around, even at the edges._

_He couldn’t risk them._

_By the seas, he sounded like his father._

_Hela was as stubborn as he, clearly, as she kept going, going through the dark waters to the point where it got nearly freezing._

_And suddenly, her mind was filled with doubt and hesitation. The water pricked at her skin and one look at her friends told her they felt the same._

_They slowed down and looked ahead, then at one another._

_“It’s close enough” one of them said “right?”_

_Hela nodded “Aye, let’s go back, this was stupid”_

_She hated that her father was right and vowed never to let him know she had done this. She turned back, only to stop because it was so hard, she didn’t know where to go._

_Her friends moved closer to her, too._

_“Where…where are we?”_

_Soft hissing erupted from behind them and the girls gasped, moving closer while Hela used her magic to put a shield around them._

_Light emanated from the crevice, which was suddenly far too close, red and demonic, then a figure slowly raised itself from within the depths._

_Hela’s friends let out a scream when they saw his face._

_White as death, mottled with a darkness that thrummed like a heartbeat on his skin. His red eyes focused on them._

_No – not them. On Hela._

_Malekith smiled._

_“Is the little golden princess out for a walk?” he rasped_

_His voice was broken, tattered with the dark use of his magic, like scratching on a hard surface. He smiled at her and his magic pricked at her shield._

_“How cute you are” he said “trying to fight me off. I don’t think you can”_

_Hela growled and kept her shield up, using more magic when he started to break through it._

_“Let us leave” she said “and you will not have my father’s wrath upon you”_

_“Your father!?” Malekith bellowed, making her friends cower and shriek when it reached a horrifying pitch._

_Malekith smiled then and relaxed, the rage on his face leaving as suddenly as it had appeared._

_“Your father will regret everything” he purred “put the shield down and your friends can leave”_

_“No” Hela hissed “you will back down now, demon”_

_“Such arrogance” Malekith said “fits the daughter of a war monger King. Your father is a liar and a thief.”_

_“You will not speak ill of the house of Odin!” Hela snapped at him “retreat, creature!”_

_“I will do as I please, these are my lands you have trespassed on” Malekith’s magic started to break through hers again “have respect”_

_Hela watched it crack through the shield and tried to keep it up, still but he was too strong. Far too strong._

_She needed something stronger than this!_

_A yell filled the darkness and she looked up to see Thor launch himself at Malekith and tackle him down, taking the surrounding darkness of his magic with him_

_“Hela, go, now!” Thor yelled at her_

_Hela turned and took her friends, running away._

_Malekith, who was stunned, snarled and grabbed Thor by the throat as he got up, watching him kick in his grasp._

_“Do you have any idea of what you have done!?” Malekith’s voice boomed “I will tear you to shreds!”_

_Thor choked, pushing at his wrist but with the magic he possessed, it was nearly impossible. His grip was too tight and the darkness was swirling around them now, black and angry._

_He hit him but his hits never landed and Malekith laughed as he started to squeeze his throat._

_“You won’t escape”_

_Thor slowly began to see black at the edges of his vision and fought, but it was slowly turning darker and darker._

_An orb of gold erupted from the side and hit Malekith with such force that he was thrown off Thor and back into the crevice._

_Thor gasped, coughing for air as he looked to where he went, then behind him._

_He immediately wished he hadn’t_

_Odin stood there, his face stony and cold. Rage so powerful came from him that Thor lowered his gaze, not daring to speak._

_Odin’s hand was shaking and he glared at him._

_“Get up” he snarled_

_Thor got up and with his head bowed, followed his father back home._

_***_

_Thor’s head turned to the side from the hit and he pressed his lips together tight in anger to keep from saying anything._

_“You’re a greedy, vain, cruel boy!” Odin snarled at him “putting your sister in danger for nothing!”_

_Hela stood behind Odin, a hand over her mouth, watching Thor take the punishment for what she had done last night._

_“I am ashamed!” Odin glared at him “Ashamed that you are my son out of everyone in this realm, that I was given you as a child!”_

_Thor didn’t speak. He would say things far crueler than this._

_“You are put yourself, Hela and her friends in danger by not listening to me, you have no honor and no shame!”_

_His voice echoed in the hall of the throne room, Frigga stood at the side, not saying anything, not defending him._

_For once, she didn’t defend him._

_“You are forbidden from ever leaving this palace, you will not!” Odin barked “understand?!”_

_Thor slowly looked back at him, his eyes glowed for a moment, but he nodded “Yes”_

_“Yes…what?” Odin rasped_

_“Yes, my King” Thor forced out_

_“Good” Odin hissed “Now get out of my sight!”_

_Thor was glad to_

_He turned to go but stopped short, feeling himself and the water grow numbingly cold._

_Malekith dropped the guard who he held up by the throat, letting his body crumple to his feet. Behind Thor, Frigga went to pull Hela behind her and Odin shielded them both._

_“How dare you trespass?” Odin hissed “Guards!”_

_“There are no guards” Malekith floated in._

_Floated, because his feet weren’t visible at all under the black, swirling, writhing magic that held him up._

_“You are all alone” he said, smiling as he advanced._

_Thor retreated, mostly to stay in front of his family and Malekith smirked._

_“You and your children have broken the peace between us” Malekith looked at Odin “you know the penalty”_

_“I do” Odin hissed “take what you want from the treasury and take your leave”_

_“Nay” Malekith purred_

_His magic whipped at Thor and Thor stepped further back till all of them were at Odin’s throne, with Thor protecting them._

_“State what you want from where you are” Thor told him “we will give it to you”_

_Malekith’s red eyes looked to him and he smiled “What I want, will be taken from you, regardless of whether you wish to give it or not”_

_The doors and windows to the room vanished, trapping them inside and not letting anyone come in to help._

_“This is madness!” Odin gathered a spell in his hands “cease this and you will be allowed to leave unharmed”_

_“I hardly think you all can do anything to me” Malekith smirked “but I will leave – if your son asks for forgiveness”_

_Thor felt himself grow tense and wanted nothing more than to punch this beast._

_“He came to my territory and attacked me.” Malekith stayed where he was, looking up at them, the very picture of submission_

_But that was all it was_

_They all knew who was stronger here_

_“I believe I am owed that” Malekith looked at Laufey “I will leave”_

_Odin knew what this was. It was a play of power, a humiliation just for them to know about and remember for the rest of their lives._

_Thor would remember it and knowing him, it would kill him inside, which was likely why Malekith was asking this._

_Thor exhaled “Aye. I will apologize”_

_“Properly” Malekith stepped back “from here”_

_Thor grit his jaw and walked down the steps till he was face to face with this demon. He could feel his magic all over and around him, it was making it hard to breathe._

_“King Malekith” Thor grit out “I ask for ….”_

_“No, no” Malekith said “you beg for it”_

_Even Odin clenched his hands at that but Thor took a deep breath_

_He exhaled and nodded_

_“I beg you for your forgiveness” he told him “for the stupid, impulsive thing I did to offend you. I assure you, it will never happen again. Please accept my apology”_

_He looked up at him and tensed when he saw the nearly horrifying smile upon Malekith’s face._

_“I do not accept”_

_Thor’s body went cold and he stepped back but it was too late._

_A flash of magic snapped from Malekith’s fingers, attaching itself to Thor’s arm, making him cry out._

_He batted at it, moving back, trying to get it off as it started to go around his arm, wrapping tightly, like a vine of thorns, digging into his skin and making him yell in pain_

_“Thor!”_

_He lost his footing, his knees buckled and he fell to the floor, writhing and finally screaming as pain erupted all around him_

_“Hela, no, don’t touch him!”_

_Another scream filled the air and Thor felt Hela’s form fall over his, heard Malekith’s demented laughter and Odin and Frigga screaming…_

“Are you done yet?”

Loki looked to the door when Thor’s sharp voice broke through the story and rolled his eyes.

“I am on limited time now” he leaned on the door, watching the two of them.

“We were talking” Haldor said “Have a little respect”

“Have you not heard, dearest brother?” Thor sneered, “I do not have any”

“I agree, I think you two need to leave” Loki told him bluntly “I do not want you here”

“Aye, we can see that” Haldor ignored the nasty little smile Thor threw towards him “But we have a problem.”

“And what might that be?” Loki grit his jaw

“”You know my secret” Thor smirked “We cannot have you telling people”

Loki tensed and for the first time, his anger gave way to a very realistic worry that these two might kill him.

“Relax, we won’t hurt you” Haldor placated “He’s being an asshole, it’s engrained into his system. We just want you to remain in contact with us and want to make sure you won’t tell anyone”

“You think anyone will believe me if I start talking about you lot?” Loki asked “no one will. So leave me alone”

“Afraid I cannot do that, Guppy” Thor told him “If you know and I am sure this little snitch or the Sea Pig who spies on us will have told my father about it and he will not take kindly to this”

“You father?” Loki asked “what do you mean he will not take kindly to it?”

“He will try to silence you in a way that has proved very popular and effective over the years” Thor walked in “he will kill you”

Loki stiffened and studied his body language – he seemed relaxed but honestly, he couldn’t be too careful about this anymore.

“And what?” Loki asked “you wish to keep me safe from that end?”

“I do, to an extent” Thor told him “I also want to make sure you will not blow the whistle on this entire thing and tell some very nasty people about me”

“As though I enjoy talking about you” Loki glared, getting to his feet “Get out of my home, both of you”

He moved aside to just – put space between them.

His chest hurt, under all that anger, he was so damn wounded.

“I can’t leave you alone” Thor took Loki’s vacated seat “you are in no state to be on your own”

Loki scoffed, “Oh, and you care? After throwing me in the river to drown?”

“Actually, I thought I had transferred the curse to you, which should have worked, since you claimed to be in love with me” Thor told him “but it’s sad how that worked out”

Loki truly wanted to hit him with something and Haldor saw that intent.

“What he means” Haldor gave Thor a nasty look “Is that we managed to get into a situation where we are all stuck together”

“I didn’t get into any situation, you dragged me into it” Loki told him “and any time I spent around him is time I would rather use a cheese grater against my forehead”

Haldor let that pass and ignored how Thor chuckled at him.

“Just…give us a chance” he said “we will just check up on you, nothing else.”

“Do I have a choice?” Loki asked “If I tell you no, will you cease this?”

Haldor pressed his lips together

“Exactly” Loki turned away “Now, you have made this as unpleasant as possible, so I ask you again, to leave, right now. I am tired of your presence, both of you”

Thor sighed, pushed his chair back and stood “I’ll see you later, Guppy”

“Don’t look forward to it” Loki told him “now get back into your sea, little snake”

Thor’s expression flashed his pain before he hardened it. He turned and left without another word and Haldor exhaled

“I’m sorry about him, he …”

“I do not care” Loki crossed his arms over his chest “Leave right now”

Haldor relented. Loki had a lot happening around him so he stood and slowly went to the door to give him some space.

He stopped outside and turned again to face him

“If you …”

Loki snapped the door shut, locking it inside securely, then turned the lights off.

Haldor nodded, stepped back and slowly made his way home.

His brother had truly, truly ruined this

Inside, Loki waited till they had left before he rested his back against the door and looked at his empty apartment, all alone.

His eyes watered and he slowly sunk to the floor, hugged his knees to his chest – and lowered his head into his arms.

***

Leah saw Loki looking withdrawn as she sat in the breakroom. He was gaunt, looked tired and there was definite redness around his eyes as he read the newspaper.

Or rather, he pretended to read it.

His eyes were looking at it, not moving and he was clearly lost in his thought since the sad little sandwich he brought for lunch was held loosely in his fingers.

There was a stark difference in him today and when she saw him last. He looked upset, frail and just…lost. He looked like he would break at a single touch.

It was, in her opinion, time to invite him to the wedding.

She stood, gathered her notebook and pen and came to sit next to him.

“Good day, Loki” she smiled

Loki blinked a few times, shaken out of his self-pitying reverie and managed to acknowledge that someone was talking to him. His cheeks flushed and he cleared his throat, putting the newspaper aside.

“Forgive me” he said “I was lost in thought, hello, Leah”

Looking at her was another dagger into his chest. This was painful, she was living in the house he’d been in, engaged to the man he had wed.

And here she was, smiling like that didn’t matter.

“It’s quite alright, I was just coming to ask you for your address. I told Fari to get it but I think he’s a little busy” she winced

Oh there was definitely sadness in his eyes.

“Would you?”

She extended her book and pen to him, which Loki stared at for a few seconds. Then he realized it was for an invitation to the wedding.

“Oh” he said softly, taking it automatically “Of course”

He took it and wrote down the address, barely thinking. He then crossed it out, realizing he’d written the one he’d been writing for seven years – her address

She tried not to smile too much.

Loki gave her his new one and smiled

“Congratulations” he told her “you must be very excited. Have you planned everything?”

“Hardly” Leah huffed “there’s so much to do. I can’t really imagine how anyone does this without a planner”

She stuffed the notebook into her purse and turned back to him.

“Remember to keep it simple if Thor ever pops the question to you” she joked

His face became pained for a second, then he looked away and laughed softly, self deprecating, because he was so stupid.

“Uh…” he said “we broke up”

Leah looked at him slowly, only barely keeping the glee off her face, she turned it to concern as best she could

“Oh God, Loki, no…” she said “what happened?”

Loki shrugged “We were not compatible.”

It hurt, so deeply, so cruelly, saying it was like grabbing his own throat and squeezing as hard as he could. He couldn’t think it much less say it.

“Was it the youth?” she scoffed “It’s always that, the young ones have their heads lost up their arses”

“Yes, youth” Loki sat back

“You deserve someone who is at your mental level, darling” Leah said “I know a few guys, if you are ever in the market”

Loki’s lips curved into a smile at that “Thank you, but I think I will stay off the dating game for a little while”

“Shame” Leah pouted “you’re such a good man, you know”

Inside, she couldn’t wait to tell her friends about this.

“Thank you” Loki grimaced “I’ll keep your offer in mind”

“Please do” Leah said

“Hey”

They looked up as Amora came over with a large brown bag of food.

“Scoot, princess” she told Leah “I wish to talk to this dickhead”

Leah blinked, then let out a squeak when Amora set the bags on the table in front of her and made no secret of the fact that she would sit on her if she didn’t move. She staggered off the chair and Amora took her place, leaving her standing awkwardly for a few seconds, then huffing around and leaving.

Loki gave his best friend a soft laugh “You could have bashed her in the back of the head you know”

“Too filthy” Amora pulled out Chinese food out and set it in front of them “Besides there is nothing in there to bash out”

Loki smiled and looked at the food

“You didn’t have to do this, you know” he said

“I did” Amora said “you haven’t eaten in days, you look dead, Loki”

“I’m alright” Loki shrugged “but thank you”

Amora smiled, handed him chopsticks and pushed what he liked towards him.

“Did you get any sleep or did you spend the night crying over him again?” she asked

“The latter” Loki took a bite of his noodles “it’s shockingly easy to do, you know”

Amora hummed “Let me stay over tonight again. We can watch movies and eat till we pass out”

“You know we both have jobs” Loki stole a little from another box “and we are not eight years old”

“We can be if you want” Amora told him “so there. Try this”

She offered him her box and he took a little, then made a face. It was too bland for his taste

“I don’t know how you can like that” he commented

“Well, I didn’t have to make it” Amora said “that’s why. And not everyone is an amazing chef like you are”

Loki snorted “Hardly”

He did appreciate the gesture and he offered Amora to come to dinner at his place.

“I’ll make that lasagna you like” Loki told her, digging in for the last of his food “But you have to get the garlic bread”

“I think that is a good enough deal” Amora said “now tell me what the hell Princess Prick wanted”

Loki snorted “Say it louder, I don’t think she heard you”

Amora rolled her eyes “I cannot stand her. What did she want?”

“To invite me to the wedding” Loki said “she wanted my address”

He finished up and crushed the empty boxes, then threw them in the bin.

“Did you give it to her?” Amora asked

“I gave it to her, I don’t have to go” Loki went to wash his hands

“Yes but this is a petty little thing she’s started, where she will gloat when you don’t show up” Amora said “then mention it here, in the office”

“Let her” Loki lifted a shoulder in a shrug “I have other things to worry about, anyway”

Like whether or not Thor would ruin his night with Amora.

“Well, at least you have grown, I have not” she stated “so if she starts something, I will end it”

“You will get fired” Loki dried his hands and came back “but thank you”

He picked up his newspaper again

“So, seven, my place?” he asked

“I would love that” Amora pinched his cheek “now go get to work”

Loki smiled, thanked her again and made his way back into his little office. He had another stack of realtors that wanted him to write for them and he was happy to.

He put on a little music and started to write her column, letting his mind wander. He imagined what he wrote and kept to it, not thinking about Thor or how many nights he’d cried in his lonely bed after him.

He loved him – and it hurt so much, so damn much.

He’d broken his heart.

Loki didn’t think he would ever recover from this.

He just wanted to go through one day at a time, nothing else. And in his opinion, it would be better for him if Thor wasn’t in contact with him.

But he was, as the brothers said either one or the other checked in and Loki laughed at his ability to stay in full contact with the men who had broken him. It was really something, he had to say.

The minutes ticked by as he finished above his quota for the day and then some. It was just easier to work than wallow, anyway.

By the time, he was done, he’d written the articles for the next two days and sat back, spent. Even his head felt heavier. The prospect of going home to cook suddenly seemed unappealing, but he would do it, he owed it to himself to enjoy life a little.

Even if it was on a tight budget.

Loki turned off his computer, took his things and made his exit before anyone could really stop him. He didn’t have the patience for it.

He took the stairs instead of the elevator to avoid people, and went down to the parking. It was empty and he preferred it that way. His footsteps echoed in the basement and he went to his car, eager to get home.

He was thinking about where to buy what he needed to and where it would cost less.

Likely nowhere, everything was so expensive.

He ran a hand through his hair, unlocked his car and got in, driving out of his office a few minutes later.

And he was watched by a pair of malicious eyes.

Slowly, the expensive car began following Loki’s, going after him to see where Odinson’s precious human lived. He followed him to a small grocery store, then back to the apartments.

They were small complexes by the Thames and he watched him turn into the parking

They were nice enough, a huge red brick building with a long pathway that led to the Thames. He parked his car aside and got out, wanting to see if he could find out where the human lived.

Pathetic, sad little thing.

He went into the parking and saw Loki struggling to take everything out.

Immediately, he went to help

“Oh, watch it!”

He smiled

Loki turned in surprise when someone grabbed his falling carton of milk and stared when he saw Kit, out of everyone, right there.

“Oh, hello” he said, a little bit uncertain “what…”

“Am I doing here?” Malekith smirked “I’m looking for an apartment around here. I didn’t know this was your home”

“Right” Loki said “but yes, I do live here”

He steadied himself with his shopping and plucked the carton from Malekith’s elegant fingers.

“Thank you, I guess I will see you around if you move here. Kit, is it?” Loki asked, unsure of his name, he knew it was a strange one

“Yes, Kit” Malekith stepped back.

He watched him leave and noted which door he went through

It wouldn’t take him long to have him, the man was reeking of heartbreak and pain.

He laughed, got into his vehicle and headed out. He knew the Odinson would never be able to break the spell, time would run out and he would be the animal he turned into forever.

And Asgard would be his.

He left Loki behind and Loki let himself into his apartment, starting on the sad little dinner he was making to help himself feel better.

Amora was a blessing

He’d just started to boil water when someone knocked on the door and he looked at the clock. He frowned, wondering why she was so early.

But she might as well be, Loki didn’t have anything interesting to do, anyway. He lowered the flame and went to the door to let her in, only to freeze when he saw Thor standing there.

His heart hurt, his entire chest hurt just looking at him and he closed the door a little, leaving only the barest space and the clear indication that he didn’t want Thor in here

“Yes?” he asked, trying to keep his voice cold

“Who was that man in the parking lot?” Thor demanded

For a second, Loki’s mind was blank, then he furrowed his brow as he realized what he was talking about

This was why he was here – the interrogate him and make sure he didn’t tell anyone.

The pain was so harsh it was like nails raking the inside of his chest.

“An acquaintance” Loki told him

“What’s his name?” Thor asked “What did he want?”

“Nothing that concerns you” Loki said through his pain “You can leave.”

“Not till you tell me what you were talking about” Thor hissed “did you tell him about me?”

“I have no intention of talking to him about some asshole from my past, he was an acquaintance, nothing more” Loki growled “Good night”

He snapped the door closed and locked it.

He was sure Thor would knock again, but when he didn’t, he didn’t know if he should be sad or relieved.

It was, pathetically, the former he felt.

He grit his jaw and turned to go back to his tiny kitchen and start to cook.

Thor didn’t knock – he didn’t return

All he did was hurt Loki’s already wounded heart. His entire body hurt now, there was a migraine throbbing in the back of his temples and he downed an Advil and some water.

He wasn’t going to cry

He wasn’t going to cry, he told himself

And yet, tears quietly spilled down his cheeks as he cooked. He wiped them in anger, hoping Amora didn’t know, but they, and his reddened eyes, betrayed him the moment she walked in.

“Oh, darling” she whispered, setting her things aside “come here”

She closed the door behind her and wrapped her arms around him, holding him close. Loki lowered his head on her shoulder and though he didn’t start outright bawling like he wanted to, his eyes were still damp and tears spilled from them.

Amora got him a drink once he was calmer and that helped him more than he could say. They had dinner in front of the TV and then after Loki lay draped on his couch, watching some stupid show while Amora sat on the floor, having the pastries she’d brought.

“Oh this one is good” she held it out to Loki “eat it”

Loki took it from her hand and put the entire thing in his mouth, making her give him a mildly horrified look.

“Now I know why you were so popular in school” Amora said

Loki smiled and shoved her with his foot. He couldn’t say anything so he just had the pastry as ungracefully as he could.

“Alright, the telly is clearly done with us” she got to her feet “I am going to bed”

“You can stay” Loki said “it’s late anyway and I don’t want you driving”

“Is it?” she looked at her watch “oh damn, look at that”

She snickered and fell back down

“Ah well” she said “better than home”

Loki urged her to sit on the couch and then put his legs in her lap. She put a pillow over them and offered him another pastry, which he graciously took.

“You’re taking the couch” Loki told her “it folds out, so it’s good enough”

She sighed “Fine. Arse”

Loki smiled and moved to lay on his side and pick up the remote.

He changed to a horror movie and felt Amora lay across his back like she usually did.

“Can’t we just pull it out now?” she complained

“But that would require moving” Loki told her “do you really want to?”

“It would be more comfortable” she pointed out

“Fine” Loki grunted

He paused the movie and got up to deal with his diva friend. They pulled the bed out, Loki got a thinner mattress he always put on it, then the sheets and pillows and soon they were both relaxing in it.

“See, isn’t this better?”

“Very” Loki droned “can we watch the movie?”

“Wait”

She got up and left.

Loki sighed and waited, looking at his ceiling. He could hear her moving about, take a shower, then come back, smelling of his deodorant and toothpaste

He frowned “Did you take my toothbrush?”

“No, I always bring a spare” she told him “now we are relaxed”

Loki hummed and they began to watch the film again. It felt nice, he had to admit, having her here felt very nice. He felt easy and lighter than he had felt all day.

He owed her a lot

She had gone out of her way to make him feel better and he appreciated it.

However, since both of them had gotten up early, they had to sleep at a reasonable time. Loki wished her good night and then went to have his own shower and dress in his own clothes.

Once he was in bed, he sighed, looking at the empty spot beside him

A vision came to him, of Thor’s handsome face smiling at him, the morning light shining behind him from the window, over his sexy under cut, the lean muscles. He saw that scar on his lip and the most stunning blue eyes he’d ever seen.

He saw himself, reaching out to touch his cheek, see that smile that made his heart get all out of sorts.

He could feel the stubble under his palm, the prickle of his undercut sting at his fingertips. He could feel the kiss Thor gave to the inside of his wrist and his rumbling, gentle voice, slurred in the morning

_Morning, Guppy_

Those words, that presence and the beautiful image of Thor in front of him was so pure and perfect it almost made him smile.

Loki’s hand dropped on the cool, untouched side of his bed.

There was no Thor there, only the darkness of his room. Only heartache and regret and pain, nothing else.

Slowly, his eyes watered and tears spilled soundlessly as he squeezed them shut.

He curled into a ball, hugged himself tightly and waited to go to sleep.


	8. Safe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I have been through two major heart breaks back to back" Loki said "I thought too much and felt too much. Will you help me with a night of unbridled passion or will you reject me?"
> 
> Either way, Loki didn't think he could sink lower.

The morning brightness was usually stinging every day he walked out to his car. It prickled at his face and seemed to want to punish him for being so pale and gaunt the past few weeks.

He knew it was for the better but Thor’s absence was making it hard for him to even see a lick of happiness as the days passed. He found no pleasure in food or drink anymore.

He’d only go out when Amora pulled him out of the house and for the last two days, she was taking a well deserved vacation.

Which meant, Loki was worse off than he told her he was whenever she checked on him. He gave her laughs and smiles but inside, he was rotten and sick.

And it didn’t help that work was a constant influx of Svadilfari and Leah, the latter chatting non stop about her wedding to the most perfect man in existence.

It was just another dagger in his chest.

He hated going to work, more so today because it was raining. The air was muggy, the ground was filled with puddles and it helped Loki’s pity party way too much.

He went to his car, his bag held over his head but cussed when he saw the front tyre flat

“No!” Loki groaned

He was already late for work! He didn’t have a spare and walking would be a bitch! He stood there, miserable angry and distraught when the honk of a car made him look up

“Hoy!” Malekith called from an open window “Need a lift?”

Loki was blank for a second, not realizing who it was and when he did, he weighed his options in his head. Walk in this blasted rain or get a nice warm ride from a man he only slightly distrusted.

But then again trusting men didn’t get him anything.

“I would be grateful” Loki bent to look at him “it won’t be out of the way?”

“Nonsense” Malekith smiled “Hop in”

He unlocked the car and Loki hesitated only for a second before he climbed in, happy to be out of the rain

“Thank you,” Loki said, holding his back in his lap “you didn’t have to”

“What are neighbors for?” Malekith nodded “Or…building neighbors, I would say. I stay in the flats behind yours”

“Ah, the expensive ones” Loki smiled “Well, then I _am_ lucky.”

Malekith laughed “Possibly. So, where to?”

“The Daily Times” Loki said “I work there”

He didn’t know why he felt a strange feeling in his chest at the thought of him knowing where he worked. Yet, he’d told him and Malekith smiled, graciously driving on ahead.

They missed the glowing blue eyes that followed them as Thor watched from the distance.

Acquaintance, indeed. No one took rides from an acquaintance. He didn’t know who that man was but he was certain he was not good news. He growled to himself and turned to go back

He didn’t know why he came to check on Loki

But it was like something inside him kept insisting he do it.

In the car with Kit, Loki kept his gaze politely out of the window. At least until Malekith cleared his throat

“Would you mind if I turn the radio on?” he asked “there’s a match going on, I wish to hear it”

Loki turned to him, then smirked “Did you steal this car?”

Malekith blinked “Pardon?”

“Is this car stolen?”

“No, of course not”

“It’s yours?” Loki asked

“Yes”

“Then do as your please” he grinned

Malekith laughed softly and shook his head, turning the radio on. The match started to play and Loki relaxed since there was no pressure of talking and keeping up with conversation

Malekith in turn, studied him.

There was sadness and heart break emanating from him. His eyes were proof of it

He only barely listened to the match as they drove ahead and slowed down when they reached Loki’s office.

“Thank you so much” Loki smiled at him “I don’t know how to thank you”

“Have dinner with me” Malekith said

Loki blinked at him in surprise “Pardon?”

Malekith smiled slowly “Just…of course you are free to slam the door in my face but, I would love to take you to dinner sometime”

Loki’s denial was on his lips, he didn’t want to go out with anyone, he didn’t want to be with anyone, his heart was only just mending.

But for some reason, he didn’t say it, he didn’t word his thoughts, his lips curved into a small smile and he exhaled

“I will think about it”

“That’s a maybe” Malekith grinned “I will take it. Thank you, Loki”

“Thank you for driving me” Loki told him “Good day”

He slid out of the car and closed the door, keeping his bag over his head as he jogged to his building to get out of the rain. Once at the steps and safe in the veranda, he waved at Malekith, who returned the gesture and drove off, leaving Loki to head into work.

Loki let out a deep sigh, turned and walked into his offices and let the day begin again

***

It was likely a punishment from the gods themselves that everyone had gotten their wedding invites – including Loki

They were all chattering about it and Loki groaned when he saw his resting neatly on his table

He huffed, took it and threw it in the trash

She had his address – if she wanted to, she would mail him the invite.

He set his things down and turned his computer on, closed the door to his little office to make sure he didn’t hear anything and picked up his list of assignments.

There was a new building opening up and it wanted someone to cover all the apartments, one by one. It was a big commission and Loki grinned at the fat paycheck he would receive.

It was already exciting.

He sat down and started to work – enjoying it for the first time in weeks. His fingers flew over the keyboard and he tapped on it, writing a few lines before someone knocked on his door.

He turned to see one of the assistants open the door to lean in

“Hey” she said “the boss wants to talk to you”

Loki felt himself groan inwardly.

Great

His high deflated pretty quickly and he got to his feet, trudging after her in no graceful way, to see what the boss wanted from him.

His boss had always been a kind man with a kind smile. And he was no different now, standing to greet Loki as he approached

“Ah, Loki” he said “do sit down and try not to look so glum. It is not bad news.”

That seemed to relax Loki some and he did as he asked, taking the seat in front of his desk

“How can I help you, sir?” Loki asked

Well, I am sure by now you have seen the latest project that the Jotunhiem Heights complex wants you to cover” his boss smiled “What I wanted to tell you in person was that they wanted you to live there for the entirety of your writing. By their calculation, it will take about a month. They wish for you to stay in the apartment and experience what it is like. Would that be something you could agree to do?”

Loki couldn’t believe this opportunity – they were going to pay him to live in luxury for an entire month!

His heart was already racing

“Yes” Loki smiled “God, yes. I wouldn’t give it up”

“Excellent”

It was clear his boss was relieved about this.

“You can move next week” he said “the building you will stay in is almost fully vacated, your apartment will be furnished and…well, guess you struck lucky”

He handed him a file with the forms and documents and Loki eagerly took it.

This was a highly luxurious apartment building, he had seen billboards of it around the city.

And oh, he would need the boost his career would get out of it, too.

He was delighted, he was so elated that nothing, not even Svadilfari’s impending nuptials could ruin his day. He hadn’t been this happy in weeks!

He took the forms to his office and sat down again, starting to read through them rather than type. A big fat commission, a once in a life time chance, it seemed that the stars could get something right every now and then.

His day practically flew by and not even Leah could ruin his mood.

When he left, he was all but floating on the ground. His day had gotten so much better, shifting from a gloomy, rainy one to one where the sun was out and the skies were the brightest blue he’d ever seen

He made his way back home, taking a cab all the way back instead of walking

Maybe he could save up enough to leave again for a little bit…after his assignment was done, of course.

He could see the city in a brighter color and he texted Amora to let her know what just happened. If possible, he would hitch her along with him for the month

She would surely love it.

His apartment seemed less lonely as he walked to it, opened the door and let himself in before he flopped onto the couch

His face hurt a bit from smiling but he didn’t care right now.

Right now, he was in his high and he didn’t intend to come off it.

Loki might have fallen asleep, he might have not but the next thing he became aware of was the smell of food, from his kitchen

For a second, he was confused, then he was alarmed

He sat up and looked to the kitchen, feeling his stomach clench in pain when he saw Thor casually cooking on his stovetop.

His head spun at the sight of him, he was torn between begging him to stay and holding onto the angry instinct that told him to leave

He listened to the latter

Loki got up and went to the kitchen

“What the hell are you doing here?” he demanded “Get out of my house!”

“Who was the man you drove to work with?” Thor asked “Is he a friend?”

“It is none of your business” Loki rasped “I told you to leave”

“But I’m cooking” Thor smiled at him “You can’t throw me out when I am making you dinner”

Loki snarled and walked over, turning off his stove

“Out” he hissed “right now, get out!”

Thor looked at him and smiled “You’re really worked up about a simple question, aren’t you?”

Loki wanted to cry when he felt rage fill his body. His ears turned red, his eyes glimmered and Thor’s smirk seemed to make him snap

That beautiful set of lips, set in a mocking aura, angered Loki further and he pulled back and punched him so hard, Thor was thrown back against the counter

“You think you are being funny?” Loki snarled “You are the absolute worst! I have never met a man I have hated as much as I hate you!”

His hands were shaking with his anger

His voice was shaking as well. He had never felt this way, not even with Svadilfari. He wanted to hit Thor again, he wanted to cause him the pain he'd caused Loki with his callousness. He'd manipulated him into falling in love with him and then he'd broken that trust, that life, that love with one cruel push into the waters. He'd shattered it further when he came here to demand answers about things that were not his business. He came here, to ask about what Loki was doing, as though it was his right.

It was not his right, he'd lost all right to be around him, to be in his life, to be anywhere near him with what he'd done.

And Loki had enough

He was at the end of a rope he'd already stretched too thin. He was on the precipice of a breakdown where he was unsure of his end. He stepped back then, tried to take a breath enough to calm himself down. At least enough to get Thor out of his house and his life for good.

Thor groaned as he sat up and touched his bleeding nose. He looked at the blood on his hand, dripping slowly down his fingers and a much larger spill that ran down his face.

He had the audacity to look shocked.

"I told you to leave" Loki hissed, his eyes almost drowning in tears "So leave before I call the police. Get out, leave me alone and never dare to set foot in this place, do not come near me, never speak to me. Leave, you disgusting, vile _serpent_!"

His voice broke at the end of his sentence and that made Thor slowly come down from wherever his mind was. Slowly, he too, got to his feet and looked down at Loki, his gaze scrutinizing for the first time, not mocking.

For a moment, Loki thought that Thor would say something to him, but it was a blessing that he only grit his jaw and walked around Loki to leave the apartment. Loki didn't need to turn, the hard rough scoff and the resounding bang of his door closing was enough to tell Loki that he was gone.

Hopefully, he told his trembling hands and his aching heart, he wouldn't come here to hurt him again. When he was certain that Thor had left and wouldn't return, he slowly sat down in a chair and put a hand over his eyes.

Never had he felt this much pain in his heart - not even with Svadilfari. This was so cruel and so deep that he was worried it would never leave.

It made him get off his chair, eventually, and look at the rice and chicken that Thor had been making. His sympathy and affection long gone, pushed up and Loki exhaled. He knew there was no good in it and that he'd just punched him in the face, but he missed Thor.

He wanted him back as much as he hated him. It was a cruelty he pushed upon himself. He should let him go for good. He wanted to.

Loki took a deep breath and started to cook, leaving his mind to think of anything but Thor, finishing the food he'd made so he could salvage what was left of this night.

His high from earlier was already fading away, thanks to him.

***

It was a bad decision from the start, he knew, but the drive to think less and less about Thor and more about others was driving him to this.

That, and the fact that when he'd come downstairs after dinner to fix his tyre, he saw it was already changed. He knew exactly who had done this. He knew it would be a bribe, an exchange of goods for a favour, a chance to get his head out of whatever limbo Thor had put it in. He could find the courage to escape Thor for good, if nothing else. And he knew from only the first half hour of their meeting that Malekith and him would have little to nothing in common. It was also very clear that Kit was more interested in him than he was. He tried his best to impersonate what he believed was a partner Loki would like. He was sauve, smiling and smooth.

He was trying too hard.

Loki was only pushed farther and farther away from him. Of course his mind was biased. He was still thinking about Thor, unconsciously comparing him to Kit.

There was no doubt that Kit was handsome but Thor had been a god compared to him. He was something else. And he didn't eat like he was afraid of the food. Kit did.

However, he watched Loki in a way that was disconcerting for him, and he noticed that Loki was not paying attention to him.

"Is anything the matter?"

Loki blinked himself out of a reverie he would later deny being in and then flushed a little.

"Oh, forgive me"

"Am I that boring?" Malekith laughed "Or have I done something to offend?"

Loki blinked out of his thoughts and stared at him for a few seconds before he realized that he had been caught in his absence of mind.

"Oh" he cleared his throat "No, sorry, I was thinking about something else entirely. I didn't mean to ignore

you"

He didn't tell him that he was borderline bored and that he'd agreed to this because of ill intentions. He had no real reason to be with him, anyway.

"Clearly" Kit looked at him "How about you share some of your thoughts?"

Loki laughed, a little bit self conscious "I hardly believe them to be worth thinking about, much less, tell you. Let's keep to pleasant subjects."

"If you wish"

Loki gave him another smile and fixed his attention on his food to wait for the awkward moment between them to pass. It was still lingering over them.

"I was asking about your work unrelated to your job" Malekith said "what do you do in your spare time? Projects, perhaps? Maybe art?"

"Art?" Loki laughed softly "I can't paint. I could, passably, in college, but that was the hieght of it. I never progressed. I do like reading and collecting books, however. In my travels, I used to get many, many of them"

"What kind of books do you like to read?" Malekith asked "Perhaps I could take you to a library some time?"

"Oh, all of them" Loki said "And I prefer bookstores. There is just something appealing about them, something libraries do not have. Libraries are monoliths of order and silence. In a bookstore, there's more life, more stories, more authors, waiting for you to read them. I especially love second hand bookstores because they have books that many people have read through. Some have notes from previous readers and reading those is fascination, too. I, at least, enjoy the smart comments written down"

"What about the not so smart comments?" Malekith asked

Loki grimaced "Those I judge."

Malekith's lips curved into a smile and Loki studied him once more. He was handsome and part of him wondered what that dark, beautiful skin would look like in his bed.

But his heart banished the thought nearly instantly. There was no chance of him embarrassing himself further.

Or should he?

It wouldn't hurt to try, it wouldn't hurt if he rejected him

Loki didn't know, but he tabled the thought in his head already.

"You are a true poet at heart" Malekith told him "your words speak for themselves. I looked for your articles in the latest newspapers and found myself seeing the houses you were talking about. You have a control that appeals to your readers. It's very interesting.

"Well, thank you" Loki's smile was a little bit warmer now "Kit"

"Malekith" he waved his hand "That's my real name, remember?"

It was a mercy that he looked at his food and not Loki's suddenly sticken face.

Malekith

How the hell had that slipped his mind!?

This was Malekith, it was him! Right here, the man from the story Halvor told him. His heart began to race and he looked at his food, put his hands on the table a little more carfully than before and he thought. He couldn't let him see his reaction and he had time only till he looked at him again, to school his thoughts.

He had to tell Thor! He had to...

Loki frowned then, looking at his plate

Why was he thinking about telling Thor when it was clear that Thor had never cared? Why should Loki care? Why should he go running to him, to tell him that the man who cursed him was now trying to use Loki to get to Thor?

He knew that was the motive, there was nothing else that could explain it. The coincidence was too much. It was too much of a chance to have three mer creatures after him.

Loki fixed his expression and calmed himself before he gave Malekith a smile again.

"Ah, of course" he said "how silly of me"

He didn't let him suspect that he knew what his name implied or that he knew what he was. To them, he was no one, just another man with an unsual name.

He took his glass and had a long swig of it before he set it down again. He knew Thor was watching him, he knew Malekith wanted to use him.

An evil, spiteful part of him surfaced and he un-tabled his previous thought.

"How about we pack this up?" he asked "Take it to my apartment?"

Malekith, who was mid bite, looked up at him.

For a few seconds, he blinked at him in surprise, completely taken aback.

He'd sensed no chemistry between them and was imagining himself trying to win Loki over another way, so this was out of the blue and very, very strange.

"Pardon?" he asked

"I have been through two major heart breaks back to back" Loki said "I thought too much and felt too much. Will you help me with a night of unbridled passion or will you reject me?"

Either way, Loki didn't think he could sink lower.

But the thought of Thor watching, then realizing who Loki slept with would be a vicious, cruel blow to him. And in Loki's opinion he deserved it. It was a spur of the moment, very stupid decision, but at this time, Loki didn't care.

He wanted to hurt Thor, he wanted him to feel pain, humiliation and if this impulsive, stupid plan would get him that, he would do it happily.

And by the looks of Malekith's smile, he was on to him. He knew what Loki was doing. So he sat back, studied him and then raised hand to signal a waiter over.

He told him to get their bill and to pack it for them.

They had more business to attend.

For now, they were allied, both of them with a very familiar goal.

And neither cared that the other was using him.

Excitment went through Loki as he finished another glass of drink - he told himself he was looking forward to this now.

His hands shook a little as they left the restaurant, his knees felt weaker with every street they crossed in Malekith's car.

Loki silenced his doubt, he worked on spite and anger, he worked on his hatred for Thor and nothing else.

He was with the only man brave enough to hurt Thor.

He would learn from him and return he would get to see Thor's face after he found out who slept with him and who was in bed with him, the very position Thor had before he destroyed everything between them, likely forever.

Once their car ride was over, Loki found himself a little tipsy and he found two familiar eyes watching from the waters in the distance. He felt bold, happy and he took Malekith's hand, leading him into the complex, leaving Thor behind.

Soon, he would be far from here, in Jotunhiem Heights and Thor wouldn't be able to get to him, at least for a month.

Hopefully, by then, he would get another hobby and leave him alone.

Malekith knew what Loki was doing - it wasn't a secret. He let himself be led into the building, holding Loki's hand in his own and turned to give Thor a smile

He knew where he was - it was no secret because of how his eyes were glowing

He gave him a salute as they went in and closed the door behind them.

Thor frowned as he watched. There was something familiar about that man but right now, his mind couldn't grasp it.

He didn't care about where he'd seen that man, only that Loki was taking him upstairs to his bed to have sex with him.

That thought, the idea, all of it, hurt him so much, Thor growled under the waters, rippling it with his breath.

He realized then that he didn't want to lose Loki, not to him, not to anyone else. At the heels of that thought came another one - he himself had pushed Loki away. He was the one who had all but tossed him into the arms of this man - this familiar stranger.

Thor growled again and resisted the urge to leap out of the water and expose himself. He wanted to stop Loki from doing this. Even if Loki hated him, he didn't want him to do this, he had lost him, but he wanted him back.

He was unreasonable and stupid and selfish, but that was what he wanted. He grit his jaw and looked up when he saw Loki's window light up when he turned his lights on.

He turned away and swam into deeper waters, helpless.

If he didn't, he would do something very stupid. He had done too much damage, he couldn't go back, he couldn't get Loki, he couldn't

He couldn't.

***

The sun lit his room dimly the next morning and Loki turned to his side to see if Malekith was with him, even now.

His lips curved into a little grimace when he saw him asleep. Great.

The sex had been - very bland.

It was like pasta with unseasoned sauce.

Loki hated it but since he'd gotten it, he'd had to finish. No real pleasure in having it.

He pushed his covers off and got up to go and start breakfast. He went to have a shower, dressed and walked out, hearing Malekith wake up behind him, too.

He knew Thor had seen, he'd done what he'd wanted and now he wanted Malekith out of his house before his hangover receded and his self loathing hit him with all its force.

He had done a stupid thing last night. He'd made Thor see it, too.

He went to the kitchen and heard Malekith use his bathroom. He knew he was dangerous, a creature of the deep, like Thor, so he wanted to never consort with him again. He didn't want him around anymore - he'd served his purpose.

Loki started on some tea for both of them - at least as a little courtesy. He couldn't kick him out as soon as he wanted, anyway.

Malekith's footsteps made him look up and Loki saw his own disappointment in his eyes before Malekith hid it for the benefit of his trickery.

Too bad, Loki told himself. He wouldn't get anything more from him.

"Good morning" Loki said "had a nice sleep?"

"When I was allowed to sleep" Malekith put an arm around him and kissed his cheek

Loki saw it as needless over compensation.

They had done it once and Malekith fell asleep immediately - there was nothing to embelish this.

"Well, that is great" Loki slid him some tea over "drink, please"

Then he could be on his way.

He didn't say that out loud, however. He made himself a small breakfast and sat with him in the dead silence of the kitchen, which accompanied the sad little tyrst he'd had - and would never repeat.

"I had a good time last night" Malekith lied.

Loki smiled, happy to lie back "It was interesting, indeed."

"We should do it again"

Never

"Of course" Loki brought his tea to his lips "if work permits"

It would never permit, if Loki could help it.

God, he was so damn stupid. Why did he even think this was worth it? He didn't want Malekith's interest to rise in him, no he wanted it to fade away and never return.

"Of course" Malekith agreed.

He would have to get Thor out of the waters to meet him - he knew now that he'd seen him it would happen, so losing Loki wouldn't be too much of an inconvenience. It was already clear that Loki wasn't crucial to him.

He finished his tea and stood to take his leave.

He had to get to Thor and make sure he didn't find a way to break this curse.

He still needed to get into Asgard and find the old king and his family.

His own plans still needed tending to, no matter what his current ones were.

Loki wished him well at the door, waving at him before he snapped the door closed and locked it. He heaved a sigh of relief at the departure of the awkwardness and then closed his eyes, leaning back against the door.

He'd done what he'd wanted, he'd gotten a shot in, in hurting Thor.

Then why wasn't he feeling as elated as he thought he would? Why did he have a hint of sadness in his heart, even now?

It was likely the affection and love he still held for Thor - the sickening feeling of wanting him back despite his actions.

He hated him.

But he loved him a small percentage more.

Glad that it was the weekend and he had all the time in the world, today, Loki went to make himself a large, luxurious breakfast and sat in front of the television to watch the worst of British TV.

He needed the mindless garbage to silence the doubts that came with his actions last night. He didn't want to feel regret, he wanted to feel victorious. But, alas, it was the last thing he would feel. He could thank his damn sentiment for that.

Loki had the drapes closed, the house locked and himself curled under a blanket, happy to be alone. He could feast in peace.

In his hands was an unhealthy breakfast, he was alone and at the moment he liked it.

He'd gone to the kitchen to put his things away to wash later when his door was knocked upon. His stomach sunk at the thought of Malekith coming back and he groaned inwardly at the idea.

He didn't want to entertain him and surely, he knew now that Loki was not valuable anymore than he had been last night.

He tightened the front of his robes and went to the door with the most unwelcome mindset he could possess. He undid the lock, opened the door and froze when he saw Thor standing outside in front of him, his entire body tired.

Loki's heart soared in elation but he made himself pull it back down, made himself halt and pull himself back before he leapt at him.

It was a sad thing that he had to remind himself of how Thor had betrayed him.

It proved enough for him to push the door closed until he felt safer in his presence

"What the hell do you want?" Loki demanded "I told you to leave me alone"

Thor grit his jaw and looked at him, almost snarling in response. But he forced himself to stay calm, to be aloof, but he couldn't

Not after seeing Loki move on, he couldn't be aloof and cruel anymore. Even if he was angry, he realized he was more emotionally involved than he'd previously realized.

"I wanted to speak with you" he told Loki

"No" Loki snapped "I have nothing to say to you and I am sure there is nothing you could say that i would like, either. We are through"

He made to close the door but Thor put a hand against it lightly, looking at him in something that was very close to pleading.

"Please" he said "just five minutes"

Loki didn't know why, by all means he should slam the door closed and leave him out there, but his voice, his presence so close, his stunning beautiful eyes, they stopped him. They stopped him from pushing him away.

However, they didn't let Thor in, either.

"You can speak from there" Loki said "Say what you want"

"Who was that man you brought here with you?" Thor asked "last night"

Loki didn't know what he was expecting, but this was not it. He didn't expect him to question about the man even if he wanted him to.

So in his anger, Loki smirked and looked at him "Oh him"

He opened the door a little further, just enough that Thor saw him in his robe and he smiled.

"Did you think he was familiar?" he asked

Thor tensed. Loki saw the trepidation in his eyes as well, he was worried about what Loki was going to tell him.

"Yes" Thor said "why? Who was he?"

Loki let out a mirthless, heartless laugh. It cracked between them full of hostility, pain and anger.

"I believe his name was Malekith" he sobered up "Know him?"

He had the pleasure of seeing Thor's face turn white in shock and he saw him actually stumble back from there he was standing, listening closely to Loki's answer in hurting him.

And it hurt. More than Thor had ever thought it would, it hurt.

"What?"

His voice was a whisper, soft and powerless in the face of the pain Loki was now inflicting on him.

_Oh, how the tables have turned_ , Loki wanted to say.

But he was crueler, far more than he should have been, but he was past the point of caring. It was too late, anyway. The blow had been struck, Thor had been wounded and Loki was pulled into this without even fully consenting to his own plan.

But then again, Thor would have found out eventually, since he was spying on him.

And that brought out another vicious side of him.

"I do not think I stuttered" Loki said "His name was Malekith. He was nice, handsome, sweet and a gentleman, more than you would ever be or are."

It was strange, still, that Thor's pain was hurting Loki, too.

He saw it in the flash of his blue eyes and felt it in the sharp hiss of breath that Thor took.

"You knew who he was?" Thor asked "Before you brought him here?"

Loki smirked again, cruel and cold.

He leaned over and studied Thor for a few long seconds before he once more hurt him.

"Why do you think I slept with him?" Loki asked "He was very clear about who he was and I was very open to being with a man who would actually satisfy me in ways you could never."

A lie, it was a lie and they both knew it. But at the moment, Loki only cared about hurting Thor.

And he'd landed a hard and painful shot.

Thor's lips tightened and Loki saw the pain in his eyes, looking at him as though he'd stabbed him.

He might as well have.

Thor did the same to him.

It was effective and he knew it.

"I see" Thor's gaze lowered to the ground "So this is it?"

"What did you expect?" Loki asked "That I would pine after you for so long?"

"No" Thor shook his head and stepped further away from him "I didn't expect that. I just never thought you hated me so much as to sleep with the man who had ruined my life. To knowingly be with someone who had done this to me"

"You threw me off into a river to die" Loki rasped, his voice so cold and hard it surprised even himself "Did you think you had a right to expect something different from me? You are dead to me, Odinson. You are nothing. I have never hated anyone as much as I hate you and I never will. It gives me pleasure to hurt you. So get out. I do not want you here. I do not need your company. Leave me alone"

He snapped he door shut - he locked it.

Then he stood behind it, a hand over his mouth, his eyes wide in shock.

What was he saying!?

Outside, Thor nodded slowly and turned away so he could leave and inside, Loki heard his footsteps recede. He put a hand on his head and slowly sunk into the nearest seat.

He couldn't believe he'd just said those things. The rage inside him had felt like a fire, burning him from the inside out, he'd felt nothing but it.

Now, now he was shocked at his own words, at his own cruelty.

Regardless of whether or not Thor had deserved it, he'd been so cruel!

This was not who he was.

Loki sighed again.

Perhaps this little 'move' was coming at a good time. Because this vile person, spewing hatred was not who he was.

Or was he?

He suddenly felt very unsure about himself and what he was going to do now.

But he hoped, at least, that it was the last he'd seen of Thor.

He'd wanted to move on and now he should, no matter how it had ended between them.

***

The apartments given to him were fully furnished and practically royal. They were decorated in the modern style of contrasting shades of grey, white and red.

He had his bags and boxes of things and stared at it while Amora went in with a high pitched squeal of delight

“This is bloody incredible!” she said “Oh my God, never leave this place”

Loki snorted “You know that’s not how it works, right?”

“I don’t care!”

She went to the massive kitchen, looked at the electric stoves, the beautiful counters, all of it.

“These are like a dream” she gasped “Oh, Loki, I am so jealous”

“Well, don’t be” Loki set his laptop down “You’re living here with me”

She spun around in a dramatic swing of her hair and her eyes wide

“Shut up” she gasped “No way!”

“You didn’t think I would live in this empty building all by myself, did you?” Loki snickered “I asked for a pass for you, as well. They were happy to oblige”

“Loki!”

She let out a screech and ran to him, jumping into his arms and hugging him tightly as he caught her

“You asshole!” she kissed all over his face “Thank you!”

Loki laughed “Alright, alright, don’t leave lipstick stains all over my face, please”

“You can wash them off” Amora laughed, slowly pulling away “Oh, I can’t wait to live here!”

“Wait till you get to choose the staff that comes to clean and help around” Loki pulled his bags to the bedroom “go pick a room, I get the master”

Amora let out a squeal of delight and vanished into one of three rooms this apartment had. To her, this was heaven!

Loki put his things down and waited for her to walk out so they could get some grocery shopping done. This place wasn’t stocked, after all.

“So where are we headed?” Amora asked, looping her arm with his

She was all cuddles and affections now, Loki almost snickered

“Well, I was thinking there’s a store not far from here, I was thinking we get some supplies and head back to lay in the lap of luxury” he said

“Yes, till you have to go back to work” Amora snorted

“Ah of course” Loki said “But I have to write about every apartment in this place and there are so many.”

“Ugh, why did you get this and all I get are murder stories?” Amora asked

“You have murder stories?” Loki said “again?”

“Yes” Amora made a face “they knew how much I detested them last time, they gave them to me again”

Loki snorted “I do not envy you”

A few staff members walked past them and Loki saw them look at him as they crossed each other

All of them, not one missed the opportunity to stare at him and he felt strange.

He shook his head, got rid of the memories and then went to his car with Amora. He showed them his pass when they exited and then drove them to a grocery store so they could get whatever they needed.

“I am going to move out of that apartment” Loki told her “I don’t want to live there anymore and with this paycheck, I think I can”

“Oh good, I never liked the smell of Thames” Amora said “it always felt stale and ….wet”

Loki snorted “It’s because, my dear, it is by the damn river”

Amora smacked him on the arm.

“You’re an idiot”

“I am?” Loki asked “you are the woman who’s calling a river wet and stale. What else is it supposed to be?”

“Flowing and lovely and blue” Amora said

“In poetry only, madam” Loki took a turn and went with traffic “real life is brown and a muddy green”

Amora snorted “You’re cynical”

“Or wise” Loki offered “But let us see how far it takes me. If I can get a big fat commission I will be a happy man”

“Then I think you should start smiling” Amora told him “you’re getting that commission. Move out of that apartment and closer to mine. That way I can leech off you properly.”

“Of course, that’s what it is all about anyway” Loki smiled

Amora turned the music on in his car and for the rest of their short journey they listened to it, talking occasionally of what they would have to buy there.

Once they reached there, Amora left Loki with the list she’d texted him in his phone and went to check out a few things she needed.

Loki went to the grocery section and started to buy whatever he needed for the two of them.

He was engaged in his phone so he didn’t notice Malekith coming from the other side of the aisle, smiling.

“Ah, I was wondering where I would run into you”

Loki barely concealed the grimace that pulled from him but managed to smile at him, still.

“Ah, Kit” he beamed “How nice to see you”

“You didn’t call me back” Malekith smiled, leaning on the edge of his cart a little “I was heart broken”

“Hardly” Loki laughed dryly “I am sure you have your fair share of lovers lined up”

“Oh dear, what a compliment” Malekith straightened when Loki pushed his cart ahead “What if I told you that I had no interest in them, that I desire someone else?”

“Then I would tell you that I feel sorry for the thwarted ones” Loki picked up a box of cereal Amora had written down “but also feel for the one you desire”

“Very aptly put” Malekith smiled, walking with him “how come you thwarted me? I rather enjoyed our time together. You were very passionate beneath the sheets”

Loki blushed a little, hoping he would be quiet.

“Hardly, you give me too much credit”

“Not at all, the only thing I wonder about is who you were thinking of when you were with me” Malekith smirked “It was certainly not me”

Loki stopped and looked at him, his face turning a brighter red “I have no idea what you mean”

“Truly?” he asked “Oh, come now, Loki, we are both grown. You can be honest”

Loki looked away from him “Kit, I … don’t be silly”

He was unprepared with the way Malekith grabbed his jaw and made him look back, just as he was unprepared for the way his eyes glowed with magic

“Don’t you lie to me” Malekith hissed “we both know the truth. Your Odinson will pay for what he’s done and you…”

His grip tightened and Loki suddenly, couldn’t move away. His body wasn’t in his own control, it wasn’t his anymore and a flash of fear shot through him, unfiltered.

He couldn’t move!

“You will help me whether you like it or not” Malekith smiled “let’s go. Turn about and come with me”

He let him go and Loki felt himself drop his phone in the cart turn about and leave with him

His mind screamed at him to stop, his eyes glistened with tears but his body went with Malekith

It was no longer his.

***

Thor was laying back on the couch, trying to go as deep into it as he possibly could. It was still day out, he was exhausted and should sleep but he couldn’t

He’d do it in the river, if nothing else.

It had been a miserable two weeks for him. He’d hated it all and he knew it was because of what Loki said and did.

He would never forget his face, he’d never forget what he looked like when he’d spewed those venomous words at him, never forget how angry and hateful his expression was.

Thor had his fair share of hateful lovers but something about Loki just…killed him

He hadn’t left his apartment in days, only to transform, then he’d come back. He’d watched his TV and done little else

Halvor tried to tell him to get out of the house but Thor seemed very content with where he was.

He had no inclination to move.

He looked up when the door opened and Haldor walked in with bags of groceries for them

He stopped and looked at the messy lounge

“You couldn’t have cleaned up?”

Thor shrugged “What’s the point when it will get filthy again?”

Haldor sighed “Aye, that’s true”

He went to put everything away, knowing Thor was going through heartbreak

“How’s the family?” Thor asked

Haldor stopped, then looked at him “How did you know I went there?”

“You have seaweed stuck in your hair” Thor said “it’s all crispy now”

Haldor reached up to pick it off and sighed “Well, that defeated all purpose of secrecy”

“What were you doing at home?” Thor asked

Haldor hesitated, he didn’t want to tell him, he didn’t wish to do this to him, despite how much Thor hated him. They had just gotten on better grounds, he didn’t want to lose it.

“Well”

He walked back to him, remorse on his face but he knew he had to tell him, now or later, it didn’t matter.

Eventually he had to

“Father” he cleared his throat “He announced that I am to inherit the crown”

His chest suddenly tightened when he saw Thor’s expression, saw the pain that flashed before his eyes before Thor concealed it with his indifference.

Thor laughed and smirked “I can’t say I didn’t see this coming”

“Thor…” Haldor began “I won’t…”

“I think I might need a walk” Thor got up “I won’t be back till tomorrow”

He bowed to him, low and disrespectful

“Highness”

“Thor, I didn’t want this to happen, I didn’t …” Haldor began

“It is alright” Thor picked up his phone and walked to the door “fare well”

He walked out, concealing his pain well enough. Or at least he thought he did – but his stomach burned with pain and his chest hurt.

This wasn’t fair.

He didn’t want to lose his kingship.

He didn’t

As he headed downstairs, a man climbed upstairs, one that was strangely familiar, but he couldn’t immediately place him

At least not till he looked up at him, recognized him and looked relieved

“Thor” Svadilfari said “Thank God I found the right one”

Thor frowned at him “What’s going on?”

Why the hell would Loki’s ex be looking for him?

“Loki’s missing” Svadilfari said “he vanished three days ago, no one can find him”

Thor felt his chest compress, he felt his stomach sink, and he could hear something in his head, something hard and cruel.

Panic, he realized

It was panic

There was a sound in his head and he didn’t realize till then that it was the barrier of his stupidity breaking and letting in the common sense that he’d been denying himself for so long.

The very thought of him losing Loki, to never see him even if he hated him, was crippling, he couldn’t breathe, his hands shook as he looked at this man, Svadilfari, as though his words were untrue.

“Did you hear me, man?” Svadilfari frowned

Thor nodded and swallowed heavily “Aye, I did. Fuck”

He had to actively bring himself back to the present and drag himself from the fear of never seeing Loki again, and exhaled to ground himself

“Where was he last seen?” he asked

“With his friend, Amora, in a grocery store near the new apartment he took” Svadilfari said “she called me in panic and we have been searching but…we honestly thought he went to you”

“No, no, he wouldn’t” Thor went downstairs with him “Have you contacted the police?”

“I have” Svadilfari said “just now, then I came to see if he was here”

Thor walked with him, going downstairs

He knew who had taken him, he just needed to get to him

“I’ll go check in a few places we frequented, you keep looking elsewhere, we will find him” Thor said

“I think it would be better if we stuck together” Svadilfari opened the door to the building they were in to leave “I’m Svadilfari, by the way”

“I am aware” Thor told him, pushing his hands in his pockets “Loki mentioned you”

“Likely in the worst possible way” Svadilfari winced “Not that I deserve better”

“No, he was rather biased” Thor said “in the other direction that you are thinking. Sad, mostly”

Then Thor had gone around and made it worse.

God, everyone was right – he was stupid.

So stupid…

“Where do you think he went?” Svadilfari asked

“Likely the last place where we were happy” Thor frowned “The edge of Thames, it was where things turned bad”

“Oh” Svadilfari grimaced “you too, aye?”

“Aye”

There was a few seconds’ silence, as though Svadilfari expected him to elaborate but when he didn’t he just cleared his throat to move past it.

“Hasn’t had it easy, has he?” Svadilfari asked

“Not at all” Thor replied “Makes me think of another reason he might be missing”

“What?” Svadilfari frowned

“He jumped into the river” Thor looked at him

Svadilfari staggered to a halt, his face nearly grey in shock. His eyes widened and he shook his head

“That…it can’t be” he whispered

Thor grimaced, hating himself for being this stupid and then turned. He hadn’t meant to destroy his spirit, only to get him to leave him for a little while

“No, of course not” he amended quickly “I was just thinking out loud”

Svadilfari swallowed heavily “He wouldn’t kill himself…would he?”

“I do not think so” Thor said “I misspoke, I guess I was being an arse”

He turned around and walked on and Svadilfari followed

“He wasn’t in a happy place” Svadilfari said

“He’s a strong, good man” Thor almost rolled his eyes “he can handle himself, I shouldn’t have said it and worried you.”

He didn’t know he would get this worried.

Svadilfari hummed at that and kept following

“What is your plan?”

“We split up and look” Thor pulled his phone out “Give me your number”

Svadilfari quickly told him and felt a little better

“Search in the other side of town” Thor said “I will keep you updated, go, time is important”

That, was an understatement

“Of course” Svadilfari said “thank you”

Thor only nodded, happy to see him jog off

Once he did, Thor ran

His face was pale and he ran through the streets, shoving people aside as he went for the water

He was in limited time, he needed to get to Loki and he needed to get to him now before it was too late

He didn’t want what he said to Svadilfari to be true

He didn’t want Loki to die.

Thames was suddenly miles away and people watched, shocked, as Thor took a running leap when he finally reached it and dove over the railing into the freezing waters below to vanish within them

Some of them cried out and came to see, looking over the railing, calling for help

But Thor didn’t pay them heed.

He was racing through the waters, going as fast as he could, going to the man who he owed an apology of a lifetime to

***

He was starving

No energy was within him anymore, nothing

He stared at the waters before him, desperate to get at a chance to escape

Anything but this hell here, anything.

He didn’t know where he was or how he got here

Only that he was alone and trapped in a cave without a way out

There was only freezing water, some of which he’d drank in desperation. There was no food, no company. He was hungry, alone and losing his mind

He was going to die here and no one would ever know it.

Malekith had brought him here, he knew that much, but why, he didn’t know, for how long, he didn’t know either

Only that it was part of some sick game that Loki had willingly stepped into.

This was his fault, he knew it

In the depths of his breakdown, when he had been crying for help, uselessly, alone, he had realized that in a bid to hurt Thor for what he did, he’d trapped himself here

The darkness swirled with him, they were like oily black tendrils that were slowly choking the life from him, tightening around his throat, cutting the breath he took just a little every time. His body burned with the exhaustion of trying to keep him alive and his head burned with the pain of being denied sustenance and being left here, all by himself, alone and starved, for days.

Or was it weeks, Loki didn't know anymore. All he knew and all he felt was the pain in his entire body, felt it losing its fight to live.

It was a slow and cruel battle where he felt every part of himself slowly drift into nothing after its defeat. His head was constantly hurting and he'd lost his desire or ability to move sometime this day. He'd either gone to sleep or he'd passed out, he didn't know. But he knew that sooner or later, it would be over, that the last of his stuttering breath would leave his lips and it would be over.

He was on his back, looking at the water being reflected above him on the caverns around him, deep in the darkness of it.

This was how he was going to die.

All by himself, heartbroken, betrayed and devastated.

A single tear slipped down the side of his face as he lay there, over his cold skin, into his hair.

He was so cold now, so freezing. He had his warm clothes but he was no longer warm so they were not either. There was no place to be warm in these caves, just the freezing water and him.

No life, nothing to keep him sane

In his moment of frenzy eariler, he wanted his mother. He wanted a different life, where he wasn't left by himself, all alone, he wanted a normal family, he wanted parents, perhaps siblings, someone who would miss him right now, someone other than exes who has broken his heart and betrayed him.

He wanted to go back in time and stop himself from hitting Svadilfari, stop himself from so much, because if he hadn't done that, perhaps he wouldn't be dying here alone. Maybe he would have a family, someone who loved him and came to him whenever he was upset, made him feel important in their lives.

Loki took a shuddering breath and watched mist appear before him, escaping his chapped lips

That hadn't happened so far so he just assumed that it was a sign that it was getting colder than it had been before.

It wouldn't be long now.

His end was probably closer than he imagined.

He didn't know if he should be relieved or sad, but either way, if it ended his suffering, his starvation, he was glad about it.

Maybe he would be happier if he was no longer here.

His eyes closed again, either of his violation or just because he was exhausted, and he fell asleep.

Water sloshed to his side hours later and he slowly opened his eyes again and frowned when he saw someone over him, looking down at him

Whoever it was, spoke, droplets of water fell on his face, but he couldn't recognize who it was. Only that they reminded him of the sun

Warm hands grasped his face and Loki's eyes fell shut again.

It was a dream, definitely, nothing else. No one knew where he was, no one knew what to do to find him.

This was just another hallucination to add to the desperately conjured ones that he'd seen when he was panicking and screaming for help.

However, warmth came to him this time and though he should have seen who it was, he chose to sleep again. It was just so much easier to do that.

He wanted to sleep and he wanted to forget he existed

Maybe if he tried hard enough, it would come true.

The void of desperation and fear seemed to have filled further with despair so he couldn't realize that this time was different.

Only that he was completely and utterly alone in this world and that was how he was going to die as well.

Or so he thought.

The warmth that he felt only started to grow stronger. He felt it, but once more, he assumed it was a hallucination, a dream that his mind conjured up to cope with the devastation of knowing how he was dying slowly and painfully.

He didn't want to move away, even when he felt cacooned in it, he didnt want to open his eyes to see it vanish. He wanted it to be real and his mind was helping him do that.

Loki didn't have any idea of where he truly was and for the moment it was likely best for him. Because he was in the arms of the man who had broken his heart, being carried out of the caverns and through the path he'd taken once before, so long ago.

In St. Furjosa, in the middle of the day, Thor walked out the caverns at the base of the old, ancient kingdom of Asgard, where Loki had been trapped for five straight days. No food, no water, only fear and torment.

He would kill Malekith for this, he knew it. Once this was over, he would kill him.

Malekith had laughed and called his little act ‘poetic’, to have Loki die where Thor found him and trapped him in his little game, now Malekith would do the same. Crueler, but much the same as Thor.

Just like Thor used him to try and save himself, Malekith would use him to get what he wanted.

And Thor had betrayed something huge for this chance at saving Loki.

Loki was freezing cold to the touch and a few people stared at them openly as Thor carried him out to the waiting medics, the ambulance he'd called quickly opening to take Loki inside.

They were shocked at receiving the call of a man trapped inside this tourist spot, in a place they couldn't even get access to. Yet this local had saved him - again.

Twice he'd been saved by the same man.

Loki was quickly put into the ambulance and taken away, so that he could be saved from a fate they all thought was certain.

And Thor fell to his knees, watching them drive away

His hand held a promise, one made to Malekith in return for giving him the location of where he'd placed Loki to suffer.

It had been a cruel game but one, that, for now, Malekith had won.

For now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AN UPDATE?
> 
> My health issues are slow to fix and I thought I needed a break. As if I have not been taking then before. LOL. Again, sorry for the delays, I am working on it


	9. Tortured

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki slowly opened his eyes and looked at the closed drapes of his taken room, laying there silently, listening to the crashing waves and the gulls that flew outside, somewhere.  
> He could also feel the warmth of the duvet upon him and smell the scent of breakfast being cooked downstairs.

Loki woke to warmth.

For the first time in a very long time, he woke to comfort and the presence of sunlight, a glowing hue of it in the room he was in. There was something beeping beside him, there was something else clicking softly. When he opened his eyes slowly, he realized that he was in a hospital room with a warm sheet covering him and the scent of hospital food waiting beside him

But all Loki saw was a room that was devoid of anything human or relative as he was of hope. The white walls once more mocked him, similar, somehow, and severely mocking.

His body was tired, his spirit was tired, he himself was tired. Just utterly exhausted. He felt stupid and miserable as well.

He couldn't believe he'd almost died over petty revenge. He would never be able to move away from it.

Actually, now that he thought about it, he never thought he would ever be able to move anyway. His body was so stiff and everything hurt. Even breathing hurt.

His head felt empty and numb, his eyes stung. For the longest time, he had trouble figuring out how he got here, how he got out of that damned hell

Then he remembered the bright, sun kissed hair and blue eyes. He groaned out loud.

Thor had saved him.

He'd been saved by the very man he'd hurt so viciously, the man who had hurt him as well.

Wonderful.

On top of his physical injuries he would have to deal with the humiliation, too.

It was definitely the cherry on top of a fantastic year for him, truly.

Loki sat up and grimaced when his spine protested

And only when he did, did he see the blonde head resting on the bed as he man it belonged to slept in a chair beside him.

For a second, his heart faltered, thinking that this was a figment of his imagination, but there he was, Thor, laying his head next to him in the bed like Loki mattered.

And somehow, Loki didn't feel as angry as he had been before. He was, definitely still angry, just not as much, he guessed.

The mind numbing rage he had felt seemed to have let go of him and he could breathe without feeling like his entire spirit was ablaze.

Something had definitely changed in the time he'd spent in that cold hell. There was no bitterness left, no guilt, no hatred, none of it remained. All he felt was the bone deep exhaustion that came from being himself, the exhaustion he'd carried for years.

He felt liberated from the pain that had haunted him for the past weeks. Now there was embarrassment and perhaps a little apprehension - where was he and how was he going to get home, some resentment and most definitely a sense of gratitude that hadn't been there before at all.

Likely temporary but still there.

Slowly, hesitantly, he reached out and touched Thor's hair, almost gasping at the soft prickle of his cut nip at the tips of his fingers.

He'd forgotten how good it had felt to him, how much he’d liked doing this before things went to hell. Before Thor hurt him so cruelly.

Loki didn’t know why he still missed him just as much as he did know.

He loved him, still, despite the rage and anger and betrayal, he loved him

He didn’t know what he was thinking, but that sentiment never left him.

It hurt no less, but he could find himself living with the pain.

His fingers slowly woke Thor from his slumber and he looked at him for a few lazy, sleepy seconds before he gasped and sat up

“You’re awake!”

Loki pulled his hand back and closed off right out of instinct

“Yes” he said “sorry to disappoint”

Loki saw the flash of hurt cross Thor’s face before he hid it and looked down.

“I would never be disappointed about something like this” he said quietly “I know you are angry, but please don’t think that”

“Forgive me” Loki said nastily “the fact that you shoved me off a bridge was a little confusing”

Thor didn’t look up and Loki crossed his arms, looking away.

There was a tense, hard silence between them, a trance they were both caught in, at least for the next few minutes

But then Thor’s hand lightly grasped Loki’s ankle to make him look at him and he returned his glare with a pained expression in his own eyes.

“I’m sorry” Thor whispered “I know it…it can’t begin to express it, Loki, but I am sorry”

He bit his lip and shook his head

“Everyone told me it was a bad idea, that I was going down a wrong path but…I didn’t listen” he went on “and now, now I have lost something I will never get back”

Loki didn’t reply, he looked at him, still tense, still angry

“I have nothing to justify my actions, nor what I said” Thor said “but I will do whatever you ask of me to make it up to you, I swear to you”

Loki hummed and shrugged, looking to the side once more just so he could not see Thor anymore

He feared he would forgive him.

“Please”

Thor stroked his ankle lightly

“Please look at me” he whispered “with anything other than hatred”

Loki closed his eyes, felt the prickle behind his lids at that pleading voice, that pain filled begging. He inhaled deeply and released it slowly.

He had to be calm.

Thor felt no such calm – he felt an agonizing desperation clawing at the inside of his mind, he wanted to hold on to Loki and never let go.

He wanted Loki to say something, he wanted so desperately to earn his forgiveness

But Loki didn’t look at him

He didn’t say a word and Thor nodded, slowly pulling his hand off he bed

“I’ll go” he said quietly “you are in…in Fujosa again. If you need anything to return home, I will help, distantly, of course”

No reply, no acknowledgement and Thor felt like he deserved this. He pulled his lips inwards and got to his feet before he slowly went to the door, trying not to let the pain in his chest spread throughout his system.

Yet it already was.

He pushed the knob down and opened the door…

“Wait”

Thor’s heart stopped and he turned around to see Loki looking at him, his eyes still angry but…not as much as they had been the last time he saw him

“I will need a place to stay in while I recover” Loki told him

Thor’s heart sped up a little and he nodded “Of course. I will find a place for you”

Away from himself, he added, for sure

He walked out and closed the door behind him, feeling a tad bit less depressed as he did so.

***

It was the food that woke him.

Loki slowly opened his eyes and looked at the closed drapes of his taken room, laying there silently, listening to the crashing waves and the gulls that flew outside, somewhere.

He could also feel the warmth of the duvet upon him and smell the scent of breakfast being cooked downstairs.

He’d been here for three days now and had perhaps seen his host once during that time.

Thor kept to himself, slept during the day and vanished after sun down

They didn’t speak, they didn’t look at one another.

Both of them were just waiting for Loki to get better so he could get out of here and never return.

Sometimes, Loki thought he heard Thor talking to someone on the phone but he never paid attention. This civility was awkward and odd but not unpleasant.

If nothing else, it kept him from doing stupid things like Loki always did

Loki was a very stupid man no matter how anyone tried to put it. Stupid and emotional.

He wanted Thor’s arms around him, he wanted Thor to lay beside him

He wanted to forgive him

But in his heart he knew it wouldn’t be right for him. He just needed to forget him and move on, he didn’t want more of his heart to be broken.

He was sure there was more of that once he got back home.

The clanking in the kitchen slowed and Loki forced himself to get out of bed. He had to wash up and spend the day doing nothing.

He wanted to go home.

Thor was giving him his home – his real home – to live in and Loki had to admit that it was beautiful.

It was a nice classically beautiful home, three bedrooms and a nice little lawn behind it.

It was in the rich part of the city so Loki had no doubts about much Thor was capable of lying.

It was part of the reason he didn’t want to get close to him again

The house was rich, but there were no personal touches to it. No pictures, no scattered clothing. For all its amenities, it looked and felt like a hotel

It felt empty, devoid of emotion and soul.

Loki looked upon it as a kindred spirit.

The walls were white, decorated in generic paintings, the shelves and tables too clean, everything was too precise

Predictable and lovely.

But so, so empty.

He didn’t feel any warmth from the vases or other décor around, the only room that looked alive was the kitchen and that was only because Thor left such a huge mess in it every time he cooked.

Loki was barefoot as he went downstairs and saw Thor opening the fridge to take out a carton of orange juice

He poured it into a glass for Loki and then carefully put it on a coaster

Loki stood at the kitchen door, arms crossed, looking at him.

He didn’t say anything, he just watched him do this mundane task, suddenly mesmerized by him.

Thor had his back to him as he fried Loki’s toast in butter

“You know you are terrible at sneaking around” he said “I could hear you thumping down the stairs”

Loki felt no joy, no desire to laugh.

Truthfully, he wanted to talk to him but he knew it would sour an already strained environment.

“That was a joke” Thor looked back at him and smiled

And God, that was the most painful smiles Loki had ever seen.

He looked at the floor again and Thor went back to cooking

“I guess it fell flat, considering where it came from”

“Does it surprise you?” Loki spoke “that I do not wish to speak to you?”

Silence, at least for a few seconds.

Then Thor sighed

“No” he said eventually “It does not”

He flipped the toast over, his shoulders slumped a little and Loki rolled his eyes.

“What?” he asked, getting irritated

This was why he didn’t wish to talk or see him, he just ignited something horrible in him. It _made_ him horrible.

“Nothing” Thor said silently “just…my own stupid thoughts”

“If you say so” Loki said

Silence once more

Thor finished his breakfast and put it on the table before quietly taking his leave

He went through the back door just so he wouldn’t have to pass Loki and Loki cussed softly.

He needed to leave, not Thor.

Loki went to pick up the phone and called Amora

They had spoken over the last two days and she felt better once she knew he was alright. He leaned on the counter as he dialed her number.

He wanted to go back already

He put the phone to his ear and sighed when it went to voice mail, again irritated.

“Hello” he sighed “I need you to get me a plane back, the doctors said I can return home. Thank you”

He hung up and massaged his temples before he came to sit at the table again

He felt heavy and rotten in his heart, he felt so…sick. Sick of all this, of the warring feelings inside him.

He didn’t want Thor to leave but he also wanted to be mean towards him

And that was just downright abusive.

He sighed, bypassed breakfast to leave as well

He needed a very strong, very large drink.

Thor heard him leave and felt a twinge of pain within him again. But he figured he deserved it after what he’d done. He went to the table, sat down to finish the food and then washed everything up before heading to bed.

He expected a nightmare ridden sleep even now and he didn’t know if he wanted it to change considering he deserved it.

He would never be able to get over this and it was all his own fault.

Regret and guilt consumed him, he tried to tell himself that fear wasn’t there in it but it was. He couldn’t deny it.

Thor fell into bed, pulled the covers up and closed his eyes

He would force himself to sleep if he had to

He might have succeeded because when he was suddenly jolted out of it, he had no idea what time it was or where he was but only that something heavy has suddenly dropped on him from the hells above

He turned to look and saw Loki sitting on him, his hair messy, his face flushed and his eyes shining with the tell tale glimmer of drink

“Loki, what…?”

Thor let out a startled gasp when Loki smacked him across the face – no warning, just anger

“You fucking idiot!” Loki glared “you ruined everything!”

Oh, so that was what this was.

Thor blinked and rubbed his cheek, then looked at him

“I understand, but if…”

Another slap, harder this time

“Shut up, I am talking to you!” Loki snapped “I loved you! You healed my stupid broken heart, I loved you, damn it! I trusted you and you…you not only used me, you tried to kill me!”

Thor lay there, holding his cheek and looking up at him

He didn’t say anything

“You broke my heart!” Loki hissed “you stupid fucking asshole!”

Thor pulled back a little when Loki leaned over and looked at him, right in the eyes

“I should leave but the thought kills me” Loki told him “because I still fucking love you. I hate you and I love you, I never want to see you again but the only thing I want is to be in your arms again!”

He clenched his hands

“I hate you” Loki straightened “I hate you more than I have hated anyone in my life”

Thor looked at him, still quiet, wondering where the hell this was going.

But Loki was quiet now, rubbing his arm and contemplating what he would do next as he sat astride him.

“I’m not that drunk” he told Thor “just enough to take the edge away”

Thor hummed “Perhaps we should talk about this downstairs?”

Loki shook his head “No, then I will want to leave. We are done talking.”

“You didn’t let me speak” Thor said

“I don’t want to hear you talk” Loki started to get off him

Thor grabbed his arm and kept him in place, even though Loki turned to him, angry again

“No, you will hear me” Thor hissed “I have listened now you have to. I am giving my reasons”

“You can’t justify what you did” Loki pulled at his arm

“No, I will not but I will tell you my reason” Thor let go “will you listen or not?”

Loki tugged on his arm again and for a moment Thor thought he would leave and not listen but eventually, Loki relented and Thor exhaled in relief

“I will make some tea or coffee so both of us are a little more awake” Loki got off the bed “then I will listen”

But he didn’t think any story would make him forgive Thor

The only good thing that came out of this was the fact that his chest felt lighter. He’d gotten something bad and vile out of his system

He went downstairs to make tea for the two of them and Thor came downstairs, more lucid and awake.

He went to a cookie jar to take some of them out and brought out the cups and saucers for Loki, setting them before him wordlessly.

Loki for his part, make the tea and brought it for them and took his seat with Loki again

He hesitated for a few minutes then scratched the back of his neck

“Well, my brother told you most of it” Thor told him “aye?”

“Yes” Loki said “charming man”

Thor shrugged “it’s alright…but he didn’t tell you that…in addition to cursing me, he also cursed my sister.”

“Hela” Loki nodded

He saw pain fill Thor’s eyes, flash across his face and furrowed his brow at it

“Yes…Hela” Thor said “we were both cursed by this spell, by his cruel, vile spell. It seemed to be better considering we rarely were without each other. But still…it was hard to accept.”

Loki conceded on that and put some sugar into his bowl.

“One thing that happened at the beginning of this curse was that sometimes we couldn’t change back for days.” He said “those days we would spend exploring the open seas. Both of us would be together, it was bearable in that time. We passed decades like that before…before something changed forever”

Loki had his full attention on him so he saw the stutter in his breath and the slight shake of his fingers when he touched his cup again

“We ran into a fishing ship and Hela got caught in the netting” Thor said, his voice so soft, so broken “I couldn’t change back to get her out, I tried as much as I could but they…they had harpoons and …guns”

Loki froze

“I saw it” Thor whispered “I saw them kill her, I saw her stop moving…they attacked me, too, but I didn’t care, I wanted to save her…when I tried to go back, I saw her being dragged up to the ship. She was not small but right there, I just…I saw a harpoon in her head, impaling it. I saw her blood paint the side of the ship and I …I couldn’t do anything because I was a stupid monster, I could only watch”

He looked down at his tea cup

“I’m sorry” Thor sniffed “I’m sorry for what I did to you. I’m sorry I hurt you so deeply, I am so, so sorry I betrayed your trust. I know I will never get it back but please…please don’t hate me so much. It kills me”

Loki sighed and looked away, biting his lip

“I don’t want you to hate me” Thor said “I made a huge mistake, I am sorry but I did, my reasons were stupid, I was stupid, I just…I became stupid and desperate, I’m sorry”

Loki nodded “I know, you have said it a thousand times”

“I was losing my mind, I was becoming more animal than man each time, I …”

Thor broke off and exhaled

“I lost myself, I was just so desperate and I hurt you so deeply” he said “there’s no going back, I know there isn’t but please, try not to hate me. I will never bother you again, I swear, but please don’t hate me”

Loki exhaled, released the tension in his chest but for the moment he said nothing more

He really needed to think

So, he got up and, as Thor watched, went upstairs.

He needed some time with his thoughts.

Thor felt defeated

He sat there for a few moments longer, then stood and left the house.

He’d heard Loki talk to Amora, he would get out of here fine – Thor had nothing left to do.

He walked out into the beach and took his bike, driving away from here.

For now, it was too painful for him to be here

***

For the most part, Loki brooded

He had nothing, no things to pack, nothing other than himself and the food in Thor’s pantry. He cooked that and then fretted.

His brow was furrowed, he was conflicted about his decision to leave here but he didn’t know why. He said what he wanted to, he got the closure he’d sought, he’d got answers from Thor, he should be perfectly free to leave.

And yet…

He didn’t want to

He didn’t want to go.

No, that wasn’t true

He wanted to go, he just didn’t want to go to a life without Thor

Loki desired a life with the man who’d broken his heart and trust in a nearly irreparable way

That was the conundrum, the root of the problem

His stupid sentiment

He still loved him and a very large part of him wanted Thor back, despite everything he’d done. He’d been so happy with him

He was stupid to think it could be like that again

At the same time, he wanted it to be like that again, he wanted it to be exactly like that. He wanted to get past this but he thought he owed himself more.

He didn’t know what to do, so he called Amora again

This time, she picked up

“Afternoon” she greeted, “what’s wrong?”

Loki sighed loudly “I’m still in love with him”

Silence, for the longest time, from her end.

Then a sigh

“Loki, what do you want right now, just answer me without thinking about it” she said

Loki closed his eyes and shook his head “What I want is stupid. Very stupid, you should tell me not to do it”

“I should” Amora said “it would be the smart thing to do”

“Yes” Loki agreed

“It would be painful but you would eventually get over it”

“Definitely”

“The best thing would be to put in distance and live a solitary, drama free life you always wanted”

“Right, again”

Amora sighed softly “But…you love him. And I know he loves you, too”

“Why would you think that?” Loki asked

“Because he dropped everything he had and went rushing to look for you – and he found you” she said “it wasn’t for us. He loves you. So, if what you truly want is to find a way to be happy with him, I don’t think doing the right thing is what will work for you”

Loki looked at the floor and swallowed thickly “You’re supposed to be the smart one”

“I am” she laughed “it is why I am telling you to go on ahead and do this. He really made you happy – and if there is a way to get that back, I will forever support it, Loki”

“But he betrayed me” Loki reminded her and himself “He almost killed me, he threw me in the river, knowing I couldn’t swim, at the very least, he tried to transfer a very strange curse on me”

Amora laughed softly “This doesn’t even seem real right now”

“I am aware” Loki said “so help me. Tell me what I should do”

“I don’t think there’s an answer that will help you, honestly speaking” Amora said “it’s going to be different no matter how you look at it. If you leave, you will be letting go of a man you love and a man who loves you but get away from the same man, one who betrayed you. If you stay with the man who betrayed you, you are forgiving his betrayal and staying with him despite it, showing that you still trust him.”

Loki hummed in affirmation

“So, all you have to do is decide which one is better for you” Amora said “ can you move past this to a place where you feel you will be happy or will this be another relationship doomed, like the last?”

Loki sighed, running a hand through his hair “I don’t know if I can trust him again”

“Then you have your answer” Amora replied

It wasn’t a happy revelation, it wasn’t kind to him but he knew that she was right. If he couldn’t trust him, what was he still doing here?

“Fuck” he whispered

She laughed softly, sadly.

“You still love him”

“I do” Loki said, going to sit somewhere, “I do love him. Despite everything, I love him but I don’t trust him”

“Love is nothing without trust, Loki” Amora said “think about it, let me know if you need to postpone your plane, alright?”

“Alright” Loki sat back “Thank you, Mora”

“You are welcome, dear” she said “Anything else?”

“Yes” Loki exhaled “exchange lives with me”

That made her laugh and she rolled her eyes, Loki knew she did

“I will pass on that, but I will cut the call now, I can hear someone coming over and I need to pretend to be working”

“That sounds about right” Loki said “good bye”

“Good bye, Loki”

They cut the call and Loki set the phone down and tipped his head back to look up at the ceiling

This was such an unpleasant feeling. He didn’t know what to do, neither choice was ideal but the thought of a world without Thor didn’t seem right, either.

He didn’t want to live alone, he didn’t want to live without him. Yet, he was afraid of getting hurt again, afraid of trusting him again, at least around water.

How was he supposed to move on like Amora kept telling him?

Loki let out a sigh again and closed his eyes, telling himself that he needed to speak with Thor again

At least one last time before they went ahead with … well, whatever they both chose.

He did eventually postpone his flight back, but only for a day. That was all he would need. And since Thor was gone, he moved around the house to get his mind off him for the hours it would take him to return.

He cooked, he watched television and he did nothing else. When it was midnight, he went to fall asleep upstairs, snoring softly into the night.

Under the very same skies and under the waters, Thor was swimming up to where Malekith wanted him. His huge form, scaly and terrifying, was enough to send most of the sea creatures flitting away as he went through

He held something in his teeth, something deadly, heavy and something he would never have touched in a thousand years if he could.

The thing looked harmless in his grip, but once it was in Malekith’s hands, it would be a weapon of such destruction that no one, not even Thor, would be able to stop him.

But that was what he got for making a deal with the devil himself.

Thor had tried for days, looking for Loki but when he hadn’t he’d taken the deal Malekith offered, taken his information and saved Loki

Now, he paid for it

And the unarmed nuclear device in his teeth was evidence enough of it.

The caverns Malekith occupied looked deceptively plain, but Thor knew that they were anything but

They hid a massive lair he’d built for himself, one where he had created a culminating world of sea and land. Corals, mutated with Malekith’s experiments rode up the cavern walls, sea creatures, small for now, walked on the floors, slithering, crawling and garbling as Thor changed.

Yes … Malekith had given him more control over his own transformation in return for what he wanted him to do. It was easier to deal with a human than a serpent.

Malekith himself was in the middle of this stinking mass of horror he called a lair and he was working on his table.

An unarmed bomb lay opened and disassembled before him.

Clinking and clacking filled the cavern, echoing around them as he worked and Thor walked to him to set the device he’d brought down

“Good lad” Malekith smiled “your father was clearly wrong when he called you useless, you know”

Thor grit his jaw in anger “Fuck off”

“Why don’t you start taking the shelling apart?” Malekith asked “I want to have this done as quickly as possible”

Thor wanted to cuss at him again but the tingle on his hand reminded him of his place here and he picked up the tools he needed and crouched beside the device to start taking it apart.

Neither of them spoke as they worked but the little curve of Malekith’s lips when Thor was finished, was enough of a taunt.

It made Thor grit his jaw again

“I have done as you asked, remove this damned mark” he told him

“Oh, I have far more that I want you to do” Malekith said “this is just the beginning”

“You said it was for a few days” Thor stormed to him “Remove it!”

He screamed in pain a second later and fell to his knees, holding his hand to his chest when it and the mark upon it started to burn

“Watch yourself, Odinson” Malekith worked without a worry in his head “Our deal is far from over. You swore to do as I asked if I told you where your beloved was, now you must. Try not to go back on our arrangement, alright?”

“You will not…get away” Thor panted “this is vile, what you are doing”

“It is” Malekith beamed

A loud click and a smile on Malekith’s lips before he waved a hand to cast his spell.

Thor knelt there, holding his slowly healing hand, watching as he pulled the nuclear core from within and made it dance and twirl in the air with his magic

“Amazing what humans have come up with to destroy each other” Malekith’s face was illuminated by the glow “Absolutely amazing”

He turned to place the core gently within a mixture he’d brewed and once more, watched as it bubbled and hissed upon contact with his concoction.

Thor frowned when it sizzled and hissed before it overflowed, dropping splashes of it on the floor of the cavern.

Malekith let out a happy, delighted little laugh then plucked up a pair of tongs, grabbed a smaller vial and filled it with the fluid

“I am sure you want to know what I am doing” he said

“I think it is predictably transparent” Thor stood, looking at his hand

It was stiff, in mild pain but nothing he couldn’t ignore.

“You are going to create an army of mutated creatures and try to take over the lands and the seas” he said “very predictable”

“Predictable it will be” Malekith poured the fluid into the tank of an electric eel “but the results will be far from it”

The eel went very still when it was hit with the glowing green mixture and writhed under the waters. It then began to twist and turn, growing slowly in size, so much that it broke the tank it was placed in and fell to the floor.

Soft, hissing growls came from it and Thor grimaced when it turned larger than he’d thought, three times the size it should be, and grew hard, sharp claws where its fins should be. It growled as it crawled to the size, testing its new powers.

“How do you intend on controlling these mindless things you are making, then?” Thor asked

Malekith laughed, shaking his head in delight “Oh, you believe these are my army? No, of course not, they are just available test subjects, my true army is close, but not too close, in terms of being ready. See, the effects wear off, I cannot have that, I need mindless, strong beings I can control and ensure that they are forever loyal to me”

“You could just make friends, you know” Thor said

“But where’s the fun in that?” Malekith asked

He looked at the vial, then at Thor

“Do come here”

Thor felt himself go cold. His heart almost stopped when he saw Malekith fill a vial and his hand started to tingle once more.

“What the hell are you doing?” he rasped

“Making a friend” Malekith said “come here”

Thor shook his head and retreated but he couldn’t move, his hand burned but he didn’t care, like hell he was about to take that vial!

The creatures were just tests, Thor was likely the first of Malekith’s army

Malekith laughed at his hesitance and brought the vial over as Thor turned to flee

“Oh, don’t be like that”

His magic held Thor in place and Thor growled

“Get the fuck away from me!”

Malekith laughed and walked over, lifting the vial above Thor’s head and dousing him in it

Thor yelled out as it poured on him, feeling it get into his hair, his eyes, and he cussed

“No!”

“Yes!” Malekith laughed “Aye, yes, this is what I wanted!”

He stepped back when Thor started to scream, watching him twist and turn on the floor when he dropped his tethering spell. He writhed, trying to get the potion off himself but it couldn’t be removed

Malekith saw his skin start to change, saw as he howled and thrashed in agony, dragging himself into the waters.

Not that it would help, but he did.

Malekith followed, eager to see what was happening, eager to see his first soldier.

In the waters, Thor tried to transform but he couldn’t do that. There was too much pain and burning in his body to do so.

All he felt was agony, all he felt was the pain all along his spine, everywhere, no matter what he did.

It wasn’t leaving him.

“Oh, come now” Malekith laughed “it can’t be that bad”

Thor screamed, bubbles escaped his mouth and he twisted and turned, clawing at his own changing skin. He could feel his bones crack as they expended where the potion had touched him and he screamed in absolute agony.

This couldn’t be happening

He wouldn’t survive this!

His eyes changed color, his body started to change and Malekith let out a gasp of delight when he saw him get bigger and bigger

The water bubbled and boiled as Thor’s transformation completed and though it seemed like it took forever, it eventually did stop

The water settled and the water, which had turned nearly opaque with steam and bubbles began to clear

He could see Thor floating upwards, still for the moment, but alive.

When he got to the surface, Malekith bent to grab his arm and pull him over

Thor’s skin was coarse, hard and rough, if Malekith could define it

He dragged him to the surface and saw his back, his clothes were torn and sharp, spines broke through his thick, scaly skin now.

His hands were shaped into claws, his feet much the same.

He was a monster, truly.

Malekith knew it the moment he saw his face.

Deformed, fangs coming out from his jaw, past his lips and malformed horns protruded from his forehead. He was tall, taller than anything ‘human’, and absolutely grotesque.

Thor groaned, a numbing pain all over his body made him open his eyes and look around.

Like the rest of him, his eyes had changed as well, narrowed to blue slits.

He was in pain, it still thrummed over him as he looked at Malekith and tried to speak.

He tried, but nothing other than a moan escaped him, which made Malekith laugh in delight.

“Look at you” he beamed “you’re…a demon”

Thor looked away, dazed even now.

“I must test your limits” Malekith said

He turned around to his table to pick up some of his tools and furrowed his brow when he couldn’t find them.

He scattered away the things on his desk when someone cleared his throat from behind

“Looking for this?”

Malekith spun around and his eyes widened when he saw Haldor standing in the shadows behind him.

He barely had time to react when Haldor shot something at him and Malekith grunted in pain as he was thrown back, a harpoon impaling his middle

He couldn’t scream, he couldn’t breathe.

He was pinned to the wall of the cavern and choked, staring at Haldor in shock. Blood started to seep into his mouth as he looked at him, unable to think.

“You’re really something” Haldor lowered his hand, one glowing with magic “you thought you could do all this and I wouldn’t find out? Pathetic weakling, you always dreamt too big, too far above your station, you forget that you’re the scum of the sea, the moss that dwells in the parts no light has ever reached. You’re nothing, Malekith, you always will be.”

He walked over to look at him, seeing the life slowly seep out of his eyes and snickered

“And you forgot the most important part of this” he told him “The only one who will rule these seas…”

He grinned slowly, illuminated by the potion Malekith had created “Is me”

Malekith panted in pain, his body slowly giving up

“But thank you, for this magnificent experiment” Haldor stepped back “Which, I will now take, just like I will take my brother. You have no vision, Malekith, and that is why you are where you are – dying, like strung up bait”

Malekith let out a choked croak and Haldor went to his tables to examine what he’d made, setting his tools down.

“This …this is marvelous” he said “your creepy little brain actually managed to do something right for once.”

He picked up his notebook and put it in his clothes, then took whatever else he thought was useful.

“And no one will know”

Malekith groaned, feeling what little movement was left, slowly seeping out from him.

Haldor scoffed and went to where Thor lay, out cold. He made a disgusted expression at what he looked like right now and sighed

“What a beast”

He shook him but when Thor didn’t wake, he straightened and went back to Malekith’s things, carefully placing the vials, the potion, tools, books and notes in a place where he could return for them later.

It wasn’t like anyone was coming for him.

“Now, I will return to take all this” Haldor told Malekith when he walked to him again “but you will be long gone, knowing that you could have had it all – but you didn’t”

He grinned again and pat his cheek as Malekith started to weaken further.

“Farewell” he said “I know where you’re going is not pleasant”

He laughed, stepping back and going to the creature that was his brother.

As Malekith watched, he took Thor into the waters and vanished, leaving him behind to die looking at the road to a future he could have had, but never did.

***

There was gold light, dancing upon the ceiling, that was the first thing he saw. Like the soothing calmness that came with the ocean, he saw it lull him into forgetting the pain in his body for a few seconds.

Confusion was all he felt, then the gentle touch of a very familiar hand at his cheek.

Thor slurred a little and turned his head.

For a moment, he thought he’d died in that hellhole. He thought this was Valhalla because there was no real way this could be true.

Those beautiful blue eyes and blonde hair, just like his, looking at him, he didn’t think it could be real.

Frigga, Queen of Asgard, smiled at him and brushed his hair back

“Darling” she cooed “Can you hear me?”

Thor blinked slowly, on the precipice of sleep and wakefulness but managed a soft sound of affirmation.

“Oh, dear”

She smiled and kissed his head

“I feared I lost you forever” she whispered, touching his scar “I never thought it would come to this”

Thor furrowed his brow but for now, he said nothing

He was tired, his body was aching, it felt broken – he didn’t want to speak.

But there was so much he wanted to say, so much he wanted to yell at them

They’d … done wrong by him.

Frigga saw this in his eyes and carefully pulled her hand back

“I know you are angry, you have every right to be” she said “but if you wish to talk, I will listen. If not, I will respect your decision”

Thor closed his eyes again and let the exhaustion do what it did best.

A few minutes after he woke, Frigga sighed when he dropped right off to sleep again, taken by his own injuries.

She didn’t blame him – he’d been through hell

When she’d seen Haldor bring Thor back, half dead, mutated into a creature by Malekith’s hand, she’d lost her mind. She couldn’t believe that this was her child, her beloved son who she’d let down

Her anger, her own wrongness was wiped away when she saw him and she had rushed in to save him.

That was a week ago

A week she had spent crying, cursing herself for her own error on judgement, her own actions out of anger, her own stupidity.

Odin had tried his best to comfort her and to heal Thor but she knew he felt much the same.

They’d betrayed Thor in a time when he needed them the most. They had left him alone, shunning him and expecting him to come running back.

Wrong

They were so wrong.

And it might just be too late.

A gentle hand fell on her shoulder and she looked up to see Haldor looking down, his face pained.

“You haven’t left these rooms all day”

“I know” she put her hand atop his, looking at her second born “I fear if I leave, he will, too, then I won’t see him again”

“You know you can’t blame yourself” Haldor said “no matter what happens”

“I can, very easily” she told him “when you sister died, I acted just as rashly as your father, I was a part of his exile, I didn’t stop Odin. And for years after, I just let him suffer all alone”

“He wasn’t alone” Haldor said “I went to check up on him”

“But not I” she said “I did nothing but leave him be, let him navigate the stupid tests your father had set out for him like he had something to prove…he’d lost his sister and his family. And I was part of what made it worse”

Haldor sighed, looking at Thor, laying there so still, so calm

“He loves the surface” Haldor told Frigga “I know he will be happy there, especially now that the curse is broken”

She nodded

All they had wanted was for him to break the curse, to come back and take the throne

But now it seemed like it would never happen.

“If he leaves, he will not come back, will he?” she asked

“He’s happier on the earth” Haldor lightly stroked her shoulder “I know, in time, he will come but right now, his anger is too great, so is his affront”

“Your father wishes for him to have the throne” Frigga said softly

“I think – for the moment,” Haldor looked at Thor “we owe it to Thor to prioritize his wishes”

And that was the truth, Frigga thought, he was right

“I will make sure he gets what he asks for”

Her voice was soft, however, broken. It was just…nothing.

She knew her child was going to leave her and it was their own damn fault. They had done this, no one else.

It was they who were to blame.

“Come on, Ma”

Haldor tugged lightly on her hand to get her to stand

“You need to rest, too, you’ve been here for hours”

She nodded wordlessly and got up to leave with him, giving Thor another glance as she left, but he stayed prone on the bed, quietly breathing in and out, slowly leaving his pain behind.

The door closed behind them and she went to Odin, who was in his room, much in the same state as Frigga

He looked up at them when they entered and pain flashed across his face

“Did he wake?” he asked

He’d been there for hours before Frigga took his place and Thor hadn’t even moved.

“For a mere moment” Frigga sighed

She looked tired, seeing Odin in the same state as her had exhausted her. She came to sit with him and he put his arm around her to kiss her temple.

“He won’t stay” Frigga whispered “I know he’ll leave the moment he can”

“I know” Odin said quietly “it hurts me but it feel it is something we should have seen coming”

“Perhaps” Frigga sighed

She massaged her temples and Haldor went to get them both a drink – they seemed to need it

But they were not wrong, this was their own fault.

_The seas had suddenly gone silent._

_That was all Thor felt. The moment he’d returned without Hela, the moment Odin and Frigga saw him, they knew something had happened, something that could not be undone._

_Something terrible._

_He was battered, injured and bloody, he rose from the waters and left a trail of bloody droplets behind him_

_His eyes were empty, his face was pale_

_He fell to his knees when he reached them and let out a sob that came from his heart, taken out by the wicked hand that took his sister away_

_Odin and Frigga stared at him, at his tattered clothes, his cuts and bruises._

_And only one thought, one question filled the room_

_“Where’s Hela?” Odin asked_

_Thor swallowed thickly and hung his head, his chapped, cut lips couldn’t move to say it._

_“Where is she?” Odin got to his feet_

_His heart was weakening, he could feel it – in the back of his mind he knew the answer_

_But he didn’t want it to be true_

_Thor took in a stuttered, broken breath before he looked at him_

_“We were attacked…” he breathed “I tried to save her, I tried…”_

_Frigga felt the world fall from beneath her feet and let out a gasp, then a heart wrenching sob that echoed around them, a testament of Thor’s failure_

_Her child was dead…she was dead!_

_Odin stormed to Thor and made him get up before he looked at him_

_“What did you do?” he hissed “What did you do!?”_

_Thor looked utterly broken and ashamed, he couldn’t speak and he was in incredible pain._

_“I’m sorry” he whispered_

_Odin’s face contorted in rage and he shoved Thor back, throwing him to the floor_

_“You have betrayed us!” he shouted “Betrayed your loved ones!”_

_“What? No” Thor shook his head, getting up again “I tried to save her, you know she never listened, I tried to save her, she was caught in the nets and they…”_

_“Silence!” Odin yelled “you are unworthy of everyone you have betrayed, unworthy of this kingdom, this realm!”_

_“Father…” Thor whispered_

_His expression was broken, hurt, open for perhaps the last time in his father’s presence._

_“Please” he whispered_

_He’d lost his sister, seen her die with his own eyes, he couldn’t breathe, he couldn’t think!_

_“You are a fool” Odin rasped “Get out of my sight! Get out of my home!”_

_Frigga was sitting, silent as the stars, tears quietly slipping down her cheeks when Thor looked at her. He hoped she would say something, she must!_

_But … she stayed stoic_

_She didn’t move and Thor pressed his lips together tightly before he looked to his father again_

_“I …”_

_“Leave” Odin rasped “get out, you are no longer my son, she is dead because of you!”_

_“I am not to blame!” Thor gasped, shocked “I tried to save her, I loved her, she was my sister!”_

_“And you failed her” Odin rasped_

_From the side, hidden in the shadows, Haldor had watched. He didn’t go ahead, he didn’t say a word_

_He watched as Thor fell under their father’s cruel words._

_“It’s not my fault” Thor defended himself “You were not there, you don’t know what happened!”_

_“I know that you stand here but she does not” Odin turned to Frigga and hugged her, holding her tight “leave. Do as I say and get out of my sight! Let us mourn over what you have caused”_

_Thor grit his jaw and shook his head._

_He turned and stormed away, going to his rooms._

_Haldor smiled and waited till he was gone before he walked out, frowning_

_“What happened?”_

_His words broke Frigga to pieces and she started crying in her pain as the shock wore off her._

_Hela was dead!_

_And when they checked on Thor – he was gone…_

_Just like Odin wanted._

The storm of Thor’s pain was unmeasured.

There was truly no way to measure pain of this extent. There were no words to describe his pain.

He didn’t know why they had acted as they did, he did not know why he was blamed and shunned.

He didn’t get answers.

And he didn’t think he wanted them

Too much time had passed, there was no way for him to heal from what happened, but he’d strived to be worthy again, for years he did.

And when he was on the verge of dying from the torture Malekith inflicted on him, he didn’t see his parents, he didn’t call for them under the boiling, smothering waters.

No

He’d called for Loki

That was the only person he has seen, the only person who he’d thought of.

The only one he’d wanted.

And, he was the only one he would go to.

When Frigga returned, hours later, it was to stop in surprise at the sight of Thor getting dressed and ready to leave.

Just like she’s predicted, like she’d known, like everyone else had known.

They knew he would leave

And yet, it hurt her so much

He had his back to her and fastened the edge of his sleeve, so he didn’t see her. Or, he did and ignored her, she didn’t know.

She knew this moment would come and she was ready

They were beneath the waters but they were not without sound

The light coming from above was dimming but she could still see his face, turned away from her.

He knew she was there.

Frigga cleared her throat “Thor?”

Thor stiffened, then visibly relaxed his shoulders before he turned to her

“Aye?”

“I – I am glad you are well” she walked in

She had a letter in her hand, written on the seaweed they used here.

“I know you would rather stay at the surface, I do not blame you” she said, stopping before him, then extended the letter “I only ask that, in time, when you are comfortable, that you give this a read.”

“I do not know what good that will do” Thor took it “but as you wish”

He put it in his pocket and promptly turned away from her

Frigga felt the pain but told herself it was due, all of this coldness was due.

“Thank you” she said, her hands tied before her “are you going to the surface?”

“I have been forced to be a demon for the last few decades and stay hidden under water” Thor said “I believe it is time that I spend some of my nights above it”

“Of course”

She had so much she wanted to say but her own past actions silenced her and Thor had no sympathy. Not right now, perhaps in time he would but at the moment he was cold.

He fixed his hair up and then went to the door

“Farewell” he said, a greeting he didn’t have to, it felt cold and meaningless

“Farewell” she echoed, but hers was filled with regret and pain

Thor didn’t waste a thought on that, just like she hadn’t when he was blamed and banished. He swam through the waters and saw some of their staff looked stunned at the sight of him here, on his own volition.

He ignored them and swam to the surface, leaving them and his former home behind

By all means, he now had a new one

And he wasn’t about to let it go

***

The luxury apartment just felt…cold.

And Loki felt more so. He’d been back for a few days now and though his boss told him to take a few days off, he felt like he would lose what remained of his mind if he did so.

He was being coddled, treated like glass in the office and he hated it

It made him feel mentally unstable.

He didn’t like it

He wanted nothing more than to scream at everyone who was being extra nice to him but that would only cement his mental instability.

And that was the last thing he needed.

Amora was the only one who could make him feel sane and tonight, she was out.

She said something about a date, he didn’t really remember right now. Nor was he trying to.

He was typing out his resume so he could leave this office.

It was grand, there would be little chance of him not getting a job after this.

He just couldn’t stay here

Not anymore

Everything that made him stay here was gone.

Being close to death truly put things in perspective.

Svadilfari would never be his, Thor would never be his, that was it.

He would enjoy his month in this place and then leave.

It was all that mattered to him now

He needed to rearrange his priorities – which started with the meal he was making for himself. He would no longer get take out food or have it delivered. He was going to start cooking for himself even if he was alone

Especially when he was alone.

He needed it to calm the screaming voice in his head telling him how stupid and embarrassing it was to be him.

And to silence the laughing of his own better sense, at the fact that he’d waited an entire day for Thor to return

How stupid he was, truly.

He’d truly thought that Thor would return to him, that even if Loki had been angry and hostile, that he would return because he knew what he did was wrong.

But then again, Loki had hit him

And if his past told him anything, it was that he had lost the last time he did that.

And it was all his own doing, no one else’s.

Loki stirred his food, the empty kitchen, the empty apartment, silent behind him.

His chest hurt because Thor hadn’t returned.

But he also told himself that this was what he deserved, it was right.

The pain would eventually fade away, it would leave him and he would go back to being by himself, happy and content.

Or at least tell himself that he was.

The silence was nearly deafening, no one else truly lived here, so when the doorbell to his lonely apartment rang, he was severely confused.

Amora wasn’t due back tonight – he was sure of that.

He picked up a knife, slipped it under his sleeve when the doorbell rang yet again

He wasn’t about to go down without a fight this time.

He could see someone outside, see their feet from beneath the door and looked through the peephole

His heart stopped in his throat and he opened the door to stare at him.

Thor

Right there in front of him

“What are you…?”

Loki broke off, into a muffled cry when Thor grabbed his shoulders and kissed him, pulling him against himself and groaned into the kiss

It was hard, passionate and Loki felt his hands go up around his shoulders and hold on as his eyes closed.

His knees felt weak, his body shivered and his head felt tight

He couldn’t breathe but at the moment, if it meant this kiss would stop, he didn’t want to

Thor tightened his grip on him for a few heartbeats then released and he looked at him, smiling softly

“Hello”

Loki stared at him, dazed, lust addled and confused.

“What…What are you doing here?”

Thor laughed softly “Let’s go inside, I will explain everything”

Loki nodded and gained enough coherence to walk into the apartment. He waited for Thor to join him then closed the door and pulled the knife out from his sleeve, which made Thor laugh

“Is that a knife?” he snickered “Jesus”

“Yes” Loki flushed “I didn’t think it was you”

He walked back to the kitchen and set it aside before turning to Thor, looking at him, still in disbelief

“Why…How are you…?”

“Not a snake?” Thor smirked “Malekith is dead. The curse is broken and … I am here”

“You killed him” Loki whispered

“No” Thor said “My brother did, Malekith made a deal with me to save you. I was to serve him and he would tell me where you were. He broke that deal and used another spell to turn me into a – I don’t even know what I was – but my brother saved me. And here I am”

Loki’s green eyes stared at him, his mouth parted in shock

“That’s why you didn’t come back” he realized “it wasn’t because you hated me”

“No, I would never hate you” Thor walked up to him and stood before him “Because I love you, Loki”

Loki’s entire body turned stiff all of a sudden, but in nothing other than elation and a shock that had rendered him so.

“You love me” Loki echoed “you better not be lying again because if you are…”

“Please” Thor shook his head “I am not lying. When I was sure I was going to die under his tortures, I saw no one but you, I wanted no one but you. I know how deeply I have hurt you, I know what I have done to you but please…”

He took his hands

“Please, give me another chance” he said “let me show you how much I love you and how much I am willing to do for you, I am begging you”

He looked at his eyes

“Please give me another chance, I will do anything to prove my love to you, please” Thor said

Loki looked at him and his heart wanted nothing more than to agree

His loneliness crippled him and Loki closed his eyes before he looked at him

“If you ever do that again…”

“I will never, I swear - ” Thor broke off when Loki put a finger on his lips

“If you ever do that again” Loki began again “I will kill you”

Thor smiled slowly and kissed his finger “I accept that”

Loki lowered his hand and moved forward to kiss him back, feeling his arms slide around him and pull him closer

He groaned and Thor slid a hand down into his trousers to squeeze his bottom

“Thor, the stove…” Loki muttered, gasping when Thor kissed down his neck “Oh God…”

He bit his lip when Thor bit on his flesh and lost his ability to stand, letting Thor lower him to the floor

There was soft moaning, gasping and panting before a hand reached over and turned the stove off.

Then, it vanished to where the two lay, locked in a passionate embrace, finally, together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANOTHER LATE UPDATE?? I will start regularly posting, the health issue has been resolved with new glasses and 5000 meds. I am back to the party - so, so late tho


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